1. Feed kids immediately.
I get it. When kids get to restaurants, they are hungry and they need something right away so they don't drive the parents crazy. Plenty of times, I offer to get their food out first, but it throws off the cook times for the kitchen. So offer them some bread? Sure, no problem. I assume you forgot your goddamn box of Cheerios? And what about when I rush to to get their food out quickly and they are finished eating before the parents have received their food? What happens then is that the kid gets antsy because it's ready to go but the parents are too busy eating their own meal to deal with their child and then the kid starts horsing around and wandering the restaurant. Instead, how about teaching a child patience so they can learn to wait for things just like everyone else does in the world?
2. Don’t clear dishes until the customer is really finished with them.
I agree. I have had my hand right near bitten off when some lady wasn't finished with her spaghetti bolognese. My mistake for assuming that she wasn't going to literally lick the plate clean. And I would never remove a glass that even only has 99.9% backwash left in it. It's still yours and if you're like me, you're gonna drink that 99.9% backwash because .1% of it is still a Cosmopolitan.
3. Bring water as soon as the customer asks.
"If a customer asks for water it’s probably because they are thirsty." Thank you, Captain Obvious. If I bring sodas before the water, it's purely a matter of time management. Very often, the bartender is going to pour those six Diet Cokes your table ordered and they are sitting at the bar on a tray waiting for me to grab them. The waters, on the other hand, are something I have to do myself and maybe it's gonna take a couple of minutes to get them to you. You're not in the Mojave Desert, you'll be fine. Also, just because you're thirsty does not mean that everyone at your table is. Servers hate when a customer says, Can I get a glass of water? Oh, you know what? Just bring everyone a glass of water." Really? Are you sure that all six of you want that glass of water because I have plenty of other things to do than get water for five people who don't even want it. "Also, don’t assume the customer doesn’t want tap water. Unless you’re in an area where the tap water isn’t safe to drink, always give them a choice. If there really is something dangerous about the local water, then you should tell them, but in many cities tap water is actually safer than bottled water." What the fuck bottled water are you drinking that is dangerous?
4. Be attentive but not annoying. "Waiters and other servers are there to serve customers, not annoy them. I don’t know what’s worse — needing service and not finding anyone nearby to help you or trying to have a conversation with a dining mate and being constantly interrupted by the waiter." I don't know what's worse either -- needing to take an order from someone and having to wait there being ignored while some asshole finishes his story about his hernia operation or having to say, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but are you ready to order." Yes, I am there to serve customers, so let me do my fucking job and pay attention to me when I get to the table.
5. Seat parties as people arrive.
No, no, no. It may be an inconvenience for you to wait for your whole party, but no, no, no, we should not seat you. Say that two of you show up at 7:00 and tell me that the other six of you are on the way. (They're always "on the way.") So we pull together four two-tops and let you sit down while you wait for them to show up 45 minutes later. My station is now a dead zone and I can't seat anyone else or turn any tables because you have taken most of my station hostage. And then the other six people turn out to be just three people so now five of you are spread out over an eight-top and I am screwed. No, we should not seat incomplete parties. Wait at the bar or in the parking lot or just find some friends who know what it means to be punctual.
6. Don’t make people wait forever for their check, credit card or change.
And on our end, don't ask for the check and then not pay it. We servers hate nonchalantly walking past your table a dozen times to see if you finally pulled your credit card out of your ass. For me personally, I can't wait to give you your change so you can get your ass out of my station and move on to the next table. Turn 'em and burn 'em is the way I make my money.
7. The bill should be legible.
I totally agree.
8. Always disclose or ask before adding condiments, sauces or cheeses.
"Obviously, the menu should make it clear if there are sauces or cheese on an item but even if it’s disclosed on the menu, you should still ask if the customer wants them on their meal." If it says it on the menu, I am going to assume that you read it. You want me to ask every person who orders the arugula and blue cheese salad if they want blue cheese on it? No. You need to read the menu or deal with the consequences if you don't.
