Get some Bitchy Waiter in your email!

Friday, September 14, 2012

Are Your Customers as Stupid as Mine Are?

Warning: the comment section of this post has become hijacked by a crazy fucking bitch who can't unlock her caps. I have deleted most of her comments because she is driving me fucking crazy but I am sure the nut job will be back. Beware.

-BW

I don't expect customers to be very smart, so it's not surprising when people give the wrong answer to this question: Hello, how are you tonight? There are so many correct answers to that question such as "I am fine" or "Very well, thank you," but one that is most assuredly incorrect is "I want coffee" or "what's your special?" People, just take a fucking moment to acknowledge your server and at least pretend for a hot second that you're not completely self-absorbed in your own life and have no concern about anything else. Coming from someone who always says good morning to the crusty ass bus driver on the Q32, I know it's not that hard to mumble out a simple salutation whether you truly mean it or not.

Last week, a woman came into the restaurant. I immediately went to her table. "Hello, how are you tonight?" I asked." Without looking away from her stupid cell phone, she said, "Do you have any bread? I'm starving!" Lady, please. You aren't starving. People in Africa are starving. Children in the Appalachians are starving. Supermodels are starving. You are not starving. You do not have a swollen belly nor do I see Sally Struthers anywhere trying to give you some canned goods. What you meant to say was, "I am good, thank you for asking. I am waiting for someone and I'm a bit peckish. Would you mind bringing me a little bit of bread, please whenever you get a chance? Thank you." Customers notoriously give the wrong answer to a myriad of questions. Here are justa few that make me want to pull my hair out but I would never really do that because my hair is sorta "my thing."

Q: Hi, how are you?
A: Do you have a bathroom?
✘ WRONG

Q: Do you have any questions about the menu?
A: I don't like this table, can I have that booth?
✘ WRONG

Q:Would you like cheese on your burger?
A: I need bread.
✘ WRONG

Q: May I take that plate for you?
A: My phone needs to be charged, can you plug it in for me somewhere?
✘ WRONG

Q: Would you like to hear our specials tonight?
A: It's cold in here.
✘ WRONG

Q: Are you ready to order anything?
A: Yes, I am. (And then to friend) What are you having? I have no idea.
✘ WRONG

Q: Did you get a chance to look at the menu yet?
A: I want steak, well done.
✘ WRONG

Q: Can I get you anything to drink?
A: No I don't drink, I'll have water.
✘ WRONG You do drink water, stupid.

Q: Would you like some more water?
A: We ordered like an hour ago.
✘ WRONG

Q: Here is your food. Is there anything else I can get for you right now?
A: No.
✘ WRONG You need A-1, more napkins, more butter and more bread but you will ask me four separate times for them.

Q: How is your steak?
A: Tough and dry.
✔ CORRECT Your steak is tough and dry because you asked for it to be well done, stupid.

Q: How was everything tonight?
A: Oh it was horrible (as they hand me a plate that was licked cleaner than the balls of a yard dog.)
✘ WRONG AND STUPID

Q: Would you like dessert tonight?
A: No, I'm on a diet.
✘ WRONG There is no diet that lets you eat fried calamari, mac and cheese and steak for dinner and three Diet Coke does not mean you are on a diet. It means you are in denial.

And what questions do your customers routinely answer incorrectly?



Click here to follow The Bitchy Waiter on Twitter.
Click here to find The Bitchy Waiter on Facebook.


187 comments:

Ingrid, work slave said...

My fucking favorites are these (and they happen to me ALL THE TIME.)

while runs food: "Oh, it looks like they forgot your mayonnaise, besides that and refills, is there anything else I can grab your you guys?"
A: I need mayonnaise, and oh I need a refill.
It fucking makes me want to fucking strangle people.

Q; I'll have a coke.
A: we have Pepsi is that going to be okay for you?
Response: UGH NO. I'll just have a water.

Fucking seriously? Or my ultimate fucking favorite one is
"hi welcome my name is Ingrid can I get you started with something to drink?"
A: I'll have water, and can you get me some of that breadyou guys have?

Can you give me a fucking opportunity to leave the table before your cheap ass decides to ask me to get the bread that I bring with your fucking drinks??

And the INFAMOUS one, that makes me want to kill myself

:I'll have the Ceaser salad.
>Oh okay, sure.
: with ranch dressing.
>....so you want a romaine salad with ranch dressing?
: no I want a Ceaser salad with ranch.

I'm pretty fucking sure you don't want me put ranch and Ceaser dressing in a fucking bowl mix it and serve it to you you fucking trash incompetent idiot.


Waiting seriously makes me want to strangle people.

ThatOne said...

"would you like mayonnaise, mustard, or ketchup on your burger tonight?"
"yes."
every. single. time.
"french fries or tater tots?
"coke."

People are absolutely incompetent at listening >.<

Linda said...

I have read two of your posts (so far) and I think I love you.

Jillianne Jacques said...

Can completely agree!

Q: Would you like that chicken crispy or grilled?
A: Yes.

Then they get mad when I have to ask the same question three times. And they think I'M the stupid one.

THE FULL MONTY said...

I work at IHOP so here are my favorites:

Q: Good Morning! How are you doing today?
A: Coffee

Q: Would like Ketchup or Hot Sauce for your meal?
A: How would I know? I haven't gotten my food yet.

Q: Can I get you started with a beverage? Pepsi, Iced Tea, Coffee?
A: A Coke

Q: Anything that I can get for you at the moment?
A: Some food. We have been waiting at least 20 minutes

*So seriously. 20 minutes in a packed breakfast restaurant is great. Considering that you are clocking me from the moment that you sat down, didn't acknowledge my salutation, ordered 7 drinks for 2 people, and said that you were ready when you hadn't even looked at the menu.

Kyle said...

I (thankfully) got out of the food service industry last month, but there's always the same dickweeds wherever you go. Today at my favorite coffee shop, everyone in front of me responded to the barista's "How are you today?" with a "I need a..."

No bitch, you don't need a. You need to respond and be polite and then ask him for your drink. Whore goblins.

BK said...

I always reply with "I'm good/fine, how are you?" when my server asks how I'm doing. It's common fucking courtesy, but then again, my parents raised me with some goddamn manners.

kcc said...

Never commented before, but love you, Bitchy, and although I have never been a server myself, my two sisters-n-law have done their time.

I would edit your scenario as follows:
Q: Hi, how are you this evening?
A: I'm fine, how are you?

bistis6 said...

I've encountered all of these scenarios at my various serving jobs. But stupid people flaunt their dolt-headedness everywhere, particularly movie theaters. At those fine establishments, I've been assaulted with the following examples of stupidity (along with what I REALLY wanted to say):

Q: Are those the times the movie starts?
A: Oh, no...that's just a suggested time for you to leave your house. Please feel free to show up any time you like and climb over the people who got here on time.

Phone: ring....ring....ring....
A: Good evening, etc....
Q: Yeah, we're running behind, is it possible that you could hold the movie for us for about 15 minutes?
A: Sure, I'll let the sold-out auditorium know and I'm sure they'd be more than happy to hold the best seats in the house for you, too.

(This actually happened)
Customer at a multiplex: Two.
Cashier: Which movie? (Ticket sales must be logged for each individual title.)
Customer: (angrily) Two!
Cashier: I'm sorry, which movie, please????
Customer: BITCH! (breaks the box office window with his fist.)

And my all-time favorite for idiocy at the world-famous Mann's Chinese Theater:
Q: (staring at the footprints on the forecourt) Are these people buried here???
A: Yes, even the living ones, like Julie Andrews and Eddie Murphy.

Anonymous said...

I'm sooooo glad we've cultivated the best regular customers and we know most of them by first name.
I enjoy it when they ask ME how I'M doing.....because I often respond "Better now that YOU'RE here". :-D

We have two different color menus on our tables (b-fast and lunch) and invariably people not paying attention will grab the yellow one (don't know if the size or color is a psychological 'prompt'). I will say "You need the blue menu". Sometimes they do not look at me until I have repeated the statement.....and then they will often look confused. (They do NOT want to let go of that yellow menu!). I will laugh when I tell them the THIRD time that they need the OTHER blue menu. ;-D

I did have someone order a sandwich today.....on whatever bread had the least gluten.

A: Uh, nooooo, I can't help you with your denial.

~The Damn Yankee

Anonymous said...

why the Appalchia throw-back? man, i like you, but pretty sure noone is hungrier here, than there...

IH8RL said...

Sounds like you work at Red Lobster with me!

The Fool Critic said...

Q: "Would you like something to drink while you are waiting on the others to arrive?"
A: "WE'RE STILL WAITING ON OTHER PEOPLE!"

It's like I'm speaking Italian.


Q: "Two beers, ok, and what kind of beer would you like?"
A: "Two!"

Anonymous said...

"what exactly is this soup, salad and bread meal?"
Really, you just said exactly what it is...

And one of my favorite mouth breather question, " by unlimited do you mean I can has as much as I want?"

Anonymous said...

I worked at a fancy dinner supper club,
phone call,
"How may I help you?"
relpy, "I've heard you guys have a dance floor at your restaurant, is that right?"
Me; "Yes sir."
Him; "So we can like, dance there?
Me; ( In my head ) "No sorry sir the dance floor is not for dancing"

Anonymous said...

@ Springs1, you seriously need to get laid and take a valium

The Bitchy Waiter said...

Hi, Springs 1. I really would love it if you could not leave any more comments on this posting. Your comments clog my inbox and all you have to say is bullshit. So kindly leave me the fuck alone. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

BW.. you really need to check out Springs1 blog, they have some major entitlement issues, and a sick obsession with the service industry

Anonymous said...

Springs 1, I'm sorry if you missed naptime today, but pipe the fuck down. Your little rant here is a dead giveaway that you have a tiny penis. The ranch with bread thing could indicate you're female, in which case, you'd still have a tiny penis. Are you sure you want to advertise that little tidbit?

And like it or not, servers will always have control over your meal, and they will always judge you.

Anonymous said...

SPRINGS 1*********
What's with your over use of the ******** KEY and TYPING every OTHER word IN caps? Does THIS ********** prove how ***********SUPERIOR******** you are?
********YOU*********** must be the ******FIRST******* CUSTOMER to EVER pay the server a tip, huh? DOES *******THAT******* Make YOU feel ***********SUPERIOR************ TO the server and give you a PASS to be an *********ASS?************
SERIOUSLY, IT'S PEOPLE LIKE YOU WHO SHOULD STAY HOME AND COOK FOR YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO MANNERS! (Yes, I typed that last part in caps because it should be shouted in your face!)

Anonymous said...

If you read springs1 blog you will notice none of the comments are praising her opinion, and she deletes comments she can't respond to intellectually (which is most), its just a bunch of whiney blather, I gotta asks after all yelling and negative feedback she gets, why bother, I got bored after reading a half page, that basically read, you must treat me like a princess and read my mind at all times or I will hold money and dangle it over your head.

Anonymous said...

well you can dream..

Anonymous said...

