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Friday, February 10, 2012

Miracles Really Do Happen

I recently wrote about how frustrating it is when someone takes both copies of the credit card slip effectively keeping me from getting a tip because I don't know what they had written on the tip line. It really sucks when this happens, but a few days ago a miracle occurred. A miracle, a miracle, a true blue spectacle, a miracle come true! Let's play a game and you try to decide which of the following miracles is true:



Miracle #1: I woke up late and was rushing around getting ready to start my day. I was out of Cheerios so I had to go to breakfast option number two which would be two pieces of toast with grape jam. I put my bread in the toaster and two minutes later I sat down with my breakfast ready to eat. All of a sudden, I noticed an image peering back at me from my multi-grain bread. Jesus had appeared on my breakfast food. I quickly took a picture and sold that shit on Ebay for $23.99. It's miracle!

Miracle #2: In my backyard, I have a statue of the Virgin Mary. Every day, I go to her and thank her for watching over me and keeping me safe. I talk to her and explain my day and when I am done I feel better. Well, one day as I was telling her how thankful I was for the ten percent tip that someone left me on a $100 check, I looked into her eyes and saw that she was crying. The Virgin Mary statue was crying real tears and I knew that I was on the path to righteousness. It's a miracle!

Miracle #3: A few days ago, someone came into the club and told me that they had inadvertently taken the credit card slip that had my tip on it and they owed me twenty dollars. It's a miracle!

Can you figure out which one really happened? I'll give you two clues. Never am I out of Cheerios and I do not have a backyard. Uh huh. Someone actually came back in to tip me from the week before. It made my night and it also restored my faith in all humanity and made all things right in the world. Like Anne Frank, "in spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart." Until someone asks me for a glass of water, a bowl of lemons and Sweet and Low packets and then I go right back to hating all people. In celebration of this amazing event, please enjoy Barry Manilow singing his 1974 hit "It's a Miracle." And yes, this is a repost. I'm sleepy, bitches.





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10 comments:

NellieVaughn said...

That was very kind of him or her. I would have just THOUGHT about doing it, without ever actually getting around to actually doing it.

Confessions from the Hairdresser said...

It truly is a MIRACLE that peoples' time and effort is worth so little to them that they'd rather pulverize a bowl of lemon wedges at a restaurant table in an attempt to make their own ghetto lemonade rather than just shell out two dollars for the convenience--and the ability to relax while waiting for their food--that accompanies a glass of real lemonade.

Chantel said...

I cracked up at the ghetto lemondade issue--dear Lord, people are petty! But congrats on your delayed tip--you must have made quite an impression!

JoeinVegas said...

Yes, that does fit in the miracle list.

www.DiatribesAndOvations.com said...

I guessed it right! Yay, me!

Practical Parsimony said...

I guessed right...easy. And, this post was new to me. Replays from your post are never hard to take.

Push The Fish said...

This JUST happened to me on Superbowl Sunday....only I never received my miracle. (I guess Jesus was busy getting ready for the game?) The guy is in our restaurant at least once a month though, and I will be SURE to watch him like a hawk before he leaves next time.

bruce said...

holy crap!

that is a miracle...

it is hard to really believe it, but stranger things HAVE happened...

dirtydisher said...

I think that's Dan Fogleburg on the toast.

Mary A. said...

LOVE this!

And I have one of those Jesus Toast makers. I haven't used it.