What some customers fail to understand is that restaurants are not supermarkets. We don't have aisles and aisles of food "in the back" that we can just go get if they have a specific request. If we don't sell Coca-Cola products, you are going to have to suck it up and drink a Pepsi. I can't swing over to aisle three and pick up a two-liter Coke for your ass. A woman orders a side of red curry coconut mussels and an an order of fries from me. This is a very quick meal to prepare and within ten minutes, I am happily placing the food in front of her.
"Ah, another satisfied customer," I think to myself.
"Thank you, this looks delicious," she tells me.
"It certainly smells good," I respond. "Is there anything else I can get for you?"
"Yes, just bring me some chipotle mayonnaise and I'm all set."
Chipotle mayo? Where does this bitch think she is? This ain't the Monterrey House, senorita, so don't be asking for no goat's milk candy either. Ay chihuahua!
"I'm sorry, but we don't have chipotle mayonnaise."
The woman lets loose a sigh as if she just heard that her favorite pair of mom jeans has been discontinued and she'll have to do all of her shopping on Ebay from now on.
"Okay, just bring me the mayo and the chipotle sauce and I'll do it myself then."
"We'll, we don't have chipotle sauce either. I can bring you Tabasco sauce if you like."
Immediately, her demeanor changes. She inhales very deeply and exhales through her nose as she puts both of her elbows on the table and rests her head on her hands. She slowly turns her head towards me, her lips puckered and her nostrils flared.
"You don't have chipotle sauce?" she asks incredulously.
Keep in mind, there is no reason we would ever have this elusive chipotle sauce. We are a small bistro with salmon, roasted chicken, burgers and pastas. Nothing on our menu would suggest that we have chipotle sauce, guacamole, corn chips, salsa, tortillas or anything else that one would find at someplace like, I dunno, Chipotle?
"I can bring some Tabasco sauce-"
"Not the same thing!" she interrupts. "Fine. Just bring the mayo. But I can't believe you don't have chipotle sauce."
You know what I can't believe, lady? I can't believe that you are surprised that a little American bistro doesn't have chipotle sauce and that when I told you we didn't have it you had to roll your eyes so hard that your eyeball muscles got a better work out than I did at the gym this morning. I can't believe that your sigh was heavier than my eyelids after a two martinis. I can't believe you acted like settling for plain mayonnaise was the equivalent of settling for a soy burger when you ordered prime rib. I can't believe that I just wrote a whole blog post about fucking chipotle sauce.
Yes, sometimes restaurants don't have what you want. Our refrigerator is not the same as the one at your house. If the restaurant doesn't have something that you want, your only choices are to accept it or go somewhere else. You don't need to do the eye-roll-heavy-sigh thing because no amount of that is going to make me want to go to the grocery store and get it for you. Besides, I offered Tabasco. I know it's not the same thing, but couldn't you have just said, "No thank you?"
And just so you know, we don't have Ranch dressing either, so don't ask.
What have people asked for at your job that you didn't have?
Click here to follow The Bitchy Waiter on Twitter.
Click here to find The Bitchy Waiter on Facebook.
61 comments:
Awesome blog. I live in the South and the restaurant I work in does not serve ranch dressing or sweet tea and I've seen people actually slam their fist into the table for not having these things. One guy just the other night says, "Well, what do I do now?" Pathetic.
How about passion fruit iced tea? I have never worked at an establishment that serves passion fruit iced tea, yet have been asked for it at every single one.
And when you break the news, "I'm sorry, we don't have passion fruit iced tea, just a regular black iced tea."
"Oh. Do you have ANY flavored iced teas?"
"No. Just regular black iced tea."
"Iced green tea?"
Seriously? Yeah, I actually have some passion fruit iced green tea that I'm hiding from you. Yikes.
I also once worked at a restaurant that didn't have ranch dressing. You can imagine how that went on a nightly basis.
We don't have ranch! Ha ha I love it! It's a tiny little cafe, I work with a chef, and not one of the dressings is "normal." I adore this. I love the way everyones' eyes bug out when I deliver the (fresh-cut super delicious) French fries and deny them their white, creamy condiment. I turn heel and walk away. When I return, they're lovin up the fries that are all hot and fresh and generously sprinkled with sea salt. Bahahahaha take that evil ranch demons! You can't ruin my job anymore!
