So you may have noticed that I have not written for a while. Maybe you didn't notice and that's okay too. Contrary to popular belief, it is not because I am lazy and complacent. Well, that may have been part of it, I freely admit. However, the main reason for the lack of posts is because I was busy healing. Uh huh. Doctors went all up in me and cut my ass up. There was an operating room, surgeons and blood involved. Don't be skeered, kids. It was minor surgery involving my septum and its deviance. It was not sex reassignment surgery as someone has suggested. Hopefully I will soon be able to breathe freer and easier. Years and years of mouth breathing shall soon come to an end. Minor or not though, that shit freaked me out and for the week before it happened, it was all I thought about. Feel free to comment with a "get well soon" or "hope you're better" or you can always just
click here if you really want to make feel better.
I return to work tonight after a week of channel surfing, soft foods and Vicodin. The doctors tell me that I should take it easy for about two weeks to not encourage bleeding. And, really who ever wants to encourage bleeding? That translates to:
- do not carry any ice
- do not carry any racks of glasses up or down a flight of stairs
- do not carry a tray of more than three drinks
- do not prepare your own spinach/artichoke dip; ask a host to do it
- do not tolerate idiocy from any guest
- walk slowly and if someone tells you they are in a hurry, tell them "fuck off, I just had goddam surgery."
- avoid all sidework
- get to work 15 minutes late and leave 15 minutes early
- ask for double time, overtime, holiday pay and hazard pay
- do not smile, it may hurt your nose
- mention to your guests that you had surgery and hope for some pity tips
More posts to come soon, I promise.