9. Sugar-free means sugar-free.
"If someone orders a sugar free drink like a Diet Coke, be 100% certain that they’re not getting one with sugar." I agree. On the other hand, if a little boy weighs about 200 pounds and he orders his fifth regular Coke, I may substitute a Diet Coke in there just to help him out little bit
10. Don’t make comments.
"If I eat my meal quickly or eat everything on the plate, don’t make a comment like 'Oh you ate so quickly' or 'You sure like to eat.'" Same goes for you. If you hand me your empty plate, please don't say something like "Oh it was terrible" or "I hated it." Also, I promise to not comment about how quickly you inhaled that loaf of bread if you promise to not ask me what my real job is.
So tell me everyone, what are your thoughts on these rules? Good ideas or bad ones? And you should go to the original site and post a comment there so that Forbes.com knows that one of their articles has been Bitchy Waiter'd. I'm sure Larry Magid would love to hear from you.
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39 comments:
Larry Magid has run out of ideas for articles if this is what he came up with. My favorite part was the kid getting diet coke, so many times I have wanted to do that. I didn't, dang it!!!
I am thinking with all there is in the world today to write about, Larry coming up with this is absurd!!
About no. 2: Yes. It's annoying when some waiters try taking your plate away from you the second you pause in your eating!
About no. 5: I'm so glad I read your blog, it makes me realize how things we don't pay attention are significant.
I probably will get hell for this but as a parent I can say when dealing with a group with kids, the best thing is to ask "Would you like the kids meal with the meal or as soon as possible?"
My kids are best if they get their food at the same time as us because it is usually easier to keep them busy before they eat then after they eat and we are trying to eat. If you are a restaurant that serves bread/nachos, etc. just remember that the kids are patrons also, so if you are severing a party of 6 with 2 kids, don't just bring out the standard bread basket that serves 4 (or even 2) and get upset when we ask for seconds. Yes we know a lot of people go overboard with bread requests, but not everyone does.
I love when people who have only ever eaten in a restaurant believe they know everything there is to know about running one. I also have over 20 years experience, here's my take; I agree with #1,#2,#4,#7,#9. numbers 3, and 6 are a matter of MY time management and multitasking, suck it up, you came to a restaurant to be waited on, did you really think you would have a waiter all to yourself? you will have to share me with the other customers and they are no less deserving of my time than you are. #8 , we do not add on to your meal unless you ask or you agree to the upsell i have suggested, I'm with BW on this one, read the damn menu, we really don't like replacing meals and costing the restaurant money because you didn't get what you expected to. and #5... where do i begin with this one... in a perfect world; parties would arrive in time and be the number of people they said they would be , because they never do, we've had to impose a few rules to save the restaurant from wasted seats, there is a waiting list at the door but you insist on holding the empty chairs for people you are sure are going to show up, the last place i worked for had very strict rules, all members of the party must show up within 15 min of quoted time, after this time we have the right to pull any chairs you are not using for our customers waiting at the door. suck it up, anyone in your party who is that late is arrogant anyway and believes the whole world will wait for them and are shocked when this does not happen, have all members of your party show on time and you wont have this complaint.
---cheryl
Item 5 - I personally hate places that have NO flexibility in seating ENTIRE parties. It is one thing to not seat a party until most of the people are present, but when you won't seat them because one or two aren't there in a large group even though the people may already know what the person is ordering goes overboard.
Love this blog! God I hate self righteous asshats who love to tell others how to do their job- especially when they have no clue. Anyway, I read the original article and ended up coming across this writer and her rules. I thought you might be entertained by it. http://whereshallweeat.wordpress.com/my-11-restaurant-rules/
The only one I would disagree with is No. 5, and not because of your response, I agree entirely, just the direction you took your argument.
When you present it as "looking out for the other guests", you appear less selfish. Now obviously we are selfish and we care about turning our tables... However, you achieve the same results if you present your argument as: "Well, now we have four 2-tops together, and several couples waiting at the door because you couldn't wait for your entire party... make the guests who want to sit look like selfish assholes".
I do prefer to have my son's meal sooner if possible because he is a chatterbox and it takes him forever to eat because of it. No, he isn't loud or rude, he just likes to talk to us in his indoor voice. The only thing that does annoy me a bit is like another person here said, a lot of times it seems that the kids get forgotten and we get bread for the adults but the kids aren't taken into consideration so we have to keep asking for more. But hey, if a server talks to me, like they often do, I speak with them as well...I have no problem with that at all. This Larry guy is just ridick and he is probably bored and has nothing better to write about.