The other thing I love, we don't have fountain sodas. No free refills on ANYTHING! Want another diet coke? I'll be happy to charge you for another can. :-D "What do you mean you don't make kiddie cocktails?! EVERYONE makes kiddie cocktails! Well. She'll just have water I guess." Sorry I couldn't spike your kids blood sugar right before the meal so they're antsy and irritable and not hungry! My bad! I'll just run across the street to the Speedway and get some grenadine and sprite.
Last, and my favorite, is we have no hard alcohol. No vodka soda. No rum and coke with a lime. We have fantastic wine and great beers on tap. Nope, we done carry bud light either. Or any domestic crap for that matter.
I'm so sorry ma'am. We don't carry white zin either. Try the Olive Garden by the mall, 15 minutes up the highway. Oh, and have a NICE day! ;-)
What, no ranch? What is Springs1 supposed to use to dip her fries? No tip for you!
I worked at a place that was asian cuisine, I used to get asked for things like, grated parmasan cheese, ketchup and sour cream. and why would we carry that? use your brain here people... if you don't see that ingredient anywhere on the menu, don't be surprised when we say we don't carry it. I also had a customer imply that we DID have it that I was just too lazy to get it for her, bitch!
Without looking at the menu even once: "I'll have the Fajitas."
"Um, we don't serve Fajitas.."
"Excuse me? Ugh, I guess just a quesadilla, then."
"...we don't serve quesadillas. How about I give you a minute to look over the menu."
"No, no, I'm ready. Ugh, I guess I am just having a chicken wrap tonight. Fries. No tomato."
".......we don't serve chicken wraps. I really suggest you look over the menu."
^actual conversation
"I need some tartar sauce for my shrimp."
"We don't carry tartar sauce, is there something else you'd like instead? Maybe cocktail sauce?"
"Ew, no. Well, you are just going to have to make me some tartar. Extra relish in there while you're at it."
"I would, but I am not permitted to prepare food. Nor, do we have relish. Enjoy your meal!"
^twice a week, at least
People be tripping, yo. I work at a British pub in Brooklyn. I'm sorry, authentic British. Our menu contains fish and chips, bacon butty, welsh rarebit and meat pies. The neighborhood I work in is famously Italian/ Irish. I've had people ask for a side of penne and red gravy, antipasto and mussels. I always like to play this number, " Oh, wow! When did we get that on the menu?".
Hehe, this post and comments are cracking me up. People will occasionally ask me for tartar sauce for their fish, which already comes deliciously sauced. One customer told me, "last time I was here they made me some." Great, thanks coworkers! Since we don't have pickles, our ghetto version was aioli with capers, lol.
A vase, for wedding flowers.
Haha Rogue Wino -- I once had a co-worker who would make 1000 island for people, and it never failed, they'd come in during the lunch rush when we were getting our asses kicked and request 1000 island, and when I told them no, they'd say someone made it for them last time.
There was only one staff member who would do such a thing, so I'd make him do it. "Table 52 wants 1000 island, and says their waiter made it for them last time? Yeah, I'm gonna need you to get on that..." (with a smile, of course) Luckily, he knew what he'd started, and made it without complaining every time :)
On an unrelated note...I know the basic components to 1000 island, and seeing it prepped in a bottle or tub doesn't bother me, but for some reason, watching people eat it when it was mayo and ketchup just seconds before, is really repulsive to me. Haha.
I had a middle aged man slam his fists on the table and have a mini tantrum because we don't have friggin' Splenda. It was unbelievable. Lcukily, his wife was with him and she was suitably embarassed and annoyed with him for his behavior, and scolded him for it. He acted like an ashamed little boy for the rest of the time they were there. it was really pathetic. And if you're that hooked on Splenda, carry some in your pocket fercrissakes.
