Get some Bitchy Waiter in your email!

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Another Kid Gets Drunk at a Restaurant

I always considered my childhood a good one. I had two loving parents and two younger brothers and I remember being a happy child. It turns out my youth was not as idyllic as I thought, because not once was I ever given booze by a waitress who wasn't paying attention. Man, my childhood sucked. Well, everything old is new again, because we have reports of yet another child getting drunk on the sweet nectar. If it's not a drunk ass baby The Olive Garden then it's a drunk ass baby at Applebee's.

A restaurant in Clearwater, Florida is the latest establishment to be all trendy by serving liquor to a child. Two moms took their kids on a Mother's day outing to a place called Frenchy's South Beach Cafe. The kids had earned a "special treat" so the moms ordered them each a virgin strawberry daiquiri. The waitress hit the wrong button on the computer and the next thing they knew, two four year olds were partying like rock stars at Club Med. One of them drank the whole daiquiri in ten minutes which says two things: number one, frozen daiquiris are the bomb and number two, this kid a has a real future as a lush. The other child did not drink his which says one of two things: either the kid was holding out for a Guinness or the moms only ordered one strawberry daiquiri and they are saying that both kids drank them so the story sounds all that much more dramatical. Looking at the receipt, I only see one strawberry daiquiri, so "I'll go with 'moms being all dramatical,' for a thousand Alex."


Shortly after though, one kid "started acting a little strange, falling asleep, stumbling over things … then he started vomiting." Damn four year olds, can't ever hold their liquor. The child was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance where the doctors were probably like, "Yes a four year old should not be drinking daiquiris. I would suggest starting out with something like a wine cooler or maybe a gin and tonic. Also, it helps if they drink plenty of water as they go on their alcohol binge and always follow it up with a banana and an aspirin."

No charges are expected to be filed against the restaurant or the waitress since it was pretty clear that this was an accident and there was no intention to get a kid trashed on Mother's Day. The moms, understandably, want some kind of system in place so this doesn't "happen to another child, where they die," said one overly dramatic mom. It's called "plastic cups," people. That way you know that nothing alcoholic ever goes into plastic, kids never have a glass that might have alcohol in it and it also means when the kid knocks that shit over (and they will) the glass won't break.

It does seem to be happening a lot lately or maybe it happened all the time and thanks to videos and stories "going viral" we just hear about it more often now. Either way, it's my cue to go to Party City and buy myself a baby costume and head right over to my nearest Olive Garden, Applebee's or Frenchy's South Beach cafe and order a smoothie and keep my fingers crossed that it will show up as  a cocktail but they will only charge me the non-alcoholic beverage price.



Download The Bitchy Waiter App for Android here.


Click here to follow The Bitchy Waiter on Twitter.
Click here to find The Bitchy Waiter on Facebook.



18 comments:

Anonymous said...

parents could also just stop getting stupid virgin drinks for their kids too. a 4 year old? fucking apple juice and chocolate milk. had someone ask for a virgin rum runner yesterday. are you fucking retarded? ok one oj and sour splash grenadine coming right up.

Dani said...

This concern came up at a restaurant I tend bar at, and just as you said, only bar customers/adults get glass. Alcohol is never served in plastic (unless its mine, and its never around long enough to be served to a customer by accident).

Tracy said...

damn lucky kids these days.. I only got sips of beers and wine. *sigh* Here I am, trying to coax my ten year old (11 in less than two weeks) to TRY beer, coolers, wine.. just to keep her not interested..

RealSugar said...

This is literally the funniest shit Ive ever read. If you were not gay or married Id feel super obligated to give you a blow job.

RealSugar said...

And to Tracy : My parents let me try those things too, and Im an alcoholic. Just saying, I wouldnt do that.

J (Great Grandmother's Kitchen) said...

Wait a sec...how many drinks are on that receipt?

Either both moms were drinking, or one was getting plastered. Is that why they didn't notice? Who was supposed to be driving those kids home?

Brandon J. Carver said...

J, Excellent point!

Under Cover said...

Actually, there are two answers: plastic cups for the kiddos, and tasting your kids's drinks. I've written about cases in which kids were served alcohol (by accident) in child cups. A quick sip of the "apple juice" prevents some problems.

KSeiger said...

I'll buy you a daiquiri AND a margarita if you wear your baby costume and meet me at Applebee's! (That sounded a little fetishy up on proofreading. But so be it.)

Mark W said...

When parents would order "virgin" strawberry daiquiris for their kids, I'd repeat it as "a strawberry smoothie." Avoids any confusion and lets the parent know what a "virgin" daiquiri really is.

Mary A. said...

Can't get behind the parents ordering a "virgin" anything. Would they give the kid an O'Douls? No. Buy 'em a shirley temple. Thats as mock-cocktail as you should get with a kiddo.

Real Sugar -- my parents also gave me sips, I am also an alcoholic, and I also would totally suck BW's .. . .well, you know.

Anonymous said...

Jeez, what a bunch of dirty birdies! I love it! Tweet! Tweet!
When I was 10 I went to a Mexican food place with my mom. She ordered a strawberry margarita for her and a virgin strawberry margarita for me. The drinks got mixed up, I told her mine tasted funny, she complained, drinks were comped, end of story. It didn't make the evening news, she didn't sue the restaurant, and life went on. She drunk drove our asses home and now I, too, like to drink alcohol (Alcoholics are quitters). The media really can get a little crazy sometimes.

Myr said...

Holy shizznit, I have to agree with Mary A., above. Who orders a "virgin" anything for a child? I was 20 before I got the nuts to order a "'virgin" margarita for myself!!

I am by no means a crazy ass June Cleaver mama, bit that's just asking for trouble! LOL

NellieVaughn said...

Not many people know this, but this is how Paris Hilton became the person she is today.

J.R. Locke said...

Those mom's look like they were boozing it up with the kid's that day; two Rum Runners and Sex on the beach. Hope they were'nt driving.http://complaintothemanager.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

Aaaaand that's a TGI Friday's.. I work at one.. I recognize the font, layout, and prices on the receipt.

Anonymous said...

This is a mistake on the server's part, potentially. This is at a TGI Friday's. I work at one and I know that every Friday's has a specific "brand standards" for bar drinks. A Virgin Daiquiri is served in a Collins glass. An alcoholic Daiquiri is served in a T-wine. The server should have caught that. Unless the bartender was an idiot and served it in the wrong glassware.

Neil Johsnon said...

I read this kind of post first time and this make me happy a lot but kid dressing is awesome. I like it and i hope in future you will also update us about that. waitresses.co.uk