I agree with your responses a lot more than I would defend his list. I wonder if he reads any waiter blogs? If he did I'm sure his list might be different, but then again asshole customers think only of themselves so probably not.
it not that about how annoying it is for server to be so attentive. i wish they are, every time i dine out. problem is servers bring plates and left, never asked if i need anything else. i waited 10 minutes while part of my meal on the plates getting cold, for server to show up, no matter how much i tried get their attention. i had request while ordering food same time for mayonnaise, because it was never on my burger. is it so hard to ask? do i have to get it myself from the back of the kitchen from server area? my son knock over his drink and no servers came to help, i had to grab every napkins from every empty tables to clean up the spill. servers would hate that. no one should be waiting for a long time. it common sense.
however, madrid never mention what every customers should and how to tips.
"Be attentive but not annoying." Well, obviously, but my big problem with this one is that each table has a different scale for what is attentive vs. annoying. Some need something every 30 seconds. Some don't want you to bother them unless you're bringing their food or a refill. So, you have to figure out what best fits each table's needs, which isn't always easy. Heaven forbid you can't manage to walk that fine line and you get your ass chewed for it.
When food comes to the table the waiter should know what person it goes to and not ask " who had the cheesburger ". Its very easy to write down orders in order of where people sit . I also think it is so rude when they have to reach over anther plate to put down food.
ddee
my grandma is pretty terrible when it comes to waiters taking her plate. she doesn't eat things in a way a normal diner would. she just kind of picks at the salad forever and gets mad when she stops eating it that no one asked her if she was finished.
love switching up the coke to diet coke for the kid. kids don't need MORE sugar.
it's annoying when someone in your party immediately wants water when you first sitdown. wait the five minutes so I don't end up waiting forever for the booze!
In regards to the drinks, I am a diabetic and when I ask for a diet drink I NEED a diet drink. There have been numerous times when I have ordered a diet drink ( these times were fast food) and I got home and it was a regular one so when I ask after receiving the drink people give me a pissed off look.
I have 10 years of serving experience, and 2 kids. I don't think kids should be taken to sit-down restaurants unless they know how to behave. Some kids are just better at it than others. My older child has always been awesome at sitting still and being patient, the younger not so much. So guess what? We suck it up and order takeout or go to a cafeteria style place unless we can leave her home. They way I see it is that, yes, we ARE missing out on dining out as often as we'd like, but if we tried, it would be hell for us and 30 other people. So we don't. And by far my biggest 'pet peeve' is when customers ignore you when you approach the table to greet them, check on them, or take an order. I'm not trying to join your little party, but I would like to know what the fuck you'd like to eat/drink, due to the fact that you're in a RESTAURANT.
This is more in response to someone's comment up there (^^^) and for some reason I can't reply to it. As far as not seating partial parties, my restaurant has that policy. No other place I've ever worked had a policy like that in place, and to be quite honest, I LOVE it. It doesn't really matter if you know what those "last 2 people" are gonna get or not. The fact of the matter is, if we HOLD tables for you, (whether it's the beginning of your dining "experience"...or the end, waiting for those "last 2 people" to finish) we're losing out on money. Why is that so hard to comprehend??? In my place, we only take reservations on weeknights. If you make a reservation, and your WHOLE PARTY doesn't show up within 15 minutes, your table is given away. Plain and simple. It's not hard to be on time, and usually members of a larger party have NOTICE, that they're going out to eat! It's also not hard to understand, that if we hold your table for say, a party of 10, and you don't show up, those tables could of been sat and I could have been making money...instead of watching my co-workers making it. If you make a reservation, SHOW UP, or call. If you're making plans for your entire family to go out to dinner, call the restaurant FIRST, ask what their seating policies are, and stick to it. Tell your damn family/friends, "if we're not there by 7 (7:15) they will give away our table and we'll be assed out. Hold the LATE people accountable-not the damn restaurants policies! It's not only the server losing money, but the owner, as well. DO YOU GET IT NOW?!?!?! And furthermore, as far as the water thing, don't ask me for it if you're not gonna drink it. That just makes me wanna dump it right on your head. And, if I get something for one person in your party, and ask if ANYONE else needs anything before I walk away, this includes EVERYONE at the table. Don't let me come back with something and then make me run again. I've asked if people need anything, and some have had the nerve of having me come back to the table NUMEROUS times! So after the third time of "does ANYONE need ANYTHING ELSE", and my voice sounding a little irritated, I'll make them wait. You are not my only table, and chances are, the ones I'm essentially ignoring because of your pure arrogance, are the ones who will tip me better than you will.
