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Monday, September 24, 2012

How Long is the Wait? (Guest Blogger)


This posting comes from someone who needs to remain anonymous because she has a strict social media policy at her job and by writing this she could be fired. Judging from what she tells me, the place is pain in the ass to work but we all need to keep our jobs no matter how shitty they are. She tells me that many of her co-workers read The Bitchy Waiter so hopefully no one will figure out that she is talking about their very own hell hole of a restaurant. And apparently she wrote this while hiding out in a bathroom stall. I love this girl..

-BW

I work at a large restaurant in a tourist area (notice I didn't say resort area; resort implies class, and there is nothing classy about our clientele!), that can seat 480 people comfortably, not including the bars. During peak season, we are open from 11AM to 11PM, and are usually on a wait by 11:30, and don't get off a wait til after 10. It has been this way for years, and I have worked there for years, and the constant bitching about the wait is wearing on me. I have worked the hostess stand (God bless those poor souls), and am now a server. One of these days, I am going to get sick and tired of hearing people complain about the wait, and that is the day I am going to say what I really want to these dumbasses! It's going to go something like this: (it should be noted that I corrected "their" grammar)


THEM: The wait is an hour and a half?!?! Are you kidding me?
ME: Are you kidding ME? You just parked far enough away that a cab ride from your car to here would have cost a fortune, you walked by hundreds of cars, pushed through hundreds of people holding pagers, and you can't believe we're on a wait? Here's a bag of trail mix. You can hike back to your car, because you're too stupid to get a table!

THEM: (them being a party of 20) An hour and a half wait? What if we split up?
ME: Oh, well, we can seat you right away. I could have sat that party of two ahead of you, but they refused to split up! YOU STILL HAVE TO WAIT, DUMBASS!

THEM: Can we sit at the bar? (Clearly visible from the hostess stand, and packed three deep)
ME: Absolutely, just go up there and tell all those people that I said for them to move, because YOU want to sit at the bar!

THEM: We know the owner.
ME: So do I. That won't get you past the hostess stand any more than it has me!

Now, they have a table, and I am their server.

THEM: We waited an hour and a half for a table.
ME: Oh, so YOU'RE the one that waited!

THEM: We had to wait an hour and a half for a table.
ME: No, dumbass, you didn't HAVE to wait, you chose to.

THEM: We waited an hour and a half for a table.
ME: I'm sorry, what can I get you to drink?

THEM: I don't know.
ME: Are you fucking kidding me? You waited an hour and a half and you don't know what you want to drink?

THEM: We waited an hour and a half for a table.
ME: I'm sorry, are you ready to order?
THEM: We haven't looked at the menu yet.
ME: Are you fucking kidding me? You waited an hour and a half and never looked at the menu?

THEM: We waited an hour and a half, and our kids are starving.
ME: Wow, you are really shitty parents!
or
ME: From the looks of them, that's the longest they ever waited for a meal!

THEM: We waited an hour and a half, do you have any crayons and paper for our kids?
ME: No! Because they color on everything except the fucking paper, and you do nothing to stop them!

THEM: (at the shittiest table in the restaurant) We waited an hour and a half.
ME: You should have asked for one by the water; they would have sat you immediately!

THEM: I didn't know gratuity was going to be added!
ME: And I didn't know I was getting the cheapest asshole in the world at my table. Looks like we both got something we didn't want!

THEM: We waited an hour and a half for a table, the food took forever, it wasn't that good, and the check is way too much! We won't ever come back!
ME: I'll let everybody know we will be shutting down soon, because your cheap ass won't be back!

I could go on for hours, but there are cheap, redneck assholes to serve who don't like to be kept waiting, and I have taken up this bathroom stall for way too long!



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13 comments:

Anonymous said...

That's gotta be Myrtle Beach!

Anonymous said...

I was going to say that sounds like Myrtle Beach too!

Anonymous said...

I concur. Myrtle Beach, the Redneck Riviera! I live just south of Myrtle and used to work at Broadway at the Beach. Sounds JUST LIKE this. Margaritaville or Key West Grill, perhaps?

Anonymous said...

Haha I waited at a seafood buffet on the obx and that happened all the time!!!

Taylor Daugherty said...

People are dumbasses and trash. Sounds just like the people I serve

Fool Critic said...

Come on people, don't try to guess where she works. She's already risking her job to have a well-deserved rant!

Here in Melbourne (Australia), all the cool new restaurants have a no-bookings policy because the turn-over is so high. People LOSE THEIR SHIT over the queues.

"We had to WAIT for an hour and a half!!!111!11"

Then fuck off somewhere that doesn't have a line miles longer than your parade of bratty children. If you willingly wait that long to be seated when you are "starving" - you're an imbecile.

Anonymous said...

No matter where you go, no matter in which industry you end up working, there are just THEM and then there's the miniscule amount of the rest of the society.
Sighing,
~PolishSpring

Anonymous said...

BW might have to move over! I LIKE this girl! :-D

~The Damn Yankee

Anonymous said...

Ugh, that sounds like where I work, too. The worst part is the bad tips that follow a long wait. Like I'm responsible for your hour and a half wait? Like I have ANYTHING to do with your CHOICE to wait an hour and a half when you could have gone to McDonald's, or better yet, could have gone to this crazy place called the GROCERY STORE and bought the exact same food for 1/10 the price?!?

Anonymous said...

I don't mind waiting if the hostess is honest about the wait. If it's 1.5 hrs, ok, then that's my decision to hang around or not.

But, most recently I've been to a place that told me "30 to 40" and it ended up being one hour and ten minutes. THAT is when I'm aggravated.

jMAN5 said...

Hosts aren't psychic a lot of the time the number is just made up arbitrarily the restaurant can't control how long people will take to decide, eat, and camp around.

Fool Critic said...

Yes, the waiting time is an educated guess. If you're waiting longer than what you were told, it's because your fellow diners are taking their sweet time, not because the hostess is being "dishonest". And if the first table is pressed to move so you can finally be seated? That spawns a whole new bunch of whiners complaining abut being rushed.

It's like when people complain about places being noisy - we don't play loud drunken chatter through the sound-system. We would love our workplaces to be orderly, fair, and comfortable, but a lot of the time that depends on your fellow customers behaving appropriately.

Anonymous said...

That's pretty adorable that you get AGGRAVATED! No, seriously, super cute. Does your forehead wrinkle? Do your lips purse? Have you ever lingered after a meal with a friend or a date in a busy restaurant? Or were you a good little chain restaurant customer, shove your turn and burn meal in your face, pay and get out so the next idiot could sit down? Pretty sure they gave you an ESTIMATE of a wait time. Feel free, the next stupid chain you go in to, to tell the two ladies with empty water glasses and kleenex all over the table from their allergies, that they've over stayed their welcome, there's a coffee shop down the road, or a community center, or maybe they just might have a living room they can go sit in at somebody's house. It's your ignorant bitchy ass turn to eat, right?! Right! So enjoy your poorly made food, mediocre service (because you bitched at both the host and the server) and then just go FUCK yourself. Oh, and thank you so much for coming in, I hope you enjoy the rest of your evening.