Springs,
(from here on out to be known as Mrs. Tiny Penis)

All you have as leverage is your tip, and as much as you'd like to believe otherwise, any one single tip is just not that important to us. But I'll bet one crappy restaurant experience for you is enough to ruin your day, if not week. Your attitude is so severe I can guarantee anyone who waits on you picks up on it, and servers who have been around for a while will occasionally choose to risk getting stiffed in order to have some fun with especially difficult people. Immature? Absolutely. But no tip is worth being treated like a slave by a very entitled and uptight customer. I'll bet if you went to anger management classes, you'd find you suddenly started getting better service when you go out to eat. Consider it. Seriously.

Anonymous said...

I wish people like springs1 wore a scarlett letter so they can be easily identified. No amount of a tip is worth catering to people who think they know everything about an industry they clearly have never worked in. I'd rather eat ramen than deal with jerks like that.

Anonymous said...

when you decide to talk (blog) about your server as a fellow human being, and not your personal slave you might get less servers spitting in your meals.

Anonymous said...

Can someone take the caps lock button away from springs1 until she's been taught how to use it responsibly? I can't take anything she says seriously because I can barely understand it

Springs1 said...

Anonymous
"when you decide to talk (blog) about your server as a fellow human being,"

They are human beings. You act like we are DOLLAR SIGNS. We are not there to do what *YOU* want.

YOU should be considerate of how *WE* want things. WE ARE HUMAN TOO, NOT DOLLAR SIGNS!

"and not your personal slave"

You are because you want our money. YOU ARE GETTING PAID TO DO WHAT WE WANT AT OUR EVERY WHIM DUMMY!! Seriously, you are a slave when you work for the public for a tip.

If I want 5 refills, 2 helpings of bread, 5 condiments, etc., that's your job.

Anonymous said...

Any manager who would fire someone over a bogus complaint from an asshole like Springs1 should be fired themselves. End of story.

Springs1 said...

"Any manager who would fire someone over a bogus complaint from an asshole like Springs1 should be fired themselves. End of story."

I got 3 servers fired, FOR REAL! NOTHING IS BOGUS about the complaints I had. 2 were RUDE, SASSY to my face and 1 STOLE, REFUSED to give back $9 of change to someone in my party and even gave me on purpose the wrong gift card(one that didn't have money on it).

Anonymous said...

I watched a doctor on TV do surgery so by springs1 logic I have a few pointers i'm going to present to my local hospital tomorrow. Thanks for letting me know that's acceptable. I thought I had to have actual real world knowledge of things before I recommended changes and inserted my unwanted two cents!

Anonymous said...

Well then you found three of the STUPIDEST managers on the face of the Earth.

Springs1 said...

Anonymous
"I watched a doctor on TV do surgery so by springs1 logic I have a few pointers i'm going to present to my local hospital tomorrow. Thanks for letting me know that's acceptable. I thought I had to have actual real world knowledge of things before I recommended changes and inserted my unwanted two cents!"

First off, being a doctor you have to have SCHOOLING, being a server you can not even graduate from high school to be a server.

Secondly, you aren't there getting the service, you are a spectator, which is NOT THE SAME.

You are basically saying that I can just watch people on tv eat out and feel the same way. I never did feel this way until I started to eat out frequently myself because I didn't know how it felt to be a frequent customer until I was one.

You know how you feel when you get your server that brings you let's say the wrong side dish. If it's your server, well DUHH, it's common sense who is at fault for that, right?

Understand what I am saying?

You are comparing being a spectator to being at the restaurant, NOT THE SAME.

Also, you are comparing schooling to be a doctor vs. not much schooling to be a server. There's no real way to compare these 2 at all.

Springs1 said...

Anonymous
A good example, when I hardly ever ate out, I gave a man a raw twist donut and made him pay for it. Do you think I'd do that today? I couldn't FATHOM doing that, understand? I wasn't a customer to think about it like a customer, understand?

A lady had a cold croissant and I ignored her back in 1998 when I didn't eat out much in my lifetime. Do you think I would do that today? OF COURSE NOT, I am ASHAME that I did ANYTHING like these 2 things, I really am.

Understand what I am getting at now?

Eating out has taught me A LOT MORE than if when I watched it on tv.

Springs1 said...

Anonymous
Now I know how it feels to be *THAT* customer with the cold croissant, wrong food, something wrong with the food(raw, undercooked), etc.

Understand how I got so knowledgeable about how to do the job and how I didn't know anything when I served customers at first?

I shouldn't have made the man pay for the raw donut. That was terrible of me, but all I thought about was the sales, not the person eating it. I didn't think like a customer, so I didn't act like one, because I WASN'T ONE much at all. NOW YOU UNDERSTAND?

Springs1 said...

Ingrid, work slave
"while runs food: "Oh, it looks like they forgot your mayonnaise"

What you should have said is:

"I'm sorry, **I** forgot your mayonnaise, can I get you all some refills?"

See, this is where you should be HONEST AND NICE. You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

Anonymous said...

OMG! I just laughed so hard I cried at the thought of YOU telling anyone that THEY should be nice. Go get a damn dictionary, look up the words "irony" and "hypocrite".

Kris B said...

To Anonymous and everyone else, if you keep feeding it...it will come back. Springs1 wants attention and his/her opinions validated. Trolls are trolls, always trying to bait people into pointless arguments. We get it...its his job to make every customers' experience some orgasm on a plate and some big bad waiter/waitress hurt you so its your life mission to do whatever this fuckery is you are doing. But just stop it makes you seem sad, neurotic, and worth pity. BW....funny as hell and sexy as always!!!

Springs1 said...

Anonymous
"OMG! I just laughed so hard I cried at the thought of YOU telling anyone that THEY should be nice. Go get a damn dictionary, look up the words "irony" and "hypocrite"."

First off, I am NICE. I even tell my server "thank you" BEFORE and AFTER they get my items. I ask nicely for things. I also tell the server "thank you" even though they don't say they are sorry when they mess up even.

Secondly, if you want the customer's money called a tip, you shouldn't LIE to the customer and you SHOULD APOLOGIZE when *YOU* mess up.

Springs1 said...

Kris B.
"Springs1 wants attention and his/her opinions validated. Trolls are trolls, always trying to bait people into pointless arguments."

I don't want attention and they aren't opinions as far as what the customer gets to rule since it's *THEIR MONEY* and that it is the server's fault for forgotten condiments. THOSE ARE FACTS, NOT OPINIONS!

I AM NOT A TROLL, NOT A TROLL!!

Ingrid annoyed by springs 1 existence said...

I got excited about what people were saying but then I realized springs1 was back...ugh.

Kris B said...

Exactly...Ingrid. I could give two hard fucks if someone forgot my ketchup...you know why...shit happens. Politely say excuse me, but could you get me...(insert zesty flavoring agent). And I assume statements become facts when you put them in caps, little girl please. On to reading the next funny article!!!

Practical Parsimony said...

You don't care how I am and I don't really care how you are. Right? You are just being polite. A social lubricant is good. But, when a server asks "How are you?" I say, "Fine, and how are you?" THEN, I get to hear a litany of complaints spurred on by my pitying response. Manners in a restaurant dictate an obligatory response, not a commisseration with the server's problem.

This lack of manners goes both ways.

When I am asked for a drink and I say "tea," and the waiter rudely tells me that alcohol is what he meant, what am I to do?--ask if the server means alcoholic or non?

But, yes, pople are stupid!

Springs1 said...

Kris B.
"I could give two hard fucks if someone forgot my ketchup...you know why...shit happens."

This is because you aren't a picky eater that you are willing to eat your food without it, aren't you?

It's the REASON WHY I ORDER THAT ITEM IS THE CONDIMENTS. WITHOUT THE CONDIMENTS, NO POINT IN EATING IT.

Obviously to me if you feel that way, WHY bother giving you ketchup if you don't care, huh?

Springs1 said...

Kris B.
"Politely say excuse me, but could you get me...(insert zesty flavoring agent)."

NO, I repeat my order by saying NICELY "I ordered a side of ranch." The server should say "Sorry, I will get that for you." Then when they bring it, they should say "Sorry about that." I say "thank you."

I am not going to ask without letting them know they forgot it, DUHH, they have to know WHY their tip will be going down. I want them to know WHY I am asking them then and that I am reminding them I asked them a long time ago for this item and didn't receive it.

Springs1 said...

Kris B.
"you know why...shit happens."

But this shit shouldn't hardly EVER, EVER happen, because that can be brought out ***********AHEAD OF TIME*************. There's no excuse for forgetting condiments, NONE! I mean, this should happen maybe once a year if that for something simple as something you can bring out ahead of time, seriously. Anticipate customers needs. If they said they wanted mayo and mustard, ask if it's ok if you bring those out ahead of time and do so. That way, YOU WON'T FORGET!

jtn said...

Looks like Springs1 is off her meds again.

Springs1 said...

jtn
"Looks like Springs1 is off her meds again."

I DON'T TAKE MEDICATIONS, DON'T NEED ANY. YOU DO THOUGH TO SAY SUCH A THING!!

Damian Byrdy said...

Springs1, you are the biggest flangita I have ever come across. Please come to my cafe so I can give you the slap in the face you deserve.

The point you have missed is that good manners cost nothing and make day to day experiences more enjoyable.

kris b said...

**clap.clap for Damian

Springs1 said...

Damian Byrdy
"Please come to my cafe so I can give you the slap in the face you deserve."

You are MEAN! I don't deserve it. HOW CAN YOU SAY SUCH A THING? Because I want what *I* want for my money that's so horrible?

"The point you have missed is that good manners cost nothing and make day to day experiences more enjoyable."

Good manners means not delaying customers from placing their orders. That's what CONSIDERATE SERVERS DO TO NOT DELAY CUSTOMERS FROM ORDERING!!

That's manners.

It's inconsiderate to just think about that *YOU* want to ask how we are doing, what if we don't want to answer, you are going to FORCE US? SERIOUSLY, it's OUR MONEY, WHY FORCE US? Is that very nice? NO, it's not.

JTN said...

Only the truly insane claim to not need medications. Seriously,get a psych eval...and I have the academic degrees to back that statement up. All your posts read like you are cycling in a manic state.
Take a breath and count the number of posts you have made in an hour... it's not rational.

Anonymous said...

I don't usually leave comments, but I'd like to jump inand say a few things here. Firstly, typing in a way that suggests you don't know how to speak really hinders any point you are trying to make. It's hard to UNDERSTAND THINGS ***WHEN**they are
***TYPED like THIS!!! It doesn't make any sense.

Secondly, a good tip isn't worth waiting on rude, ignorant, demanding people. I'm not going to bend over backwards for someone who's a blatant asshole, even of I know they're going to tip well. I'd rather focus more of my attention on other people who may or may not tip well. I'm a server, not a slave. I make enough money each shift that I'm not too worried about losing one "good tip" by not letting some jerk walk all over me.

Thirdly, when we say the kitchen forgot something, its because the kitchen forgot something. If we say the kitchen forgot the mayo, that means it was the kitchen's job to provide the mayo, and they forgot. Most likely we don't even have access to the mayo. but by acknowledging that the mayo was forgotten, and letting you know we will be right back to bring it to you, what exactly are you so mad about? And to say that if someone else runs our food and something is missing, it's our fault for not bringing the missing items first, is ignorant. We were probably busy at the exact minute food was ready and the other server was not busy, so she ran it to help us better help you. we probably didn't know ahead of time that she was going to run it. We weren't planning on being at another table when your food came up. The other server probably thought you'd rather have your food now (and then maybe wait a minute for any specific items that might be missing) than wait for your server to run it herself.