~Serenity
"do you serve icecream sundaes?" ..." No, we just have vanilla icecream for ala mode" ... " can i just get two scoops of chocolate icecream in a dish?".... " we dont have chocolate icecream, just vanilla for desserts ala mode".... " do you have chocolate sauce?"..." Yes....."...." Then i want two scoops of vanilla icecream with chocolate sauce, actually we will all have that"..... The icecream dilemmas happen all the time. People ask what we have for dessert, and we dont offer dishes of icecream, and they order icecream, with nuts, sprinkles etc on them. And bc we have vanilla icecream we have to accomodate it as best as we can. And it never fails, if we walk in with one icecream dish, everyone freezes and oos and ahhs and numerous tables order them. And milkshakes are a frequent request, we are not a diner, and never had them, but some people act like we are an icecream shop with no milkshakes, but thats ok rhe bartender has a blender we could use hers. ( actual suggestion)
Worked at an open air seafood restaurant that didn't serve crab legs or raw oysters, that upset more than one person.
Also had a lady come in who insisted we had a fried crab claws appitizer last time she was there. Asked a manager who had worked there since the place opened and he said we had never had a fried crab claw app. Sorry lady no amount of complaining is gonna make it magically appear, order something else or go to another restaurant.
Also had a huge party come in and I swear half of them didnt look at the menu, was getting asked for stuff we didn't have. Look at the menu before you order! If its not on there, we don'thave it!
I work at Olive Garden and we do NOT have french fries. Not a single french fry in the entire building. That means we don't have french fries for kids meals or for sides. NO FRENCH FRIES!!!
And when I tell customers this, they act like I'm lying to them and am hiding the fries for myself! Go to Mc Donalds across the street!!!!
I work in a Lebanese restaurant in Metro Detroit. We have a number of wonderful middle eastern restaurants in the area. My favorite is "Why isn't your fattoush like the fattoush over at ?"
Other famous hits are:
"You don't have flavored iced teas? Why not?"
"Your soup is different than 's"
and the list goes on and on.
New follower and Macaroni Grill waitress here... Any obscure drinks that hardly anyone has (Diet Sprite, Mtn. Dew, etc.), "normal bread" (Just our delicious rosemary bread, poor you!), linguine, ANY dressing besides ranch/vinaigrette, most beers (hello, wine anyone?), and my personal favorite, macaroni. We don't have the one pasta our place is named after! Surprise!
Eye rolling and large sighing is the worst. It's not going to suddenly conjure your thousand island dressing so save yourself the exhausting drama show. Please.
Our restaurant is attached to a historical hotel on Main Street, which limits what we can do with our store. Our martini bar has no draft beer because of this, and I cannot count the number of customers that have told me how how horrible bottle beer is or how much more business we would get if we would "just put in Blue Moon on tap, or even Bud Light for Christ's sake!"
I think it's because the olive garden I worked at had French fries in the past, so folks who don't eat out regularly are kind of confused as to why they no longer carry them
It sure doesn't sound like she was too horrible. She had a somewhat unreasonable expectation for chipotle sauce...but she adapted. She didn't storm out, scream, ask for the manager, throw dishes, or even say something nasty. Sounds like a non-event to me.
I cried laughing. When I worked at a steakhouse people always wanted gravy to put on sh*t. We had au jus for prime rib but no 'gravy'. They would look at me like I'd grown a third head.
This post (and all of them) just make me so happy. RE; the anon who said "she didn't sound too horrible" well, how 'bout this: Get a job as a waiter and get back to us all.
Have a NICE day indeed! ;)
I work in a cocktail bar that also serves crumpets. A woman came in last night and got upset because I couldn't make her a toasted sandwich, her response to "we don't have bread" was "well why can't you just nip over to the store and get some?". People astound me.
Fries! I know...What lame restaurant doesnt have fries? A barbeque restaurant in New Mexico. Its kinda ridiculous because our alternatives include potato salad, beans, cole slaw (no pineapple in it) and grilled veggies, but no fries. There's just no fryer at our restaurant...:P
Well, since I sell TV advtsg they like to ask for guranteed results. I try not to roll my eyes.
Did she pronounce it cheepotel?
or maybe sheep-oht-lee?
Those are my 2 favorite ways to fuck up that word.