I guess that's all I had to say! Lol! I really love my job. I enjoy it. But PEOPLE make me really hate it sometimes!
So what this guy wants is for the ability to bring 20 people in a restaurant, be seated immediately, wait until everyone is done talking to take the order, tell each and everyone of the 20 people that the meat sauce has meat in it, bring water and kids meals out but not say anything when lil Timmy is done eating and running around in front of me while I am bringing out the rest of your hot food, leave all 20 peoples plates on the table, oh and then cash out twenty separate checks in 5.5 seconds. I am pretty sure this guy is one of those guests who say they are ready to order and have you standing there for 15 minutes while they figure it out. Dude, everyone else in here came to eat just like you.
Another response-is it really a huge deal to have a server pass a customer a plate OVER yours? Let's pick our freakin battles here! I take orders in order. I start to my left and go around. So when I'm delivering food, and NOT yelling out "who had the cheeseburger" (I work in a little bit of a classier place than a burger place, mind you) I start at my left and deliver exactly how I took the order. I mean, what do you want??? Do you want the order to be taken in order, to avoid the "calling out", or do you not want ONE arm, reaching over you ONE time, to deliver food?!?!?! Ya kinda can't have it both ways, you're contradicting yourself! When you sit in a BOOTH, it's impossible not to reach over. And while I'm delivering food, you haven't started eating yours yet, so what the hell is the big deal of reaching over? Are you afraid something is gonna jump off my arm onto your freakin plate? Cuz that could happen anytime, if it's GONNA happen. Maybe when you go out to eat, you should sit on the inside of a booth so no one "reaches over your plate"...what do you really think will happen? Jesus!
And what's up with CERTAIN people requesting hot water for their silverware? To sanitize it? How about the plate you're getting your food on? The glass your drink came in? The booth you're sitting your fat ass on? The bathroom you're gonna use? Like sticking your silverware in some hot water is magically gonna improve your freakin dining experience.
Proper tipping-TWENTY PERCENT FOR EXCEPTIONAL SERVICE! $5 or $10 on $100 is not TWENTY PERCENT! There is a calculator on every phone-figure out what TWENTY PERCENT is if you're not smart enough. If you take up my table for an hour after you've eaten and paid? You tip more! That table could have been sat again, and I could of made another TWENTY PERCENT, but you chose to camp out, which resulted in me LOSING money.
Is your food really going to taste any better in a booth, instead of a table? Some sections in my place of work are nothing BUT tables. So when it's "my turn" in the server rotation and you just HAVE TO move, that means I get skipped (or whoever is in these sections) and YOU screw the server. Sit where the hostess seats you! There is a ROTATION, and that's true for just about every damn restaurant...at least in THIS country.
Certain occupations should be worked, at least one week, before people are let out into the world. Restaurants should be one of them. This is my job OF CHOICE. And certain people should never enter places of "service"...they damn sure act like they've never been in a restaurant before.
Hopefully all of our grudges will be heard, whether it be here, or a different blog. Maybe people will start to "GET IT!"
THANK YOU!
To the anonymous that is defending the entire party being present, this is from the person you are talking to. Notice I said I had a problem with the STRICT enforcement of the policy. I specifically said situations where it is a large party and only one or two aren't present. In situations where these policies have "hurt" me, we could have all been seated and ordered for the one or two people that weren't present. How is this in any way taking away from your restaurant? The table turnover happens at the right time, the correct amount of seats are used. Things happen, it is possible one or two people get stuck in a traffic jam and can easily call in their order to the people that are at the table. But instead by your policy, you would give the table away, just because one person got stuck in a traffic jam. Blindly enforcing policies like these are perfect examples of why things like zero-tolerance policies don't work.
