I have seen parents let their kid throw food all over the place. I have seen parents let their children scribble on walls. I have even seen parents change a diaper at the table and then leave it in a tiny poopy ball on their plate next to the pickle spear they didn't want. I have never seen someone think it's acceptable to teach potty training between the entree and dessert.
I have had some experience with potty training. I took care a of a little girl for one full year and during that time potty training was an important part of our day. It's not easy trying to get the kid to go to the toilet instead of just letting it all out right there in the comfort of their own diaper. Personally, I resent the day my parents taught me that it was better to go poopy in the toilet. I look forward to reaching an an age where Depends is on my grocery list right next to milk and bread and I can go while watching Wheel of Fortune instead of being bothered to walk all the way to the bathroom to pull my pants down. When I was taking care of Lily, one time she was at the top of the slide and I saw her squat down.
"Lily, do you need to go to the bathroom?"
"No," she grunts.
"Are you sure? Because it looks like you might need to go to a bathroom."
Her eyes squeezed shut and her tiny little brow furrowed, she again says, "No." Another grunt follows.
"I dunno, sweetie, I think you need to go to the bathroom."
"Stop looking at me!" she screams. All this while atop of the slide in the park surrounded by people watching her. Two minutes later, she stands up and announces 'I went potty!"
So, yes, I get that potty training is not easy. But you don't take your kids to a restaurant and plop their little bare asses onto a port-a-potty and then order lunch. What was this mother thinking? I also want to know what her plan was for removing the two port-a-potties once they were filled. Did she think she would just ask her server for a doggie bag and then also for him to run them through the dishwasher? Or maybe she would have taken them to the bathroom and rinsed them out in the sink next to the lady who is reapplying her lipstick. Or perhaps she would just throw them in her trunk and carry them back home. More than likely, she hadn't thought that far in advance because she clearly is an addle-brained moron with shit for brains.
The restaurant says they were not aware of the incident until after it happened or they most certainly would have asked them to leave. But didn't the server see what was going on? Why didn't he say something? You can bet your freshly Baby Wiped bottom dollar that my bitchy ass would have piped in:
Hello, I'm Bitchy and I'll be your server today. Our soup of the day is gazpacho with a sliced cucumber garnish and we have a lovely roasted beet salad served with arugula, walnuts and balsamic reduction- OH HELL NO! Is that little girl sitting on a toilet? Oh hell, no that ain't happening here, miss. There is something called health codes and I'm pretty sure that bowel movements and portable toilets don't fit into that equation. You need to pardon me excuse yourself not only from my station and from the restaurant but from civilization because what you're doing is kinda like the goddamned nastiest thing I have ever seen. Out. Right now. Let's move it, mother of the year. Pull them pants up on them little girls and you can sashay your potty training asses over to Chuck E. Cheese if you still need some lunch 'cause I ain't watching your kids squeeze out some business while I am trying to make a living slinging hash.
So here are my questions to you: what would you have done if you were the server and this was happening at your table? What would you have done if you were a customer and you saw this happening? And most importantly, what has happened to common sense and decency?
I am looking for Guest Bloggers. Click here for more info.
Download The Bitchy Waiter App for Android here.
Click here to follow The Bitchy Waiter on Twitter.
Click here to find The Bitchy Waiter on Facebook.