No really-she was going to put chipotle mayo on curry mussels? Eww
I used to have a roommate who pronounced it "chip-ol-tee." It made me cringe.
I used to work at a diner that served fresh-squeezed orange juice. The machine was huge and visible to everyone in the restaurant. People used to get a kick out of watching us make it, but there was one lady who for some reason didn't trust our oranges, because she brought her own and insisted I make it with hers.
Anon - no, she was going to dip her fries in it. I personally love chipotle mayo with fries...but I would never be such an ASSHOLE about it. That's why I have a kitchen at home, with delicious chipotle mayo in the fridge! I find it's not the same to make it myself.
I had a woman as for a glass of Coke, but "syrup only"--she didn't want any carbonated water (or any water) in it! She said she wanted a glass of the concentrated syrup for her sore throat. So even though we technically had it, we couldn't serve it. Plus, if you have a sore throat, STAY HOME!
*without looking at dessert menu* "Do you have a chocolate mousse?"
"No, I'm sorry; we have other chocolate options-"
"AAARGH! Why don't people just do a plain chocolate mousse anymore?!"
I'll ask?
---
*really tough-looking guy in leathers* "Do you have vanilla milkshakes?"
"No... this is a pub."
"Well, do you have milk?"
"Yes."
"Do you have sugar?"
"Yes."
"Do you have vanilla syrup?"
"No. We do not stock vanilla syrup because we do not make drinks such as milkshakes, as I just told you."
I managed to sell him a White Russian in the end.
---
"Hi, do you have a reservation?"
"No, actually, do you just sell bottles of water?"
"Takeaway? The closest would be glass bottles of San Pellegrino."
"But... I really just want a bottle of water."
So maybe go the the 7/11 next-door rather than a fine dining restaurant?
"I'm on an unusual diet, can I please just have some plain yoghurt and some bread?" Erm, no, you can get out of the restaurant because what's the point in going if you can't eat ANYTHING that's on their menu. Annoyingly, the manager actually went out to the supermarket and bought them plain yoghurt. We charged them, but it still pissed me off. Oh, and I really hate that line "Oh, it's okay, they made it for me last time" and the variant "It's okay, I always have that, the chef knows what I have." Doesn't make it an acceptable request. And I'm pretty sure that half the time, they're lying just to get their way.
I work in a restaurant serving contemporary Asian cuisine and I always get customers asking if we have ranch/ketchup etc...when I tell them no, some will get mad and act as if those things are common in Asian cuisine. Some lady went so far as to bring in her own bottle of ranch (probably Springs1) to mix with her fried rice.....
Some popular favorites: raspberry lemonade, French dressing, Caesar dressing, sweet potato fries, gravy, and (my personal favorite) corn dogs.
People don't like reading our menu.
"no amount of complaining is gonna make it magically appear"--earlier responder.
THAT is the understatement of the year.
what i want to know what is she going to do with chipotle mayo with her curry mussels??? ok mybe she likes that with fries but that combo just sounds disgusting......
I'm not a waitress - but I work for a gas station chain that also serves a wide variety of food. I regularly get asked if we have corn dogs - which is apparently the holy grail of fried food in the south. Nope, just hot dogs, which are 3 for $1.
No we really don't have corn dogs.
Nope, not even in our freezer.
No I cannot put a hot dog on a stick and turn it into a corn dog - I wouldn't even know where to find a sanitary stick to use.
No, asking my manager will not get you a different answer.
No we will not give you coupons for free food for the "inconvience" and the supposed emotional trauma your kid is suffering. Just take the brats to Cookout.
And most importantly - No the customer is NOT always right.
Number one is Bay-patayta ( this is how they say Baked Potato in the south). We have new potatoes, fries, garlic mashed and cheese grits but it completely throws them off when we can't give em a big ole baked spud!
Once, a guy ordered a burger. I asked him if he wanted to add cheese and he said yeah. I asked him if he preferred cheddar, Swiss or Jack and he looked at me all confused. "That all you got". I said "oh I'm sorry we have blue cheese, too, which is actually my favorite on a burger". He said "you don't got 'Mercian?" I said "no sir but we do have cheddar". And he said "never mind I don't want no cheese". True story!