Amen. As a teacher/waitress, I agree that this is an important lesson
Oftentimes with parties of 10 you have another server assisting you with bringing out the food. They do not know the order of where the plates go as the food does not come in the window in order, but rather the time it takes to make the dishes. The order of food orders on a table doesn't always print in order if 2 people order the same thing. Also, the chef is usually angry if the food sits in the window waiting for all dishes because he runs out of room for other dishes so another server helps run the food ASAP. It would not be efficient to explain the other of the food.
First things first- I love your blog.
Secondly- What an ass hat! I saw this article earlier today and I just came here to send you the link but you've clearly already beaten me to the punch. Top notch.
In conclusion- Keep up the bitchin', I can't get enough!
Is your son in school yet? They usually have 20 min to eat and oftentimes if they don't finish because they are talking they either have to toss the rest of their lunch of miss recess. That teaches them real quick how to focus on eating.
Dear Forbes --
I have been reading magazines online and IRL for years. I've come up with "5 Rules for Publishers"
1. Use a font everyone likes. Some people like comic sans, while others are courier new people. But you can't go wrong with Times New Roman. Save the innovation for the graphics department.
2. Don't sell so many ads. I want to read the magazine, not the ads. I pay good money to read your magazine (or my dentist did). I don't care to see all those chef-boy-r-d ads.
3. I don't care how much money estee lauder gives you, scented fold outs smell like shit. Stop putting them in magazines.
4. We're not all liberals. Don't assume we agree with you.
5. Stick to the content that people want to see. I read penthouse so I can see girl-on-girl action. I read Forbes for real estate tips. Not for annoying lectures to the service industry.
I couldn't agree with your response to #5 more. Furthermore, not only is it costing the server, but it also costs the restaurant. I guarantee a restaurant that is looking to make the Forbes list is not seating incomplete parties and holding tables that can potentially be sat. Large parties can be very costly to restaurants because they take longer to seat (usually because they're running late), they take longer to serve, they take longer to clean up, they tend to camp out, and all of this creates longer wait times for other customers which causes them to leave and go somewhere else. I know, I know being "on time" is a tough concept to grasp, I know there's traffic, things come up, but I'm sure your clients don't give a hoot about these excuses, so why should restaurants?
That dude is truly detached. What a tool. That was more akin to a collection of douchey pet peeves than it was helpful pointers. Perfect answers.
#1 Yes, I wanted something for my small children immediately. ANYTHING was fine. I asked, not demanded their food be brought first. I know that food for the whole table is brought at one time. However, I was willing to take any meal to feed my child. I could order a side to fulfil his need for food, NOW! Little children don't understand. However, as they got older, they learned to wait.
#2 Leave my food alone. ASK!
#3 Sometimes, I just never get to water. What's with that? Being patient backfires for me sometimes.
#4 had a waiter and a manager stand for a total of 30 minutes, just chatting, trying to justify the poor quality of food at a restaurant that I never had a problem with. They both thought if they were charming, I would forget the quality of the fresh produce I was served. I just never went back.
#5 Never had the problem.
#6 I just gather my things and start to leave. That gets attention. It rarely happens!
#7 ??? Ask.
#8 If it says an ingredient in the name of the dish, why would someone have to tell me or ask me about it? However, I do ask exactly what else is in a salad since fresh onions or cucumbers would cause me to not eat the salad or spend hours picking it out.
#9 When I order unsweetened iced tea, don't act like I am a bitch for asking for a replacement! Don't offer me tea with artificial sweetener. I know what I like--unsweetened iced tea.
#10 Please don't.
On the whole, this is a stupid list of rules.
Camping out--my friends and I know we are costing you tips. We tip well for the use of space and time. You probably get more than if you had hoped someone would sit there and tip decently. Besides, we don't require any service and place no demands. Okay, my friends will order adult beverages until the end.
If I don't want to sit in the sun, under a glaring light, near the entrance, near the kitchen, near a frigid wall of windows in winter, I am really sorry it ruins your rotation. And, I cannot sit in a booth, ever. It causes too much back pain. I would rather leave.