I'm willing to bet everyone reading your comments would not like to ever wait on you, and we'd rather you just keep your money and eat somewhere else- preferably in your own home

Fool Critic said...

Springs1, darling.

You are not a paying customer here. You are an idiot on the internet. Stop raving on about your money.

This blog is for people who WORK as servers. Not you. You are not welcome here, you are not entitled to anything, and the owner of this space has already told you to fuck off. I heartily support him, as well as suggest any further comments from you are deleted.

There are plenty of other places you can go on your insane caps-lock-loving rants about what you think servers should do. How about one of your own many pathetic blogs? I see you have one for every year you have been alive: 12.

We don't give a fuck what you think. You think you can change that? You can't. Does that make you angry? Good.

Anonymous said...

Love the last paragraph.

Anonymous said...

Cuddos to the blog administrator who FINALLY deleted one of Spring1's comments. Could we, the rest of your blog readers, request that you immediately delete any future rants from him/her? Not nust on this post, but all of them past, present and future? Thanks! I love the blog but someone seriously needs to do something about this person. :-)

Damian Byrdy said...

Springs1, hiding behind a pseudonym, how about you tell us where you work and what you do so we can be as rude to you as you are to us in your work place?

Sarah said...

Wow. I've seen the Springs type of person in restaurants, and even been in a party with such before, but have always been embarrassed. A tip is a tip; the 'meat' of many servers' earnings but also not worth blatant degradation.

Being specific about an order is one thing, and a trait most servers would actually appreciate (the alternative being made to fix mistakes for an irate customer who didn't tell you what they really wanted in the first place). Serving a control freak who grossly overvalues their time and money is quite another thing. People who are picky to the point of finding 41 major faults with all servers and restaurants should learn to cook at home, or pay for a private chef so as to not inflict themselves on the public at large.
BW, you can rock this customer's world anytime.

jaimez1313 said...

Bitchy-"Wrong AND stupid" loool!
Springs1- Hey! You're the person this blog is about! That's why you're so pissed off about it. Obviously it struck a nerve, otherwise you wouldn't be ranting and raving like a fucking maniac. I like how you think because someone is your food server you don't have to display common courtesy or treat them like a human being. That's okay-not all of us were raised with manners. I bet you've eaten TONS of food with spit in it due to your caveman attitude. Let me guess- you're a white teenage boy who likes to bully people and get attention by hijacking other people's blogs. Aww that's so sad. Did daddy not love you enough or did he love you TOO much, hmm?

Anonymous said...

Vet's office employee here and we've got some morons of our own.

First Name
Last Name
Pet's Name

People don't seem to realize that these are three different things. If you ask for any one of them, you have an equal chance of getting any of them as a response.
ie. "What's your last name?" -Fido

When asking questions, you start at a high level and work downward until you reach the client's intelligence level.
Example:
Q:Is your dog spayed?
A: Is she what?
Q: is she spaded? (local mispronunciation)
A: Is she what?
Q: Can she have puppies?
A: No, she hasn't had sex.

...sigh

My favorite question of all time though, was one that the client asked me.

"I want to get my dog fixed, but I want to breed her once. Should I get her fixed before or after I breed her?"

Unknown said...

Me: how are you folks tonight?
Them: what's your special?
Me: I'm good, thanks. Tonight we have-(blah blah) Can I get you started with a beverage?
Them: we're not ready to order
Me: Beer, wine, ice tea?
Them: I'm good with water, can we get some bread?
Me: how's your dinner tonight?
Them: can we get some ranch?
Me: sure, and how's your food?
etc. etc. It never ends...

The Bitchy Waiter said...

We all know Springs 1 is nuttier than a fucking Snickers bar. Please ignore her posts and do not respond to her comments. Trolls like her only survive by other comments. Please refrain from feeding the troll. Thank you. And scene.

Sherry QuiteContrary said...

Wow I had hoped Springs had died a slow painful death. I remember the trollish bullshit she blathered on about on The Raging Server's Blog. I do miss that blog and Steven.

Elizabeth Seiber said...

Oh God....please, everyone, stop talking to her! Please Springs, just go away! I want to be able to read blogs and comment on them without having to scroll through your bullshit and then have you attack any comment I post.

But anyways, I absolutely hate when people don't answer the question you asked with a matching response. I think it's even worse when they totally ignore you though, like if you ask if they're ready to order and they aren't, they can't even have the decency to look up and tell you that they'd like some more time. They just glance at you and then continue to stare at each other/their menus like you're invisible. Ugh.

Elizabeth Seiber said...

"This is the same way we feel as customers when we are made to answer how we are doing that it *WASTES TIME* and it is VERY INCONSIDERATE!!"

...so when you have to answer how you are doing you feel like you are being ignored? because that's how the servers feels when they're, ya know, ignored. lol. Never thought I'd see the day when considering someone's feelings by asking them how they are could be considered inconsiderate.

Can't believe I'm getting sucked into this. oops.

Elizabeth Seiber said...

But I do appreciate that you agreed with me there. Thank you for answering your servers.

witchybaiter said...

Anyone who believes this shitbag has ever left a 25 or 30 percent tip is as delusional as s/he is. This is the kind of person whose sole goal is to find excuses to whittle the tip down to nothing for imagined slights and invented infractions.

amber said...

I'm sorry, I decided to not wade through this shitstorm of comments made mostly by one controlling asshole. I will never be so VERY HUNGRY and VERY THIRSTY that I will act out in a way that suggests that I have set evolution back a few missing links. There is no goddamn way I will have not eaten all day long and pass up a drive-thru if I really can't stand to go back to my house and make myself a snack. There is no excuse for awful behavior, if you skip a whole goddamn day of eating or drinking anything, first off you're goddamn nuts! Secondly, you don't need to be waiting longer so you can go out to eat, where you KNOW you will be waiting probably 30 more minutes before you can get your meal at the latest. At least I hope that's how things work in your favor because someone like you will probably start to chew up the menus and chairs if, god forbid, it should take even longer than that.

But hey, at least you haven't procreated!

JTN said...

The clinical term for many of these comments is called 'pressured speech' which probably falls under the category closer to cluttered speech... Bipolar manic episodes can be marked by periods of high irritability that can be coupled with(but not always) feelings of grandiosity.
Basically folks, just agree with everything she says and walk away because there isn't any reasoning with a person in these phases. You can stir the pot to entertain yoruself, but its more sad than educational or informative.

Elizabeth Seiber said...

JTN has a good point...I'm swearing off speaking to/acknowledging/reading about Springs1 ever again, not matter how entertaining it is. Never again. I shouldn't waste even a second of my life with this nonsense. bahaha.

Fool Critic said...

Anyway, let's actually discuss the topic. This thread is starting to dangerously look like one of those very idiotic Q and As:

Q: Hello readers, would you like to comment on this post?
A: I WANT ***KETCHUP***!!!!

Wrong, and stupid.

Q: Are your customers as stupid as mine are?
A: Yes.

I also notice that customers like answering with information you couldn't possibly give a shit about, or do anything about.

Q: Would you like to order?
A: I don't have my glasses.

Wrong.

Q: Coffee or dessert?
A: I've been eating fruit all day.

Wrong. Maybe before opening their ignorant mouths, customers might like to consider:

Q: Can your server do anything about this superfluous information?

If the answer is NO, then shut up and answer properly.

Q: Certain idiot individual, do you honestly think tipping occasionally means you can threaten people with being "written up or fired" when they are on the other side of the world and commenting on a blog?
A: I'M TOO STUPID TO READ! DO YOU WANT MY MONEY OR NOT??? I LIKE ASTERISKS!!!

Wrong.

Kris B said...

Lmao@ Fool Critic.

The Bitchy Waiter said...

Once more, Springs 1. Stop, please. We get it. I will continue to delete your comments or I will just delete this whole post in order to stop getting emails telling me you have left another ten comments. Get. A. Life. You have your own blog. Go to it, crazy.

Springs1 said...

Elizabeth Seiber
"Never thought I'd see the day when considering someone's feelings by asking them how they are could be considered inconsiderate."

HOW when people are ******VERY HUNGRY AND THIRSTY******** as well as also WHY do you think the *MAIN* reason people go out to eat? It's to *EAT*!

HOW do you not consider this when you aren't thinking about when ********YOU********** ARE (HUNGRY) AND (THIRSTY) HUH? Do you like waiting for a table? Do you like waiting in line when you are hungry even at a fast food restaurant? Wouldn't you rather be first? Wouldn't you rather not wait ONE SECOND MORE than you had to, to place your order?

If you say you would rather get it quicker, well then HOW can you not understand this? If you don't, then WHY did you come to the restaurant if you weren't hungry or thirsty may I ask at the *TIME* you went huh?

"..so when you have to answer how you are doing you feel like you are being ignored?"

I didn't ignore anyone's presence. For example, let's say the server says "Hi my name is Springs1, How are you all are doing tonight, can I start you all off with something to drink? We just say what we want to drink. It's not ignoring the server. It is ignoring the question, but we have a right to since *WE* are **PAYING** for our TIME NOT TO BE WASTED ON DELAYING OUR ORDERS from getting to us.

We aren't ignoring the server. We still are talking to the server, but about what *WE* want to talk about which is the ORDERS, NOT how we are doing which is NOT important to serve us, understand?

You aren't being considerate about when you are SOOO HUNGRY. I bet you never skip meals do you? I DO, so at times my first meal wasn't until 6p.m. at night or if I ate breakfast, it was at 6a.m. in the morning meaning around 12hrs later which it wasn't a huge breakfast or anything either.

You obviously have NEVER waited an hour for a table and been SOOO HUNGRY you could eat almost anything, huh?

"But I do appreciate that you agreed with me there. Thank you for answering your servers."

I am not going to be inconsiderate to other customer's time if I don't know what I want, DUHH that's just mean to them and to my server's tip that is being altered by them spending more time at my table for no real reason.

We always say when we need more time. That just makes sense. I wouldn't want my server standing there anyway if I didn't know what I wanted; that would be pretty annoying anyway if they were over my shoulders in my face almost when I would be trying to decide.

"Never thought I'd see the day when considering someone's feelings by asking them how they are could be considered inconsiderate."

I will say this again, HOW could you NOT think about when you are SOOO HUNGRY AND THIRSTY THAT YOU COULD EAT ALMOST ANYTHING IN SIGHT HUH? Do *YOU* want to wait ONE SECOND MORE than necessary to get your food or drinks? I don't. If I could get my drinks in 2.2 SECONDS, I would want that. I know that's not possible, but we have had refills FOR REAL in under a minute, because the server just went to get the refills and didn't do anything else.

If I could get my stuff in 2.2 seconds, I want it. WHO LOVES WAITING? If you don't want your drink fast, TELL YOUR SERVER "Can you please wait 10 minutes to bring my coke out" OR DON'T ORDER IT SO FAST, SERIOUSLY!!

WHO LOVES WAITING IF THEY WANT THEIR STUFF, HUH?

I shouldn't have to answer questions I don't want to.

Springs1 said...