Number one is Bay-patayta ( this is how they say Baked Potato in the south). We have new potatoes, fries, garlic mashed and cheese grits but it completely throws them off when we can't give em a big ole baked spud!
Once, a guy ordered a burger. I asked him if he wanted to add cheese and he said yeah. I asked him if he preferred cheddar, Swiss or Jack and he looked at me all confused. "That all you got". I said "oh I'm sorry we have blue cheese, too, which is actually my favorite on a burger". He said "you don't got 'Mercian?" I said "no sir but we do have cheddar". And he said "never mind I don't want no cheese". True story!
Sorry that was supposed to be 'Merican as in American darn auto correct!
I get requests for diet stuff other than Coke, too! Where are they getting this?
I don't know what chipotle is and i don't know how to pronounce it. And i don't care, either.
i work at an olive garden, and i LOVE how ppl get all upset bc we dont carry cocktail sauce or tarter sauce... no im sorry we are not our "sister store" red lobster.. and no i cant make you some up real quick bc we dont have any of the ingredients to make them other than ketchup... SORRY!!! or the fact we only have RASPBERRY lemonaide and not regular. or the fact we only have ONE major dressing for our salad.. ( house italian) BUT we do have 5 alternative ones ( imma get some hate on disclosing this) ... lite italian, ranch, oil/vinager, caesar, and pepper parmesan
I used to work for an Italian chain in the UK and we only carried 2 different beers and they were bottled.
So this is the conversation I had most shifts with guests:
Guest: Whats beers do you have?
Me: X and Y bottled
Guest: What else?
Me: That's it sir
Guest: What about draught?
Me: Just X and Y bottled
Guest? NOTHING on draught??? What about ciders?
Me: I'm afraid we only have X and Y
Guest: Is that it?
And repeat. Why do they think that I'm witholding information? Why would I lie?
I worked in a pharmacy which at the time did not sell any appliances and was asked on Christmas Eve, around 9pm, if we sold blenders.
I swear though, it seems like they think if they complain enough we'll have it, like we're hiding it from them or something! Lol.
"What have people asked for at your job that you didn't have?"
The solution to a problem created by a) my predecessor or b) the department procedure.
Sorry, fresh out of those.
just yesterday i was asked for a tuna salad sandwich, an egg salad sandwich, and shrimp cocktail (none of which we serve) by a woman who had read our entire menu for over 20 minutes. additionally, this crazypants has done this all three times i've waited on her. also, the restaurant is a brewpub with a creole/new american influenced menu.
people are also routinely surprised that not only do we mostly serve only beers we brew (sometimes have guests from other local breweries), but that we don't have bottled beer. i'm sorry, were you unaware that you were at a brewpub? that's odd, because the phrase "brewing company" appears in our name. did you not walk right by our visibly functioning brewery on the way to your table? really, because that is physically impossible. and fyi, beer doesn't get much more domestic or American than being brewed right in the fucking building.
wow. obviously i have some pent up frustrations.
ok all i am going to say is i freaking love you. your blog has made my day. <3
I work at an italian restaurant. One evening this man plops hiWhat is s ass down at the bar, looks straight at me & orders a cheeseburger w/ fries. After informing him that we don't serve burgers HE ROLLED HIS EYES AT ME!! He rolls his eyes at me & reaches for a menu.
Ummmm.... We're an italian restaurant. Our name is lasagna. I should be rolling my eyes at him!!
On a couple of occasions I've had a large party of 10 or more ready to place their orders and when I get to the last person he looks up at me and asks,"what do you have?".
I envision myself picking up the neatly folded menu infront of him and slapping him across the face and on top his head then briskly walking away.
But instead I'm forced to help this guy make a desicion and tell what the entrees come with, etc...while the rest of his party waits for about 5 minutes more before I can ring in an order.
And to top it off...when I present the check, he asks,"Did you add the tip?"
"No, Sir." I reply.
"Oh, great will you go ahead and add 15% before taxes when you run my card. Thanks."
"............"
Nuff said....lol.
I worked at a place that served brunch on Saturdays and Sundays. I was asked for chicken and waffles. We didn't have chicken OR waffles on the menu let alone a dish of chicken AND waffles.