I understand being a server sucks and is a thankless job. However, it is not you or anyone but the parents' job to decide what their kid should or should not be drinking. Should they be doing it? No. But it's not your say. And if customers are being perfectly respectful, I don't understand why you'd need to make snide comments about anything either. If I'm being nice and not a pain in the ass, and the server is being incompetent and disrespectful, you can bet your ass they're not getting much of a tip. I'm not gonna pay someone to make my dining experience hell.
Hey there,
"Well, I have been riding the subway for almost twenty years but I don't think I know how to drive one and even though I have gone to the dentist every six months for the majority of my life, I have absolutely no idea how to better run a dentist office."
I'm glad you wouldn't tell a dentist how to do his job. I wouldn't either. But the fact is, as a waiter you're working in the service industry. And while what you do to make money doesn't define you.... a big part of being a waiter is customer service. Meaning, the customers' opinions matter and should be taken into consideration.
Also, I agree with the writer's #5! I understand not seating incomplete parties if the restaurant is close to full. But I've walked into restaurants that were nearly empty, and have been told to wait in the corner until the last member of my party arrives. When there are 15 tables open, let me sit down and have a drink.
You really should stay at home. Where DO you want to sit then? Also, if your child is too young to wait patiently, you should not have them in a restaurant. Your child's behavior is not the responsibility of your server, ever. I am not a waiter, but I cringe while watching self-absorbed people like you behave as if you were the queen of England in a Ruby Tuesday.
I agree and disagree with several of these.
On seating large parties: I often ask to be seated when we arrive because I'm handicapped and standing around to wait becomes taxing. I always know exactly how many people will be in the party and always order appetizers and drinks as soon as we sit so our wait-person doesn't feel like they are just waiting around though. You can't assume every customer is just an inconsiderate jerk.
On tipping: I always tip 20% or better unless service was terrible. An example of terrible is one other table, 30 minutes for 3 sodas and over an hour for appetizers, which were wrong (not even close to what we ordered and it was the same waitress). Still, we gave her 15% and vowed from the car not to return. I kinda hate the automatic 18% gratuity on checks b/c I've noticed if its there that's all people pay. People who tip well tip down to the 18% if it's there.
Asking where food goes or reaching: Feel free. Don't care as long as everyone gets fed what they wanted.
Feeding children in some particular order: Whatever will keep them quiet and well behaved. It's not your job to be their parents but you have the unlimited access to bread, crackers, crayons, candy, and whatever else so please help the rest of us out, k?
Asking questions about the menu: sorry but it's my right as a possibly uninformed guest. Not everyone will automatically know whether or not the wild mushroom soup includes portobello if it doesn't say (if they have an allergy it's better to check than call an ambulance 2 minutes after serving b/c you found their question annoying).
I guess the point is just try to find a place of understanding. Nobody is coming in to try to ruin your day.
Oh thank you thank you! As a server in a tiny!!!! Manhattan restaurant I would love to offer classes on being a considerate GUEST at an establishment. I would also love to visit patrons jobs and give them dirty looks all day while making played out jokes and asking them what they really do for a living.
I like how a bunch of whiny customers are responding to this. Allow me to play hostess for you, BW.
Dear Whiny Customers, your comments are accepted, but please remember that this space is for people who WORK in hospitality: servers, waiters, bartenders, chefs. Not you. We don't give a fuck how annoying [insert First World Dining Problem here] is. The point of this blog is what it's like on OUR side of the fence.
There are a million other places you can throw tantrums about bad service. Urban Spoon, Facebook, that Forbes "article", your own damn blog, or in the gutter. But not here. You are not a "paying customer" here. Check your entitlement at the door.
omg!!! I SO LOVE all you post in here, that's just brilliant!! I work as a waitress myself and you really get everything right! So many times I wanted to say something to some annoying customers!.. and now I am reading your blog and feeling relaxed))))) as a revenge to them!))Thanks man, you've made my day!
I really liked the coke idea :) .
I did kinda the same when this lady had the third dbl espresso - I brought her the decaff one, don't need no dead customers in my restaurant
thanks for sharing such a nice blog.
thanks for sharing such a nice blog.
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