Elizabeth Seiber
Here's a real example that happened years ago:

Once, we had a waiter that we didn’t know after waiting 15 mins. for a table on Mardi Gras day ask us BEFORE we ORDERED ANYTHING “How’s y’all’s Mardi Gras” “Go to any parades.” See, I don’t mind chit chat with a stranger, but be considerate to do it AFTER we have our orders into the computer so you don’t take up our time.

Think about WHY we waited 15 minutes for a table? Because of that STUPID CRAP. People are hungry and thirsty. My husband, while he doesn't always agree on everything, he 100% AGREED with me on this one. For starters, it made us feel awkward, because we don't go to parades. We did as kids, but as adults since we don't have kids, we don't go, PERIOD! Secondly, WHAT BUSINESS is that of the server's A STRANGER I might add? What I wanted to say to him is "Can we please order, we are VERY HUNGRY AND THIRSTY?" But I DIDN'T, we just answered that we didn't go to any parades to be nice about it not to seem rude, but he was being rude FIRST by DELAYING US FROM PLACING OUR ORDER. WE ALREADY WAITED FUCKING 15 MINUTES ALREADY. WE WERE HUNGRY. I bet that day I didn't eat anything until around 5p.m. that day is around when we had gone.

Think about ALL the *TIME* the server could have been getting refills or the check or something else for SOMEONE ELSE instead of DOING THAT BS! That's SOOO INCONSIDERATE!!

WHY do you think people do this? They aren't being mean, they are just simply HUNGRY, VERY HUNGRY AND THIRSTY, that's all. It's not that they are being mean to you all. You don't understand WHY we want our stuff fast, maybe you should skip an entire day of eating or drinking ANYTHING(the day before obviously eating normal amounts) and see how you feel at 8p.m. at night waiting that long to eat. THEN TELL ME HOW YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT'S INCONSIDERATE!! NOW DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

Springs1 said...

amber
"one controlling asshole."

YOU are controlling since it's not your money stupid ass IDIOT!! Seriously, HOW can you try to control something ********SOMEONE ELSE********** IS *****PAYING******** FOR, HUH? THAT'S NOT IN YOUR RIGHTS! You aren't paying, you have NO SAY IN IT, PERIOD!!

YOU NEED TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR AT WHO IS CONTROLLING. WE HAVE A RIGHT TO CONTROL, because *******WE ARE PAYING THE TIP STUPID ASS**********! OUR MONEY RULES OUR SERVERS STUPID!! THAT'S HOW THE REAL WORLD WORKS IF THEY WANT OUR MONEY, DUHHH!!

"There is no goddamn way I will have not eaten all day long and pass up a drive-thru if I really can't stand to go back to my house and make myself a snack."

I want to be hungry enough to eat 3 meals in one. I can't be hungry enough if I don't skip meals STUPID ASS!

Don't you want to sell me more so your tip will be more STUPID?

I mean, would you rather us not get an appetizer or desserts because we are too FULL to do so? I doubt that.

"There is no excuse for awful behavior,"

WHAT AWFUL BEHAVIOR? WE ANSWERED HIS FUCKING QUESTION. We aren't being mean. YOU ARE BEING AWFUL TO THE CUSTOMER BY DELAYING THEM FROM GETTING THEIR FOOD AND DRINKS, because you want the CONTROL OVER THEIR MONEY.

" if you skip a whole goddamn day of eating or drinking anything, first off you're goddamn nuts! "

NO, that's ********SMART********** SO OUR MONEY ISN'T GOING INTO THE TRASH, because we aren't hungry when we go STUPID ASS!!

That's SMART so we can eat a whole bunch of food at once STUPID!!

That's SMART! It's stupid to go to a restaurant and not be hungry, DUHHH!! YOU ARE THE ONE THAT IS STUPID and NUTS!!

"Secondly, you don't need to be waiting longer so you can go out to eat, where you KNOW you will be waiting probably 30 more minutes before you can get your meal at the latest"

I don't need to, but if I *CHOOSE* to, I have EVERY RIGHT to HURRY UP TO PLACE MY ORDERS IMMEDIATELY IF I WANT TO!! We have before once for example waited 40 minutes for a table at Macaroni Grill and we ordered everything except dessert(appetizer, side salads, entrée) WHEN GREETED. We read the menu when we were waiting. WHY can't we rush to order? It's OUR MONEY YOU WANT IN THE TIP STUPID CONTROL FREAK? YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS TO SPEND OUR TIME IN A WAY YOU WANT IT, because you aren't the person *PAYING* THE TIP HERE, WE ARE!!

Springs1 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Springs1 said...

The Bitchy Waiter
"Once more, Springs 1. Stop, please. We get it. I will continue to delete your comments or I will just delete this whole post in order to stop getting emails telling me you have left another ten comments. Get. A. Life. You have your own blog. Go to it, crazy."

If you get it, WHY are you CONTINUING TO DO WHAT *YOU* WANT when you aren't ********PAYING******** THE **************TIP************, HUH?

WHY DO YOU WANT CONTROL? WHAT BUSINESS IS IT OF YOURS HOW SOMEONE IS DOING WHEN YOUR JOB IS TO GET WHAT THEY ASK, THAT'S IT, NOTHING ELSE, HUH?

You can continue to delete, I just have it saved in MSWORD, so all I am doing is COPYING AND PASTING, DUHHH!!

*YOU* need to get a life that you feel you need to control OTHER PEOPLE'S DINING EXPERIENCES. It's not up to *YOU* how they want their time spent, UNDERSTAND?

WE ARE PAYING, so you have NO SAY in HOW we spend our time at the restaurant, understand?

That means if we don't want to answer how we are doing, we don't have to, because *WE* ARE PAYING NOT YOU, WITH THAT TIP YOU GET AT THE END, UNDERSTAND?

LOOK IN THE MIRROR WHO SAYS GET A LIFE, SERIOUSLY, you have this HUGE BLOG and are bothered by stupidness. WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK IF THEY TELL YOU HOW THEY ARE DOING WHEN YOU AIN'T PAYING THE TIP, HUH? You aren't paying for the service, so WHY SHOULD IT GET TO BE THE WAY*********YOU************ PERSONALLY WANT IT, HUH?

When you pay the customer's tip, ONLY ******THEN******* YOU CAN TRULY COMPLAIN ABOUT THIS, UNDERSTAND?

I mean I can understand you complaining if someone was mean/rude or yelled at you, but this isn't the case here. YOU ARE BEING RUDE AND INCONSIDERATE to the customer.

All they want is to eat and drink. They aren't interested in having a conversation when they are extremely HUNGRY AND THIRSTY. WHY you think that lady asked you for bread so quickly? Did she wait for a table perhaps? Even if she didn't, maybe she didn't eat much that day? Did that EVER OCCUR TO YOU TO BE CONSIDERATE OF HER HUNGER? SERIOUSLY, the tip is NOT ABOUT HOW YOU WANT THINGS, it's about *HOW WE* WANT THINGS as customers if you want our money, you have to satisfy ***************US*************************************, NOT YOURSELF!!

SO STOP THIS CONTROLLING AND START BEING **********CONSIDERATE*********** OF CUSTOMER'S TIME, HUNGER, AND THIRST and you will get A MUCH BIGGER TIP, I PROMISE YOU, because WHY are SOOO MANY PEOPLE DOING THIS IF YOU THINK YOU ARE CORRECT, HUH? I mean, I am not in the minority on this one and you know it!! People don't like waiting in general. I bet you don't either, so act like it's *YOU* at the customer's table instead and just CUT TO THE CHASE to get their orders. They don't want their time wasted. BE NICE and CONSIDERATE and they will be MUCH MORE NICER to you when it comes tip time. YOU KNOW WHAT I AM SAYING IS THE TRUTH!!

Anonymous said...

Dear BW,
Congratulations on your newly acquired troll! Very entertaining. Almost like a garden gnome, just a little more argumentative, unpleasant, entitled and obnoxiously rude.
Wherever did you find this misguided creature?
I guess it just hopped on your blog like the parasites are wont to do.
And such things it says!
"I AM NOT A TROLL, NOT A TROLL!!" ...said the troll..
Very clever.
"I DON'T TAKE MEDICATIONS".
Now that's self-evident, so I presume you're keeping your troll for the comic relief value?

Please don't take it the wrong way, BW, I wouldn't presume to tell you what to do on your own blog page, but perhaps the troll training and civility classes would go a long way for your troll.

Respectfully,
~PolishSpring

Damian Byrdy said...

I use this one regularly:
Q: Hi, how are you?
A: I'll have a latte.
Q: That sounds serious, are you taking something for that, or seen a doctor?

Anonymous said...

Wow! never knew trolls existing, but now i have proof!!!

Working in the insurance industry I dealt with a lot of clients who were either idiots or jumped to conclusions for one reason or another. Once, one would not listen to me when i tried to explain why his math was not adding up... He yelled at me over the phone and said "I can do math! i have a masters degree!"... well I DONT and if you ALLOWED me to explain to you that your first payment will be 40% of the premium, then 20%, 20% & 20% you could see it all adds up correctly... be friendly to insurance agents, we get yelled at by idiots ALL DAY!!!

Elizabeth Seiber said...

@Damian, that's fantastic! Maybe I'll use that one someday :)

leesuhrenay said...

Hellarious!

Anonymous said...

springs. go to hell. if your mardi gras is that fucking bad, get the fuck out of louisiana and go to a lobster festival you cunt nozzle

Practical Parsimony said...

Oooo, I know a Springs1--nutcase. I go out to eat and feel like I am going to pass out even if I have eaten regularly all day long. It's called reactive hypoglycemia. It cannot be controlled easily, but I can control my mouth and attitude.

However, I tell the server I am feeling like I may pass out, and can I have something, anything, right now. I am not picky and I am not kidding. I did not go without food all day long just to get special treatment. However, I do try to carry something with me since I KNOW this is my problem.

I apologize profusely. I acknowledge my problem. If there is a salad bar or any food anywhere, I just get it myself without intruding on the server turf.

Yes, I want the server to get what I ask for (dressing or such) immediately, but I understand making rounds and getting lots of things people want, coming back and disbursing them all. That is the price I pay for not have a servant of my own.

I have been to dinner with an entitled friend and she has embarassed me to no end. I mock her in front of the server she has captured to do her bidding. She expects a server to do everything except chew her food. She is relentless in her demands.

BW, if you moderate all comments, why is spring1 on here? I think he or she is loving this. I think her comments fall under "comment solely to annoy me."

Fool Critic said...

If moron customers are going to answer with such ridiculous non-sequiturs, I say we beat them at their own game.

Q: May we have a table for five?
A: I have a mole on my back.

Q: Does that come with mashed potato?
A: I like string.

Q: Do you have chocolate cake?
A: Sometimes if you look really closly at white noise, you can see faces.

Q: WHY DO YOU WANT CONTROL? WHAT BUSINESS IS IT OF YOURS HOW SOMEONE IS DOING WHEN YOUR JOB IS TO GET WHAT THEY ASK, THAT'S IT, NOTHING ELSE, HUH?
A: Whoops, I just took all your moeny and stabbed you in the face.

Pierre said...

