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Thursday, May 17, 2012

Served By Whitney

I knew I was going to like my server when she introduced herself as "Whitney. Just like Houston, but without the crack." This is for Whitney.

It had been a long day for me and I was in desperate need of a burger and a beer at my local watering hole, the name of which shall remain anonymous in an effort to protect Whitney from the throngs of fans who would want to sit in her station if they knew where she worked. I slid into a banquette and was greeted by the shining face of an angel. Whitney recited the specials but I knew that nothing was going to change my mind because the burger already had my name on it. However, when she described the special cocktail of the day, I was convinced that beer was no longer a priority. Muddled lemons, citrus vodka, triple sec and topped with champagne. When I took the first sip, I knew I had found The Greatest Love of All. It was sweet and sour at the same time with just the right amount of bubbly to make it tickle my nose and slide down my throat with ease. (If I had a  dollar for every time I've typed those words...) I took a second sip. "You Give Good Love," I whispered to it. I told Whitney that I wasn't quite ready to order, for now that I had found this drink, I needed some time alone with it. "No problem," Whitney said. "You just let me know when you're ready."

I spent the next ten minutes or so taking lewd pictures of my cocktail (if I had a  dollar for every time I've taken lewd pictures of cocktails) and sending them to Facebook and Twitter because that's what I do. In the meantime, I struck up a conversation with Whitney. She explained to me that she was not supposed to work that night because she had tickets to a Mets game (I think that's baseball) but someone called out and they told her she had to come to work. I guess when they called her, she was all "I'm Your Baby Tonight"and she came right in. My ass wouldn't have even picked up the phone if I saw that it was from the restaurant and it was my day off. The only time they call you on your day off is when they need you to come in. But she picked up and came to work. "I was in such a bad mood when I got here, but you are making my night worth it." Maybe she was just buttering me up for a tip, but I kinda believed that we were clicking and I got So Emotional that I ordered another martini. I also ordered my burger.

Whitney and I kept talking and I learned that she was from Arkansas, or the "forgotten state" as she called it. "Close to Texarkana." I suddenly remembered that Arkansas borders Texas so I had found another reason to like this girl: we had both escaped the clutches of small southern towns and made it to the Big Apple where we waited tables. We were soul mates. "My Love is Your Love," I thought. As I sipped my second martini, we soon discovered that I had once been her server at the restaurant I work at which was right down the street. See? We were destined to cross paths. My burger came out and after she did her two-minute check-back, I knew that this girl knew what she was doing. She kept my water filled and when my cocktail was down to its last sip, she appeared bearing gifts. "I've had such a good time talking to you, so I brought us a shot. It's chocolate cake; vanilla vodka and Frangellico!" We clinked our shot glasses and swallowed it All at Once. (If I had a dollar for every time I've swallowed it all at once...) It was so good. I finished my burger and ordered a third martini. Feeling pretty buzzed at this point, I thought I Wanna Dance With Somebody but instead I took more pretty pictures of my drink as soon as it arrived.

Whitney told me she was done at 11:00 and seeing that it was now 10:45, I asked for the check so I could close it out. I thanked her for the night and told her that if she is ever so bored that she has absolutely nothing else to do, she could check out my blog because I was going to be writing something about her. She said she would, but who knows if she will? I paid my bill and told her how much I appreciated the One Moment in Time we had shared. I finished my drink and stumbled my drunk ass Step By Step out of the restaurant and back home. I Will Always Love You, Whitney. The next time I need a great martini and an even better server, I will Run To You. Thank you for a great evening. I wish you could have just sat down and had another drink with me; Didn't We Almost Have It All?

I woke up the next morning wondering Why Does It Hurt So Bad. Maybe I should not have had that third drink after the shot. How Will I Know when I have had too much to drink? Oh, well. It was worth it, Whitney . Three martinis and a shot? It's Not Right But It's Okay.  Thank you, Whitney. If you read this, give me a sign.

Addendum: Whitney saw the post. She said: "I will always love you! Thanks for making my night, the next day I was already following you on twitter and stalking you. I hope I see you again soon for drinks!! Thank you for everything!"

And for those of you who thought this was about the other Whitney, please enjoy this short but sweet video clip:

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Chunky Mama said...

Love this. :)
Way to go Whitney!

Taryn said...

Great, clever post!

Whit_elliott said...

I will always love you! Thanks for making my night, the next day I was already following you on twitter and stalking you. I hope I see you again soon for drinks!! Thank you for everything!


Jill said...

"I think that's baseball". haha! Sounds like me. I have no clue, either.

Myr said...

That cocktail sounds fabulous!! I want one!! :-)

Brandon J. Carver, Editor of Healthy Choices Daily said...

Very clever and thoughtful! If I were Whitney, I would have just discovered my crack!

Anonymous said...

Wow, more Whitney crack jokes.

Beth said...

Chocolate cake is the best. Shot. Ever. Whitney has damn good taste.