I also worked once at an Italian place that served "tuscan pork chops" as in the style of Tuscany, Italy. I had a gentleman request "tuscon pork chops" as in Tuscon, Arizona. When I write it, it looks similar but when I say it with the southern accent he used, it totally caught me off-guard!
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WE DO NOT CARRY COKE!!!
People who drink diet coke are addicts....addicts, I tell you. They need rehab, now, because if you are between them and their aspartame, watch out!
I stopped telling people they were drinking pepsi about 3 years ago. I generalize. "Would you like a refill? Diet? I'll be right back."
"Can I get a Coke?" "Absolutely! I'll be right back with that (pepsi)"
We do not have guacamole. Yes, we have avocado, yes we have garlic and cilantro, onions and tomatoes. Will I go mash it up for you? "Sorry, sir/ma'am, as a server I am not allowed in the food prep area."
By the way, I am soooo jealous of servers who get to say no to ranch. OMG, do you really need 6 ramekins of ranch for a 4 oz. order of fries!?! I have an IV in the back, should we just hook you up?
We are a brew-house, NO NO NO, we do not carry Budweiser.
- Expecting the salmon burger (8.99 incl. fries) to be made with a fresh salmon filet when we're in the middle of nowhere in the mountains.
- Wanting sweet tea when we're not in the South.
- Finding the 4.99 chicken nuggets meal an unacceptable substitute for the chicken fingers meal the kid is screaming for.
I work in a healthy south beach kind of vibe place, in a city lots of use refer to as Snobsdale.
No one here wants french fries.
no one here wants ranch dressing.
Every one is pissed that we don't have a regular brie on our cheese bored.
People get so irate over it!
It's a rotating cheese board... it says that on the menu. I tell you the cheese of the week and you say "ok, I want that" or "no, I would rather this" the reaction should not be "how can you not have a brie on the board?! that's not REALLY a cheese board then, it's just slices of cheese and some meat"
...
....
.....
yup.
That's a cheese board.
Idiot.
board* dammit i was trying SO hard not to do that.
I work at a microbrewery, where we only serve our own, house-brewed beers. You wouldn't believe the number of people I talk to where the conversation goes like this:
"I'll have a Bud Light."
"Actually, we're a microbrewery we only have house beers. Here's the list of whats on tap" and I proceed to discuss our available brews.
"Oh, well I guess I'll have a Heinekin."
Did you not just hear me waste my breath telling you all about our microbrews? Once again, just because you have a hankering for beer that's not nearly as good as the ones we serve doesn't mean I can just pull one out of my ass
This is a super late comment, but oh well.
I own a food truck. We serve cupcakes, cheesecakes, French macarons and some specials here and there. I have a GIANT flat screen TV attached to my truck, glowing in blue, clearly labeled with all the options.
I have been asked for:
Funnel cakes
Deep fried oreos (You are not at the fair. Go to hell)
HOT DOGS (Are you kidding me?)
Fried fish. FRIED FISH. My truck is bright pink and blue with pictures of cupcakes and macarons all over it. WTF?
Cotton Candy
Sometimes I don't have macarons. They're difficult. But I just KNOW if I run out and take them off the menu, people will stand in front of the menu for ten minutes and then ask 'what kind of macarons do you have?' NONE. We have NONE. THAT IS WHY IT IS OFF THE MENU.
AUGH.
We dont have:
1 flavored tea 2 ranch dressing 3 steak sauce
4 red bull...should u need these things take ur clueless ass to the grocery store before eating where i work.
I have a little coffee shop and I get the most ridiculous requests with of course the eye roll when we don't have it. My favorites are.. do you have coconut milk for my latte... No we don't have that how ever we do have soy, rice or almond milk... Oh really? God! Well do you have hemp milk?...Nope we have soy, rice or almond... How about hazelnut? do you have hazelnut?? No bitch we don't! Are you even listening to me or are you just wanting to hear your self talk?
Professional Packers & Movers Mumbai. Are a leading company engaged in offering best Packing and Moving Services to our clients, at the most affordable rates @ Packers and movers in Mumbai
Post a Comment