Springs1:

I'm not sure if it's that she was touched in her no-no spot without her consent that makes her so angry, or if it's because no one has touched her no-no spot in like a decade that makes her that way.

Either way, I wish you and your family nothing but cancerous tumors, you rotten person. No one likes you, you have no friends in real life, so you take on this miserable cunt-of-a-bitch personality online to make up for your lack of social interactions.

Let's ignore her until she stops posting online for a few weeks, at which point we can assume she died of ranch poisoning and no one found her bloated corpse as of yet, at which point the whole world will celebrate.

Miss Noir said...

OH MAN! YOU GOT SPINGS 1'D!! She's my internet obsession! RAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNCCCCCCHHHHH!

Springs1 said...

Anonymous
"if your mardi gras is that fucking bad, get the fuck out of louisiana and go to a lobster festival you cunt nozzle"

This has *****NOTHING********* to do with Mardi Gras being bad. It has to do with that we were HUNGRY AND THIRSTY that we WANTED TO FUCKING ORDER. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT, HUH? Having a conversation can be done ***************WHEN WE HAVE ORDERED ALREADY AND WE ARE WAITING FOR OUR FOOD*********, WHICH IS MUCH MORE ***CONSIDERATE**** THAN MAKING OUR FOOD AND DRINKS TAKE LONGER TO GET TO US STUPID!

As I said before, SKIP MEALS THE ENTIRE DAY(eating normally the day before, because if you ate bunches of things the day before you may not be hungry much the next day) AND ****THEN**** SEE HOW *******YOU******** FEEL when a server delays you. YOU KNOW WHAT I AM SAYING IS THE GOD'S TRUTH!!

Springs1 said...

Practical Parsimony
"but I understand making rounds and getting lots of things people want, coming back and disbursing them all."

They shouldn't be making rounds to be *FAIR* and doing things *MORALLY RIGHT*. They should be getting things in the *ORDER* in which they came in.

For example, let's say you ask for 2 refills your table, as your server passes by another table, they ask for their check. Your server should be getting your refills FIRST since you did ask for your refills BEFORE that person that asked for their check. It's only fair you know.

If nobody called the server over, then they should just be getting your refills, not making rounds so you wait 5-10 minutes for your refills putting you last when you were first, understand? That would be VERY UNFAIR. Now obviously if some other table's food is ready, THEN your refills will wait their turn which could be 5 minutes or so later, because the other people that ordered their food asked for their food *BEFORE* you.

When servers make rounds, they make the poor first person wait 10 minutes at times for things that they shouldn't be making for bad service for the first table. It's truly an UNFAIR way to serve.

Unless the server is called over, you shouldn't go to another table if you have pending request at hand. If they do call you over, you can still do the tasks in the order in which they came in. It would be VERY UNFAIR, EXTREMELY UNFAIR if the server got the check for that other table that ordered 2nd, BEFORE your refills, because you did ask for what you wanted BEFORE them.

Understand what I am getting at that the first person shouldn't be made to be last as if they were last in line to let cutting happen that it is SOOOO UNFAIR to serve in that manner, huh? No server should be making rounds PERIOD unless they are called over or have previously ordered items that were ordered BEFORE that person that just asked for something.

Springs1 said...

Practical Parsimony
"but I understand making rounds and getting lots of things people want, coming back and disbursing them all."

One more thing, they should be disbursing them in the order in which they came in. NO handing things out of order and then expecting a good tip, that's MORALLY WRONG!!

That means let's say you just ordered 2 refills, the next table called your server over to get 1 refill, your server should hand your refills first off the tray to you FIRST, NOT the next table's one refill first. It's just COMMON DECENCY and not letting CUTTING happen. If your server hands the other refill before yours, that's MORALLY WRONG and NOT RIGHT AT ALL, that's CUTTING!!

Autumn (yes, real name) said...

Just a thought here Springs, perhaps you should start frequenting fast food establishments - "chit chat" with a stranger is not manditory (just order a super size #2, seeing as how you are so hungry and thirsty), you will not have to wait a long time because the burger is already under the hot lamps, and you won't have to leave a tip. Win-win for everyone.

No, I am not a server and I never have been one however I have been a customer sitting next to someone like you and, to be honest, you come across as unpleasant to us as you are to the staff - and I usually end up snickering and whispering about you with the servers.

One other thought - perhaps the server is making "chit chat" with your hungry/thirsty self so that the other person/people in your party can make up their minds or perhaps the poor, misguided soul is trying to be nice. You see, I am sure that they cannot come back to chat with you because there are other customers for them them to attend to and conversation with you (shocking as it might be!) is not on the top of their list of priorities.

Please take a few minutes to calm down - this much stress and yelling can't be good for you.

Springs1 said...

Autumn
"perhaps the server is making "chit chat" with your hungry/thirsty self so that the other person/people in your party can make up their minds"

HOW when they are talking to the **********BOTH********** OF US STUPID? Seriously, even if I had 4 other people at my table, HOW CAN THEY *********CONCENTRATE********* on reading the menu if someone is talking, huh? Seriously, what you are saying is stupid, it really is.

Autumn said...

Springs,

My mistake - I forgot that when your royal countenance walks into the restaurant, everyone should fall silent in reverence to you and your party's reading needs. Don't forget - when you mouth the words that you are reading in your head, you understand them more. Obviously multi-tasking is not one of your strong suits, which is OK - not everyone can walk and chew gum. Just a question, though - do you drive and listen to the radio or talk on the phone? I ask because sometimes you have to read things such as signs or addresses and I am just wondering whether you are as distracted in that instance as well.

Finally, you can call me stupid any day of the week - congratulations on your witty repartee - however I have used more multi-syllable words in my 2 posts to you than you have used in all of the posts you have made today (and I am pretty sure that you utilized dictionary.com to figure out a few of my words!). Perhaps "stupid" is actually using such terms as "cutting" and "it's not fair" when attempting to carry on an adult debate. Maybe others would be more interested in what you have to say if you grew up a little, lost your ill-advised superiority complex, and remembered that Galileo said that the earth revolves around the sun, not you.

Springs1 said...

Autumn
"Obviously multi-tasking is not one of your strong suits,"

For each customer's table it is as far as what each TABLE asks for at a time. If table 6 asked for 5 things, I would get all 5 things at once if it's all things I could control.

"say if you grew up a little"

Watch ALL the BLACK FRIDAY PEOPLE that FIGHT for their place in line STUPID IDIOT! THERE ARE MANY ADULTS HERE, DON'T YOU AGREE?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1zGjbFU1uE

Just watch all the *ADULTS* that don't feel this way STUPID.

Look up black friday fights on youtube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmA03yvkED4

There's a HUGE AMOUNT OF THEM STUPID, so WHY DON'T YOU GET YOUR *FACTS* STRAIGHT THAT IT'S NOT CHILDISH TO FIGHT TO BE FIRST STUPID ASS!!

NOBODY LIKES CUTTERS AND THAT INCLUDES MANY ADULTS!! YOU KNOW THAT IS THE GOD'S TRUTH!!

Face it your logic is 100% WRONG!!

"Perhaps "stupid" is actually using such terms as "cutting" and "it's not fair" when attempting to carry on an adult debate"

So when you say this, JUST WATCH THE *********MANY, MANY, MANY ADULTS THAT DON'T WANT CUTTERS!!

Still Autumn said...

OK, so you have now degraded to the point of simply making zero sense - congratulations on moving on to the next step. I cannot wait to see what comes after this - perhaps delusional ranting, wait - you've been there and done that. This is going to be good - I may stay tuned just to see which vein in your forhead pops first.

To that point, I will not even waste my time commenting on your innane drivel. Good luck in your future (angry) endeavours. I figure that the reason you choose to keep yourself and your location anonomous is out of concern for the sheer number of servers who simply dispise you and your behavior who one day might unite in the town square, gather torches and pitchforks, and come to your lonely (most likely hoarded) house. Bravo!

Autumn, who is now laughing said...

One last thing: you may want to brush up on your use of commas, unless this is (subconsciously) what you meant to say:

"There's a HUGE AMOUNT OF THEM STUPID, so WHY DON'T YOU GET YOUR *FACTS* STRAIGHT THAT IT'S NOT CHILDISH TO FIGHT TO BE FIRST STUPID ASS!!"

Now, proper commas usage would completely change that, however I do get the feeling that you have fought with a number of people to be the "first stupid ass". Such a tribute to your noted intelligence. Congratulations!

Anonymous said...

damn somebody needs a diaper change cause the bullshit keeps coming.
welcome to the real world troll.

Wood said...

Someone has a severe lack of rainbows and sunshine in their life. Stick to McDonalds if you want robot service.

Springs1 said...

Still Autumn
"OK, so you have now degraded to the point of simply making zero sense"

HOW, because I PROVED YOU WRONG that ADULTS ACT LIKE ANIMALS OVER WHO IS FIRST, ETC., HUH?

"Such a tribute to your noted intelligence."

YOU don't have much intelligence to know that people don't want cutting to happen and you KNOW IT!!

JTN said...

Dear Bitchy Waiter,
Please, for the love of all that's holy, please please please enable comment moderation.
Hugs and eyerolls at these comments,
JTN

Anonymous said...

Springs,

Do you ever have anything positive to say? Have you EVER had good service at a restaurant? Perhaps you should stick to McDonald's if you'd prefer robotic service, ma'am.

Anonymous said...

I wonder how many asshole customers get crappy, inattentive service 'accidentally on purpose'? You know.....so they will go somewhere ELSE to eat. ;-D

Springs1 said...

Anonymous
"Have you EVER had good service at a restaurant?"

Well OF COURSE, LOTS OF TIMES!!

Springs1 said...

Anonymous
"Perhaps you should stick to McDonald's if you'd prefer robotic service, ma'am."

NO, because I am not *PAYING* A ****TIP*****, so NO, I can't get what I want at McDonald's in service, because I am not tipping STUPID!!

Kris B said...

OMG is this bullshit still going on? Anywho back to topic...just came back from a birthday dinner at Red Lobster and from at least every table had the same question about the new "Endless Shrimp" promo..."So I can order as much as I want?" "Yes" "Any type of shrimp I want?" "No Sir/Ma'am, just the shrimp listed in the promotion section." "Why can't I order <insert shrimp not in the promo section.?"

Seriously? Do you think this poor girl woke up today and said, "Hey I don't think 2 ton Sally and her husband, One biscuit away from being designated a landmark, shouldn't have coconut shrimp?"

On a side note, this endless shrimp thing caps the price at 14.99 (at least where I am ) but the server is working much harder to keep bringing multiple servings of food at a cap price, which means a cap tip. Personal opinion, I tip on what the food would have cost me sans the promo. The poor girl busted her ass to bring out all of that food and she deserved it, go Victoria!!

Sarah said...

This sucks. I usually love coming on here and reading all the comments. Today.... not so much.

Jalger said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Springs1 said...

Jalger
"Omg Spring 1 you are a total, and complete nut job!!"

HOW may I ask? I am VERY NORMAL!

Springs1 said...

Jalger
"BW you're awesome!"

You obviously aren't a customer much or if you are, when you go out to eat, you aren't hungry much, are you?

Jalger said...

