Yes, it happened again. On May 26, a three year old was served orange juice with vodka and that baby ended up as drunk as I am on a Sunday brunch shift when the manager spends the day in he office doing paperwork. Bingyan Cai said her son Michael got trashed while they were aboard the Alii Kai Catamaran enjoying a dinner cruise in Oahu, Hawaii. I have never been on a dinner cruise, but I may have to try one if they can assure me that every time I order orange juice it will come spiked with vodka. The mom noticed her son turning red, acting unruly and mumbling which, I think, is pretty much how all three-year olds are. “He just got really red and he just kept mumbling, ‘Momma it’s hot, it’s hot,”’ she said. “He was just so wild, full of energy and tried to run here and there but couldn’t even stand straight.” It sounds like your typical Booze Cruise, if you ask me.
After she tasted the drink and confirmed that it was extra extra delicious, she alerted the staff who responded with a bottle of water and a "don't make a fuss as to not ruin the ride for tourists." She had him checked out the next day and she has no plans to sue. The company refunded her the $300 it cost to take her family on the "Kids Drink Free Boat" and called it a day. My favorite quote that the mom said is, "if he had drunk the whole 12 ounces it could have been very fatal for him at this age." Very fatal. As opposed to just kinda fatal. That's like being a little bit pregnant.
This brings up the following questions:
- Why the fuck was I never accidentally served alcohol when I was a baby?
- Where do I get a ticket for the dinner cruise where you order orange juice and they bring you a screwdriver?
- Can I substitute the screwdriver for a margarita on the rocks with salt?
- What is going on with servers not paying attention to what they are serving?
- How did this baby get so lucky that he lives in Hawaii and gets free cocktails?
- What the hell kind of name is "Bingyan Cai?"
- Is the legal owner of the picture I posted going to be all pissed off at me because I made their baby asking for a martini?
- Is it a good idea to simply lower the drinking age so that when a toddler gets served liquor, it can be no big deal?
- Don't babies order apple juice anymore?
- What do you call apple juice spiked with vodka?
- If I adopt a baby, will it help me get free drinks?
- Can't babies think of new and creative ways to get their fame whoring selves in the newspaper? Drunk babies are so passé.
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