A Comment on Comments

This blog gets a fair amount of comments from readers and I read every single one of them. By reading them, I feel that it helps me keep my finger on the pulse of the blog and it allows me to know which direction to write. I am also constantly scouring the comments for that one that will inspire me to write my next Comment on Comments post. And here it is.

On the blog post Reason #525,600 Someone Didn't Tip, anonymous had this to say:

bullshit on this story. If u expect the customer to pay your wage get a new job, you get paid at least minimum per state if u signed up for that thats what you get, I tip 10-15% more or less depending, servers expecting 20-25% eat a... That's ridiculous. It is after all a "tip" get out of the service industry if u depend on this "tip" but why would u u make good money dont you? 

How could I not respond to this masterpiece of the English language? Move over Bard of Avon, because there's a new writer in town and his name is Anonymous. Since Anonymous seems to have his own way of writing (sans punctuation, syntax or intelligence) I will try to respond to the comment in a way that his mind may perhaps comprehend it.

bullshit on u, anon 'cause this is a blog bout waiting tables and u u gotta no that, see? i did sign up 4 waiting tables in fact when i sign up they told me thats how it goes to wait on tables when people dont tip even though u no they no they should be tippin at lease 15%  i can make good money on "tips" but peeps hafta to tip 4 me 2 make good money on tips 20-25% eat a...That's ridiculous. maybe I will get a knew job like a lawyer or doctor instead so i dont have tips no more, but u know those jobs are hard and waiting tables is easy. eat a...That's ridiculous. dont you?

Okay, I can't with that. I don't even know what this asshole is trying to say to me. I think he is telling me to get a new job. And with the "eat a..." is he telling me to "eat ass" or to simply eat something of an undetermined nature?" I gather he is telling me to eat ass but he is too refined to actually type out the word. I don't quite understand how eating ass factors into the equation here. Is it going to improve my tips? Because I am always looking for ways to boost my income. Maybe he is telling me if I eat his ass, he will then tip me 20-25% instead of his customary 10-15%. If this is the case, I suggest that he simply go to craigslist and find someone to eat his ass. Craigslist is crawling with ass eaters. That way he can go directly to the ass eating without all that unnecessary ordering of apps and entrees from a waiter before he gets to his dessert of ass eating. Why involve a waiter in his scat play? It seems like an extra step not to mention unsanitary for the other tables in the waiter's section. Maybe table 12 doesn't want to deal with a waiter who has just been ass eating. I could be wrong, for this is not my area of expertise, but I would think most customers would rather have their waiter eating ass off the clock. Or at least in the side stand or the walk-in where they don't have to see it. Anonymous, good luck with your quest on finding a waiter to eat your ass for a 20-25% tip. Personally, I would need at least a 30% tip to go that extra mile down the Hershey Highway, but maybe somewhere you will find that server who is all, "Ass eating for 20%? You bet!" In the meantime, please continue with your comments on blogs. They are truly a wonder to behold and your skills with the written word are something I only aspire to.

Thank you for your comment.




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