My all time fav that customers did to me when I was a server *Lifts up coffee cup and leaves it in the air* lol I tried my hardest to make sure I am checking on my tables but sometimes it could get a little hectic during breakfast. I think they look ridiculous holding it up in the air!

Kris B said...

That is rude as hell, was that their sign that they wanted more coffee? That would irritate me but also amuse me because I would have to make smart comments, "Look at you holding up your cup like a big boy/girl!!! So strong!!" And would keep on working.

Fool Critic said...

Ha - I did a similar thing when one dick customer was waving his two arms frantically to get my attention (in an area where you do not get table service - you order and pay at the bar). I sprinted over to the table, ran behind him, and gasped, "OH MY GOD, ARE YOU OK? DON'T WORRY, I'VE GOT YOU!"

"Huh?"

"Oh I'm sorry - I thought you were drowning."

Anonymous said...

My favorite is when i smile and greet them at the door, asking how they are doing, grab menues and seat them, and they say " hi how are you?" As if i was the rude one who never asked. Obviously they didnt even have enough manners to look at my face or notice that i was the only person working. I had a customer tell the bus girl that she needed something, and the girl told her shell go get their server, the woman pointed in the bus girls face and said " YOU are our server!" The other night i had a table order SEAFOOD stuffed mushrooms, ate them all and then asked what kind of stuffing was in them, i started with ritz crackers, butter...and she says "is there seafood in them, because i am allergic to seafood".... anoher favorite is when we tell someone they can sit "anywhere that is available" they choose the 8 top that is set up with menues for a reservation. Or how a party of 6 magically has 4 people that are "running too late aand arent coming, but can we keep this big giant booth that you save for groups?" Or " is this table REALLY reserved?" "Yes" "can we sit here anyways? Its not like its busy on wednesdays"..... people are amazing. :)

AJ said...

Oh my what a lively conversation realated to almost nothing in the post. Just because someone decided to share their opinion over and over again just like, and heres the shocker, BW is doing by having a blog! I take most of waht he rights as his way of venting his frustrations at customers and his job just like we all need to do. This just happens to be his choosen form. If you are unhappy with it you can easily hit the little button shaped like an X in the corner and leave the page! Another Shocker I know. As someone who has never worked in food service I still find the blog entertaining. Keep up the good and entertaining work BW!

Anonymous said...

If I ask 'What's your customer number?' I get 'Here's my coupon code ....'

JoeinVegas said...

Wow, over a hundred comments, you are a popular person BW.
Not much more I can add other than saying that my day is going well, hope you are having a fine time today despite the problems. Thanks for asking.

Junebug said...

Skipping meals is MORALLY WRONG.

DanORants said...

I bet Springs1 is one of those people who has no idea why she always gets poor service in restaurants.

I have a hint for you Springs... It's you, not the servers.

Springs1 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Springs1 said...

DanORants
"I have a hint for you Springs... It's you, not the servers."

HOW, tell me HOW? I am not the person that REFUSES TO WORK HARD AND BE LAZY. I am not the server who REFUSES to say they are sorry when they mess up. I am not the server that ASSUMES things such as when I want the check or if I want a refill when at times they have been wrong.

SO NO, YOU ARE 100 ZILLION, TRILLION, MILLION PERCENT WRONG!! I don't make the server not do their job and you KNOW IT!!

Springs1 said...

DanORants
One more thing:

Some servers even ADMITTED to OUR FACES they didn't try their best like one waitress said "I don't add it up", when we had 2 overcharged prices. Another waitress said "It's whatever is in the computer" when she rung something up wrong and didn't want to investigate the problem when asked why was something a certain price. Another waiter at a FINE DINING restaurant said "It's a misprint" when we had a wrong price.

Answer this question, did *WE* make the servers not check things and get them corrected from their manager *BEFORE* THEY HANDED THEM TO US?

NO, we didn't make them lazy and uncaring, did we?

Anonymous said...

OMG please stop talking to this stupid troll cunt. All she wants is attention and Dan you couldn't be any more right

Springs1 said...

Anonymous
"OMG please stop talking to this stupid troll cunt."

YOU ARE MEAN!! I am not stupid or a troll or a cunt. THAT IS *YOU*!!

"All she wants is attention and Dan you couldn't be any more right."

HOW when I am not the person that isn't willing to do the job here and you know it or that isn't nice? YOU ARE 100% WRONG!! It's not my fault the servers aren't willing to do the amount of **************WORK****************** for their money or willing to ***********APOLOGIZE******** when they mess up and you know it that is the GOD'S TRUTH!

MIchelle said...

Springs1... OMG!! PLease shut up!!!! BW has asked u nicely to stop posting comments!!! Please be considerate like you are asking all of us to do to you and ******STOP******!!!!!

Springs1 said...

Michelle
"Springs1... OMG!! PLease shut up!!"

You are just MADDDD I HAVE LOTS OF POINTS IN MY POST THAT MAKE SOOOOOO MUCH SENSE!! People don't want to wait to place their order when they are hungry & thirsty, which since they are paying for their time there, they should get it spent *HOW* they want it since *THEY* are *PAYING* for their time there and the server isn't. YOU KNOW WHAT I AM SAYING IS THE TRUTH!!

The Bitchy Waiter can't comprehend what it's like to be hungry and thirsty OBVIOUSLY, because if he would, he wouldn't be for wasting customers time by CONTROLLING their money like that. He would think "If that was me, I'd want to hurry up and order." YOU KNOW WHAT I AM SAYING IS THE GOD'S TRUTH AND YOU KNOW IT! He has no CONSIDERATION for the customer's feelings, time, hunger, thirst, or their money at ALL. If he did, he'd stop making them answer questions he didn't want to answer.

DanORants said...

Springs, it's your whole attitude...

For Christ's sake, you even come to a blog that gives servers entertainment to troll and try to ruin our day.

I am willing to bet you even ask condescending questions like: "do you know what the soup of the day is?" and "can you check to make sure no onions are in that?"... bitch, it's my JOB to know what the soup of the day is and to know what goes in what!

Anonymous said...

Not sure where this lovely female lives, but here's a few pictures of her. Servers worldwide can be prepared upon her imminent presence.

http://s55.photobucket.com/profile/springs1

michelle again said...

alcands 54It's not that I think u make no sense, But if two other tables ask me for coke after you did and they are closer to the soda fountain than you are I will bring them the cokes first and then drop of yours. Also with the check I'll drop it off first. so I can pay more attention to you and give you the proper service you want!!!!

michelle again said...

It's not that I think u make no sense, But if two other tables ask me for coke after you did and they are closer to the soda fountain than you are I will bring them the cokes first and then drop of yours. Also with the check I'll drop it off first. so I can pay more attention to you and give you the proper service you want!!!!

Beebs said...

She's probably one of those people who is super-polite to the server, then doesn't tip and then bitches to the manager about the crappy service she received (assuming female by the theatrical tones). She could be hiding among any group of customers, lurking...and pretending she's fine with the fact that you had to go back to the kitchen for dressing (God forbid) until it comes time to leave.

JoBo said...

Seriously? Springs 1, why don't you just post the name & address of your blog(s) and if we want to visit you we will. But for now, get the fuck off of this blog! You have been asked nicely before. I'm tired of you hijacking this space and ranting about things nobody wants to hear about. Get. The. Fuck. Out.

yudelnoodle said...

Can we please block her from posting anything else it's really getting irritating.

Springs1 said...

DanORants
"I am willing to bet you even ask condescending questions like: "do you know what the soup of the day is?" and "can you check to make sure no onions are in that?"... bitch, it's my JOB to know what the soup of the day is and to know what goes in what!"

NO, I have already have had a waitress at Outback NOT know the soup of the day and she had been there at least an HOUR BEFORE we got there. My husband had asked what the soup of the day was, because he was going to get a cup of soup and she didn't know, so he decided not to wait for her to ask. Seriously, that's RIDICULOUS that she would serve ONE PERSON without knowing and I can say if she was just started her shift I would have given a little slack about that, but it had been at least an hour before, which when we were seated she was serving other tables. It's just IRRESPONSIBLE.

The "Can you make sure" type of thing, I feel it's the server's job that I shouldn't have to tell them how to do it and *EARN THEIR *******OWN TIP*********** by doing it from their HEART. So NO, I don't tell them that.

Although I do have to explain things specifically to get specific results such as telling the server I want my bacon extremely crispy, almost burnt, but not burnt. In all honesty though, there are times I wished I did tell them how it should look(wavy and stiff, NOT like a piece of tape with white fat showing), because they brought it out OBVIOUSLY wrong where I didn't have to TOUCH the food to notice it was wrong. They obviously are that DITSY and STUPID as well as LAZY to verify the food with the written order. I hate to say, but it's true.

I honestly feel I shouldn't have to tell my server I want warm sauces that are normally served warmed up either such as once a waitress gave us marinara cold. Now I don't expect her to touch the marinara for mozzarella sticks, but the container was cold from the refrigerator. She claimed they serve it cold, but that's INHUMANE to have KNOWN to serve it cold and STILL DO IT. I couldn't FATHOM doing that. It's just like me serving cold coffee on purpose to someone that wants hot coffee. That's just ridiculous I should have to TELL you I want sauces that are normally warm, warmed. Act like *YOU* are eating it. That's the KEY!! Don't be so inconsiderate and inhumane to serve me sauces without them warmed that are normally served warm. Treat me like I am a PERSON, NOT a dollar sign. As I said before, it would be like giving someone ice cold coffee when the person wanted a regular cup of hot coffee.

So YEAH, I feel I have EVERY FREAKING RIGHT to be CONDESCENDING SINCE I KNOW MORE HOW TO DO THE JOB CORRECTLY AND HAVE CONSIDERATION FOR THE CUSTOMER'S FEELINGS MORE THAN THEY DO. Why serve it if it doesn't seem or appear correct, huh? That's treating someone like a DOG instead of a HUMAN BEING.

kris b said...

Oh dear god no...her blogs are TERRIBLE!!!

Springs1 said...

Michelle again

"But if two other tables ask me for coke after you did and they are closer to the soda fountain than you are I will bring them the cokes first and then drop of yours."

I wouldn't, I would get the coke for my table and make a ENTIRELY SEPARATE trip, because that's taking up the first table's time to fix all those other drinks. That's CUTTING, MORALLY WRONG, AND MEAN.

If I was to get them all at once, I still would hand them out in the ORDER in which they came in out of not CUTTING and doing the MORALLY RIGHT THING so at the end I can get a GOOD TIP from doing the morally right thing.

YOU ARE SO FUCKING ASS LAZY, INCONSIDERATE, A CUTTER, and an ASSHOLE, FUCK CUTTERS LIKE YOU, YOU UNFAIR BITCH!!

That is VERY UNFAIR. What if that was *YOUR* coke. You wouldn't want me to make you wait to fill let's say 4 cokes and even hand other table's cokes BEFORE yours when you were first, JUST ADMIT THAT IS THE GOD'S TRUTH AND YOU KNOW IT!!

"Also with the check I'll drop it off first. so I can pay more attention to you and give you the proper service you want!!!!"

I don't understand this one. Drop it off without asking permission first? If you do, that's wrong.

