Bitchy Waiter Best of 2012

How can 2012 end without there being some kind of "end of year" wrap up? It can't, I tell you. Keeping that in mind, I have gone through the blog archives and looked to see what were the highlights of the year. Turns out The Bitchy Waiter in 2012 was pretty much the same as it was in 2011: bitching, whining, complaining and pissing people off. Success! There were 211 posts in 2012 as compared to the 299 from the year before which means that I got a little bit lazy. I will try to amend that for 2013 and when I say "try to amend that" I mean I won't think about it again until the day before 2014.

I have decided to make three top five lists. One list will be the five posts with the most comments, another list will be the five with the most views and the last list will be the five that were "liked" the most on Facebook.Keep in mind that these lists serve no purpose other than to try to get you to go back and reread some crap I wrote in 2012. Plus, everyone likes lists. It's a known fact. And here we go:

Most Comments

1. 177 comments. Are Your Customers as Stupid as Mine Are? came in with so many comments because Springs1 took over and couldn't shut the fuck up.
2. 110 comments. This post called 10 Ways Being a Waiter Has Made Me a Better Person got people talking and remembering that waiting tables isn't all bad, just mostly bad.
3. 82 comments. A Comment on Comments all about the notorious Ranch bitch from hell, Springs1.
4. 74 comments. I Hate Your Baby. So What? Need I say more?
5. 46 comments. A two-way tie for this. A Comment on Comments is always fun to write and on this one I had an especially good time ripping a new asshole for the original commenter. In No Seating of Incomplete Parties, I guess I wasn't the only one who had thoughts on this.

Most Viewed

1. 9,531 hits. Reason #525,600 Someone Didn't Tip wins for the most viewed piece of the year. ("Most viewed piece" sounds dirty and makes me think of Kim Kardashian.)
2. 6,357 hits. Potty Training in a Restaurant? Hell No! How can you resist going back to reread about the dumb bitch who saw no problem with setting up a potty training toilet at the table in the middle of the restaurant?
3. 6,293 hits. Most Ridiculous List of Fines, Ever stirred up a lot of attention because the manager had his head so far up his ass that he thought this was a good idea.
4. 6,130 hits. A Response to "10 Rules For Restaurants" because you know if someone wrote  a stupid article about restaurants then I was going to find it and tear them a new asshole.
5. 6,040 hits. The Argument FOR Separate Checks did well, maybe because I was actually for something that I am usually against.

Most Liked via Facebook.

1. 738 likes. Eating Out For Thanksgiving? Read This First. Lots of people liked this one
2. 712 likes. This post called One Big Meatball Family hit home with a plenty of people because we know how wonderful our coworkers can sometimes be.
3. 618 likes. 10 Ways Being a Waiter Has Made Me a Better Person. makes a reappearance.
4. 575 likes. It's Official: Servers Are Not Stupid. Of course people liked this one because, duh.
5. 470 likes. And we see another repeat with this dumb bitch who thought she had a good excuse to not leave a tip. Reason #525,600 Someone Didn't Tip.

There you have it.Here's hoping that 2013 is a wonderful year for all of us. I hope for nice customers with friendly attitudes who like to tip 20%. Happy new year, everyone!

It's 2012. Bitch Proud.

Wipe the sleep out of your eyes and push those champagne bottles out of your bed, because it's 2012! Somewhere between my fourth champagne with Chambord and my first St. Germain vodka gimlet, 2011 let out its last heavy sigh and slipped into the history books. Looking back on 2011, I must admit it was a pretty good year for Bitchy Waiter. I got to be on CBS Sunday Morning as well as Dr. Phil and I managed to squeeze out 299 posts on the blog. Not too shabby. Even more impressive, I did not get fired all year long. It did, however, come very close a few weeks ago when my manager told me I was being very disrespectful for sweeping while we still had customers in the restaurant. Personally I thought I was being proactive by cleaning up the mess of bread crumbs left behind by a shaky senior citizen, but whatever. My manager went on to tell me that I was nowhere on the floor that night and made it impossible for guests to ask me for anything. The truth is, we only had 15 covers in over five hours so there weren't any fucking customers to ask me for anything. He sent me home early that night but we have since made up and are back to the cold distant unfeeling relationship we always had.

As we look at the new year ahead, we are all filled with hope because it's a clean slate; a chance to start fresh, to control alt delete, if you will. And we can't have a New Year's Day without at least throwing some resolutions up against the wall and seeing what sticks. I will try to keep a few things in mind as I drink my way through the next 365 days.

• I will try to give my eye muscles a break by not rolling them so often when people ask me for stupid fucking shit like a martini with extra liquor.
• If a baby is in my station I will not immediately assume it's an asshole. I will wait three minutes before I determine its asshole-ness.
• Sometime in 2012, I will finagle a way to be on national television again on something like The Chew or Unique Eats. It will happen though, even if it means I have to go stand behind a news reporter with a cardboard signs that says www.TheBitchyWaiter.com on it.
• I am going to try to become Superstar Employee of the Month even though everyone else at my job deserves it way before I do.
• The next time a lady tells me she wants her burger cooked medium and then sends it back because it has a little pink in it, I will not mentally shove the burger down her throat. Instead, I will smile and tell her I will have it cooked medium-well and when she's not looking I will take a picture of her with my cell phone and submit the photo to my Facebook page with the caption of "Stupid Fucking Bitch."
• I will appreciate every shift meal I get because I know there are children in Africa who would love to eat a bowlful of leftover pasta with corn and skate that sat under the warmer so long that it grew its own skin.
• I will do The Bitchy Waiter Show in New York City and invite everyone to come see me bitch live and in person.
• This year, I will try to wash my apron.
• I will sell some more of my Bitch Proud bracelets.
  
• Maybe in 2012 I won't manage to get a server fired just because the server was a rude asshole.
• I am going to attempt to memorize what kind of scotch we serve so that I don't always have to go ask the bartender. Seriously, I have a mental block with that liquor.
  
• I am going to finally figure out a cocktail to make using that Bubblegum Vodka I got 366 days ago.
• If the world ends (again) this year, I will try to be first in line for the party express bus to hell where I know most of you will be joining me.
• I will marry my boyfriend.
  
• Most importantly, I resolve to keep writing as often as I can. This blog makes me happy and even if it never goes further than this, it is a great thing for me. I thank you for reading it and I love when you email or comment or suggest it to your friends. Thank you.
  

So what about you? Do you have a resolution for 2012? Let me know. Leave a comment, even if it's just to say "Happy New Year, you tired ass bitch."

Happy New Year and here's to a great 2012!