The task should be done in whatever ORDER it was given in. That's how even waiting for a table goes as long as you can physically do it(meaning you can't seat a table of 12 in a 2 seater booth) or no special request of course. EVERYWHERE ELSE you wait your turn except for ER, because that is dealing with life or death type of thing. WHY should you go out of order and THEN EXPECT RESPECT BACK WITH A GOOD TIP for letting CUTTING HAPPEN, HUH?

If I have 2 table's drinks on a tray, I would hand them in the *ORDER* in which they came in. It wouldn't matter to me who was closer. Let's say the 2nd table is closer than the first table that asked for something, I would bypass the 2nd table and hand the 1st table their stuff first. It's THE **************RIGHT THING************** TO DO AND YOU KNOW IT!!

I HATE, DESPISE LAZY ASS, UNCARING, CUTTER PEOPLE LIKE YOU!! FUCK YOU UNCARING LAZY ASSHOLE!! YOU ARE LAZY. That's what it's all about as far as whatever is closer. It doesn't matter whatever is closer.

Hostess:
People waiting for a table may be inside that just waited 5 minutes while for the same table the customers outside. You would obviously buzz their table beeper. My point is, just because someone is closer shouldn't mean they should go first you STUPID, UNFAIR CUTTER MORON!! FUCK YOU!! I HOPE 5 people cut in front of you when you are in a hurry or hungry or thirsty. SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT UNFAIR, LAZY BITCH!!

Springs1 said...

Beebs
"She's probably one of those people who is super-polite to the server, then doesn't tip"

NO you are FARRR AWAY from the truth, VERY, VERY, VERY! We tip for really good service as high as 25%-30% even and at more at times even.

allergictostupid said...

Much as I would like to say many things to Springs, I refuse to feed the starving, dehydrated troll. No matter how "great" she tips *snicker* So:

This isn't a response to anything I asked, but I've had at least three separate tables ask me to "explain this buy-one get-one free coupon." Ummmm...you buy one. And...you get one free! Look at how helpful I am.

Springs1 said...

allergictostupid
"This isn't a response to anything I asked, but I've had at least three separate tables ask me to "explain this buy-one get-one free coupon." Ummmm...you buy one. And...you get one free! Look at how helpful I am."

A lot of customers are too LAZY to READ the coupon. Most coupons have "Of equal or lesser value" to where they take the lesser priced one. Also, some coupons have restrictions of what you can get as well.

allergictostupid said...

Trust me, I know that a lot of customers are too lazy to read. Just like I know that making rounds of my tables isn't laziness, its efficiency. #difference

Anonymous said...

http://s55.photobucket.com/profile/springs1

If this psycho lady comes into your restaurant...RUN!!! FOR GOD SAKES RUN!!! SHES UNBALANCED!

Anonymous said...

I dunno, usually as the customer I usually follow how are you with "doing great! and handing the waiter/waitress with a tip first, so they know they won't have to work harder to get it.. and asking them what they recommend on the menu, usually they know better than I do about whats good..

Springs1 said...

allergictostupid
"Just like I know that making rounds of my tables isn't laziness, its efficiency. #difference"

Answer this: HOW IS IT MORE EFFICIENT TO THE *********FIRST******** TABLE, huh?

IT'S NOT, THEY WAIT THE LONGEST DOING IT YOUR WAY STUPID ASS!! IT'S NOT MORE EFFICIENT!!

Springs1 said...

Anonymous
"If this psycho lady comes into your restaurant...RUN!!! FOR GOD SAKES RUN!!! SHES UNBALANCED!"

NO, I don't even have a facebook page much less *ANY* pictures or ANYTHING on the internet with my REAL name STUPID!!

Springs1 said...

Anonymous
"asking them what they recommend on the menu, usually they know better than I do about whats good.."

That's to someone else's *OPINION* about what's "GOOD" and what isn't. I may ask if I don't know what I want, but 9 times out of 10 I already know what I want.

"so they know they won't have to work harder to get it."

Then all you are doing is making them not do much of ANYTHING knowing they GOT THE MONEY ALREADY STUPID!! There's no reward to get at the end, so most likely they won't do much of anything for you extra and you KNOW IT!!

Springs1 said...

allergictostupid

If they are first, they aren't supposed to wait the longest just like a ********LINE*********** OR THE DMV WITH PICK A NUMBER AND WAIT *YOUR TURN*, which that means it's not the 2nd or 3rd table's turn yet for you to get their drinks STUPID ASS, MUCH LESS HAND THEM TO THEM. YOU ARE MEAN, YOU REALLY ARE!!

Springs1 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Springs1 said...

allergictostupid

The 2nd table should wait their turn 2nd and the third table should wait their turn 3rd.

YOU KNOW THAT IS THE *MORALLY RIGHT* THING TO DO! STOP CUTTING! Cutting isn't right and you know it!!

It's all about LAZINESS just admit it otherwise michelle again wouldn't have said "they are closer to the soda fountain than you."

It's all about being lazy, that's what it's ALL about not making an extra trip when you really SHOULD because that's the only *FAIR* way of doing things. It's wrong to let cutting happen.

allergictostupid said...

smh, I fed it anyway. Sorry everyone.

leesuhrenay said...

Springs1.
I really want to understand you, perhaps it would make me a better server. I like to think of myself as a "customer whisperer" and like to provide bread and drinks to the hungry and thirsty. I have regular guests who I know need lots of butter, a soda or a stiff drink pronto!
What line of work are you in now, I see you've done some time in my industry? I find that where someone is from and their current location plays into their expectations and manners. I've lived and worked in various areas of the states and demographics differ in attitudes. Where do you live, not specifically, regionally? And is that really you on the photobucket link!
Compassionately

Anonymous said...

Seriously stay the eff home. If you are so HUNGRY and THIRSTY and we servers are lazy, why the fuck are you at a restraunt? BECAUSE YOU'RE LAZY. I wonder how many times someone has "dropped" your food or sneezed in it on accident. ;). Good day mate.

Springs1 said...

leesuhrenay
"And is that really you on the photobucket link!"

NO, are you CRAZY? I don't have *ANY* picture on the internet of myself. I don't have a myspace page, nor do I have a facebook page either.

If you really think that's me, YOU NEED SOME HELP!! That's a FAT MEXICAN WOMAN with KIDS as you can see. I don't have kids. I have NEVER been that big before. That woman is CHUNKY!

Do you HONESTLY think I would put a picture on the internet so I can have spit in my food or bad service? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? Seriously, ARE YOU?

Springs1 said...

Anonymous
"why the fuck are you at a restraunt? BECAUSE YOU'RE LAZY."

To COOK, YES I AM, I HAVE ADMITTED SO MANY OF TIMES BEFORE, HOWEVER, ON JOBS AND WITH MY CLEANING HOUSE WORK, I AM NOT ANYWHERE NEAR LAZY. I just am not good at cooking. I can't make it like my mom. I have even tried, it just doesn't come out like hers does.

I also HATE cooking. I did bake as a teenager, but I don't bake, because that would make me fat if I would baked, because I would eat the stuff. I hardly ever buy cookies or brownies or candy, because I don't want that temptation to eat a lot of it. I have bought that before, but not a whole lot in general is what I am saying.

So YES, I am VERY LAZY to cook and bake, but on the job, I AM SOOOOOO FARRR AWAY FROM LAZY!!

How many people can say at their FIRST job EVER they got a raise of 35 cents back in 1998 within a month and half? MOST places don't give raises that quickly or that much for almost like fast food. I have heard some workers at Burger King say they got a 10 cent raise. I went from $5.15 to $5.50 within a month and a half. WHY, because I BUSTED MY ASS, that's why.

I may be lazy with cooking and baking, but NOT ON JOBS AND NOT ON THE REST OF MY HOUSEWORK. I just don't like cooking.

Anonymous said...

WOW! Well after reading all that, all I have to say is I love my servers!! When I go out to eat it is to enjoy myself. To kick back with family or friends, laugh, chat and have fun.
I like the short "how are you today?" exchange with my server. I look at him/her when they are speaking to me, because I was raised to respect everyone. I pay attention to their question because it will eventually involve my food or drink. I laugh with them, chat with them and enjoy my visit with them. I lean back and sip my drink and not watch the clock waiting for my food. I am there to enjoy myself not just belly up to the trough as fast as possible and stuff my face. Dining out should be fun and being kind to the person serving you really doesn't take more than the 8 seconds needed to respond to their very courteous "How are you tonight?" If the kitchen forgets something and I have to wait 30 seconds well I guess I'll just have another sip of my martini. I'm pretty sure waiting 30 seconds longer won't kill me. :)
After all, we are all just human. People make mistakes. It's how we respond to those mistakes that show our real character.

Eden said...

I have followed BW's blog fairly regularly for quite awhile now and simultaneously (or perhaps slightly longer) I have been thru several layers of juvenis infatuation with my current TV-boyfriend. (Don't judge, we've all had them.) Anyway. Today these to spheres have collided. There is a woman - completely crazed and delusional from the "fandom" for my poor TV boyfriend who always goes by things like "summer-wine" and "springflowers" or some such food/weather/season conglomeration for a screenname and I SWEAR - she has decided to set her sights on our lovely BW's fantastic blog. So weird. and Wow. Same insulting, copy/paste, over capitalize, over punctuating style. Its too awful to be true and yet we are all witnesses. Wow. just wow.

Callie Dee said...

Fantastic

Springs1 said...

Anonymous
"being kind to the person serving you really doesn't take more than the 8 seconds needed to respond to their very courteous "How are you tonight?""

But what if that's not what the *CUSTOMER* wants, then it's not very courteous, is it?

What if *I* want to spend that 8 seconds quenching my thirst and getting my food faster?

Shouldn't I have that *RIGHT* to choose that?

If you want conversation with your server, *YOU* start it!!

"If the kitchen forgets something and I have to wait 30 seconds"

Usually it's not the kitchen tough and usually it doesn't take just 30 seconds.

"I'm pretty sure waiting 30 seconds longer won't kill me. :) "

Just because you don't care about your time and money, doesn't mean I don't!!

"People make mistakes."

Most of the time it's not mistakes, it's LAZINESS and you KNOW THAT IS THE GOD'S TRUTH!! Usually servers will bring out the food and not compare it to the written order or ticket/computer screen for obvious errors.

"I like the short "how are you today?" exchange with my server. "

But NOT EVERYONE DOES considering A LOT of servers are complaining about this, think about it, that it's not just me by a LONGGGG SHOT!!

That's why since not everyone does, the servers shouldn't *FORCE* it on the customer, they should let the customer do the chit chatting if that's what they want by asking how the server is doing. YOU GET WHAT YOU WANT AND I WOULD GET WHAT I WANTED, so that would be a perfect solution, you don't see that, huh?

Anonymous said...

A man wasn't listening to the waiter at my work when she asked him multiple times what he whether he would the white or red wine.. She yelled at him "BOB" and he replied startled "no it's Steve!" It was Hilarious!

Fool Critic said...

BW, seriously. Delete them.

Jessa said...

Omg Springs1 has been around for years!! Can't believe she hasn't hijacked this blog before. She has been unleashing her wisdom to the interwebs since like, 2004. No lie. She has google alerts so I am sure she will be here soon. Springs1......it is getting harder and harder to remain anonymous on the internet. You've said it yourself before that you are afraid of being found out and I agree with you. You will never be able to show your face in a restaurant again. No ranch for you!!! Hate to say it, but I bet you will be found out. Good luck to ya when that happens.

Springs1 said...

Jessa
"She has google alerts"

NO, this site I have in my bookmarks and check it every so often.

As far as finding things, I google things like "server's fault" things like that.

Also, there's a site called boardreader.com where you can look up even as recent as today just as you can in google specific words, etc.

I google my name Springs1 and find myself. I found what you said just by checking this site.

I have NEVER heard of google alerts before. There is a such thing?

Anonymous said...

Springs 1 and everyone out there like you i hawk loogies in your food when you act like that. You broke the cardinal rule: DONT FUCK WITH PEOPLE THAT HANDLE YOUR FOOD. howd my flem taste? I saw a little black and green in it. mmmmm. just got over that gnarly cold too :) and to all the others that treat me like a human your food is handled with the utmost care.

Anonymous said...

Omg my name is springs 1 and I'm a huge pouting, whining crybaby. Waah, it's NOT FAIR that the table next to me got their soda 3 1/2 seconds before me because I was here FIRST! And that's just MORALLY WRONG AND IT'S NOT FAIR IT'S NOT FAIR IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!! Waaaaaaaah! Waaaaaaah! And it's MORALLY WRONG for the server to ask me how I am and try to start a conversion and make my food take longer when I'm HUNGRY AND THIRSTY because I'm such a delicate fucking crybaby that I'll have a medical emergency if my food takes longer than I THINK it should. Waaaah! Everything ALWAYS has to go EXACTLY MY WAY or I'll throw a colossal temper tantrum and make everybody around me miserable. Waaaaaaaah!!! Waaaaaaaah!!! And now my face is all red and puffy from crying like the big fucking crybaby I am, and that's all my servers fault!!! Waaaah! Waaaah! And blah blah waaaaaaaah NOT FAIR blah blah blah blah blah waaaaaaah MORALLY WRONG! Waaaaaaah! Waaaaaaah! Waaaaaaaah!

Seriously springs 1, this is what you sound like to us. It's time to pull your head out of your ass (pull hard) and grow the fuck up.

Springs1 said...

Anonymous
"when you act like that."

When I act like WHAT? I am VERY NICE! You aren't a nice person.

Springs1 said...

Anonymous
"Waah, it's NOT FAIR that the table next to me got their soda 3 1/2 seconds before me because I was here FIRST!"

You are SO MEAN AND INCONSIDERATE!!

"WAHHH IT'S NOT FAIR I GOT STIFFED, WAHHHH"

See how it feels you UNCARING, UNFEELING BITCH?

"grow the fuck up."

NO, *YOU* GROW UP to know that people are going to do what you do to them. It's ONLY *FAIR* and you know it!!

Look at all the people that DO NOT agree with you:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FEb18fkA-bU

Just look at how people care about WHO WAS FIRST YOU IGNORANT STUPID IDIOT!!

YOU NEED TO GROW THE FUCK UP AND LEARN THAT PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO WAIT LONGER THAN THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO!! YOU ARE AN UNFAIR BITCH! I HOPE YOU GET CUT IN FRONT OF WITH 5 PEOPLE AND SEE HOW *YOU* FEEL WHEN *YOU* WANT TO LEAVE OR ARE THIRSTY OR VERY HUNGRY that you haven't eaten in 12 hours. Let's see how *YOU* like it when your server goes out of order or decides to chit chat rather than take your order.

YOU ARE AN UNFEELING BITCH!!

WAHHHH, YOU GOT STIFFED, WAHHHH YOU GOT 10%, WAHHHHHH. IT SOOO HORRIBLE WAHHHH!! YOU ONLY MAKE $2.13/hr, WAHHHHHH! "YOU HAVE RENT TO PAY, WAHHHHH!!"

Jessa said...

Yes, there is such a thing as google alerts. And I was serious, springy. You need to stop this insanity like now because it is only a matter of time until someone decides to find out who you are. It is completely possible and you are a bitch but I really think you have mental health problems and I don't want to see a mentally unstable person get hurt or whatever.

Springs1 said...

Jessa
"you are a bitch"

HOW? I AM NOT A BITCH! I AM VERY NICE, MUCH NICER THAN MOST SERVER ARE TO ME!! Most servers don't say they are sorry when they mess up, then I STILL SAY *THANK YOU* to them. I tell them nicely about a mistake or they remember when they get to the table on their own, STILL NO SORRY TO SPEAK OF.

I AM NOT A BITCH!

HOW CAN YOU SAY (I) AM A BITCH? Just because I want what *I* want for *MY* money that makes me a bitch? NO, that makes me a NORMAL HUMAN BEING JUST LIKE YOU! YOU WANT WHAT YOU WANT FOR YOUR MONEY, RIGHT? WHY CAN'T I HAVE THE SAME THING, HUH?

Springs1 said...

Jessa
Another thing:

"but I really think you have mental health problem"

HOW, because I want what *I* want for *MY* MONEY that I am OBSESSED with getting good service that makes a person mental? NO IT DOESN'T! IT MAKES A PERSON NORMAL TO WANT WHAT YOU WANT FOR YOUR MONEY!! THAT'S NORMAL JUST AS YOU WANT WHAT YOU WANT FOR YOUR MONEY!!

Springs1 said...

Jessa
Another thing again:

If I were a bitch, I wouldn't tip 25%-30% and more when I get EXCELLENT SERVICE would I?

If I were a bitch, I wouldn't be tipping at all, would I?

If I were a bitch, I'd be yelling at servers, which I don't do that, do I? I don't, I am VERY NICE.

Maria PN said...

Oh god, I love this blog! I could NEVER be a waiter or waitress and have to bring food to rude people all day. That’s why I NEVER tip below 20% -- if I have an issue, I tell the server politely. And they always get a How are you and a Thank you. How can people forget that they are people too? This made me think of a funny story from years ago when we were out to dinner with my grandfather. The waiter asked, And how would you like your potato, sir? My grandfather replied, Michelob. We had to explain to the poor waiter that he had gotten hard of hearing. Thankfully, the waiter thought it was funny and the story has gone down in family lore. One more thing: Chef Tom Schaudel wrote a book called Playing With Fire about the worst restaurant customers on Long Island, where I live. I highly recommend it! Anyway, servers of the world, we’re not all idiots and some of us do appreciate your serving us. Keep the faith!

Samson said...

Does anyone know if doctors perform lobotomies these days?
Dr Walter Freeman worked with that during 1930s - 50s on violent mental patients, but stopped when medication became a better alternative. He took an icepick, hammered it through the skull behind the eye and wiggled it around a bit. Unpleasant, but it worked on a few at least...

Springs1 seems to be a good candidate for this procedure - it would make her docile, free of anxiety and remove the obsessive behavour. The downsides is from juvenile and inappropriate behavour (not an issue with Sping1 since she already have these symtoms) to catatonic and/or turning into a "vegetable".

What do you think?

Samson said...

Does anyone know if doctors perform lobotomies these days?
Dr Walter Freeman worked with that during 1930s - 50s on violent mental patients, but stopped when medication became a better alternative. He took an icepick, hammered it through the skull behind the eye and wiggled it around a bit. Unpleasant, but it worked on a few at least...

Spring1 seems to be a good candidate for this procedure - it would make her docile, free of anxiety and remove the obsessive behavour. The downsides is from juvenile and inappropriate behavour (not an issue with Spring1 since she already have these symtoms) to catatonic and/or turning into a "vegetable".

What do you think?

Anonymous said...

springs1 is a cunt.

Anonymous said...

Springs1 is most definitely a cunt of massive proportions. I love this blog. You fucking rock :)

Anonymous said...

I have a suspicion that if a server DIDN'T ask Springs1 how she was doing, she'd get pissed that the server obviously didn't care about her enough to ask. In other words, never happy, and just looking for dumb shit to complain about so she can feel justified for being a sleazy cheapskate bitch.

Anonymous said...

customer: "what sodas do you have?"
me: "we have coke, diet coke, pibb, root beer, sprite, and sweet and unsweet tea"
customer: "I'll take a mountain dew"

Bitch! that wasn't an option!

Anonymous said...

customer: "what sodas do you have?"
me: "we have coke, diet coke, pibb, root beer, sprite, and sweet and unsweet tea"
customer: "I'll take a mountain dew"

Bitch! that wasn't an option!

Anonymous said...

Jesus. I clicked the link to read Spring1's blog and was met with a wall of like 30 very vindictive sounding blog.

I can't even properly maintain one blog let alone 20!

I've never been in the restaurant business, but I know simple courtesy and respect. The only special thing I ever ask is about whether restaurants are using real butter or if ambiguous menu items contain dairy.

I don't want people coming up to me at my job and expecting me to be at their beckon call when there are 20 other people who also need my help, I never expect my server to either.

Show some compassion Spring1. Servers are responsible for not just your experience, but the experiences of everyone in their section. They are worth so much more than $2 an hour, which is practically slave wages for such skilled people.

I applaud you Bitchy Waiter! This blog is hilarious and it helps to remind me to be extra nice to that server tonight because I don't know what kind of nonsense he just had to deal with from the person at the other table or the person who just left.

/hugs

CityGirl said...

"Please refrain from feeding the troll".
In tears laughing.

Anonymous said...

"Leather Skin: Can you put every ingredient on my kale salad on the side? I'm on this diet, and i need to weigh everything with a scale. (pulls scale out of her purse usually used for drug deals)

Me (knowing the ass kicking I'm about to receive from the kitchen): Sure thing!

Leather Skin: That's normal, right? (no hint of irony)

Me: Of course, miss!"

She then proceeded to talk to her daughters about what point they'd need their stomachs stapled later on in the meal. And left me 13% in spite of my perfect service. Thank god I no longer work there.

Megan said...

My favorite has to be:

Q: Can I get you started with an appetizer? We have calamari or steamed mussels.
A: No but can we get some (free) bread?

That is not an appetizer! You don't tip me on the six trips I take to bring you yet more bread and herbs.

Rebecca Cowan-Thompson said...

Look up the definition of internet troll, thats this bitch for sure

Rebecca Cowan-Thompson said...

Lol i know this is old but fuckin hilarious lmfao

Anonymous said...

Fuck uou.

Dukes40 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Springs2 said...

How much ranch dressing do you think Springs1 bathes in on a regular basis???

Springs2 said...

And man, she must be ridiculously obese (she claims she's tiny).

If not, then her arteries are probably as narrow as her mind when it comes to what acceptable service is.

Springs2 said...

Also, she says all this stuff about the waiter customizing their service for each customer/table.

HOW is a waiter supposed to read the mind of every customer???

Is her or she just supposed to have a sixth ranch sense, and just KNOW that the caveman sitting in the booth NEEDS an IV of ranch dressing, and will go BALLISTIC if someone tries to fill up her water without asking???

Also, with the drink thing. Okay, she doesn't like somone assuming that she's haveing the same dring. Fine. But, the waiter is just asking if she wants another margarita. Not assuming that's what you want, just asking if you would like another one. It's a yes or no answer. So what. They could come up to you at any time asking if you want a certain type of drink. So what??? O wait, the waiter's ranch sense was supposed to pick that up, right???