What some customers fail to understand is that restaurants are not supermarkets. We don't have aisles and aisles of food "in the back" that we can just go get if they have a specific request. If we don't sell Coca-Cola products, you are going to have to suck it up and drink a Pepsi. I can't swing over to aisle three and pick up a two-liter Coke for your ass. A woman orders a side of red curry coconut mussels and an an order of fries from me. This is a very quick meal to prepare and within ten minutes, I am happily placing the food in front of her.
"Ah, another satisfied customer," I think to myself.
"Thank you, this looks delicious," she tells me.
"It certainly smells good," I respond. "Is there anything else I can get for you?"
"Yes, just bring me some chipotle mayonnaise and I'm all set."
Chipotle mayo? Where does this bitch think she is? This ain't the Monterrey House, senorita, so don't be asking for no goat's milk candy either. Ay chihuahua!
"I'm sorry, but we don't have chipotle mayonnaise."
The woman lets loose a sigh as if she just heard that her favorite pair of mom jeans has been discontinued and she'll have to do all of her shopping on Ebay from now on.
"Okay, just bring me the mayo and the chipotle sauce and I'll do it myself then."
"We'll, we don't have chipotle sauce either. I can bring you Tabasco sauce if you like."
Immediately, her demeanor changes. She inhales very deeply and exhales through her nose as she puts both of her elbows on the table and rests her head on her hands. She slowly turns her head towards me, her lips puckered and her nostrils flared.
"You don't have chipotle sauce?" she asks incredulously.
Keep in mind, there is no reason we would ever have this elusive chipotle sauce. We are a small bistro with salmon, roasted chicken, burgers and pastas. Nothing on our menu would suggest that we have chipotle sauce, guacamole, corn chips, salsa, tortillas or anything else that one would find at someplace like, I dunno, Chipotle?
"I can bring some Tabasco sauce-"
"Not the same thing!" she interrupts. "Fine. Just bring the mayo. But I can't believe you don't have chipotle sauce."
You know what I can't believe, lady? I can't believe that you are surprised that a little American bistro doesn't have chipotle sauce and that when I told you we didn't have it you had to roll your eyes so hard that your eyeball muscles got a better work out than I did at the gym this morning. I can't believe that your sigh was heavier than my eyelids after a two martinis. I can't believe you acted like settling for plain mayonnaise was the equivalent of settling for a soy burger when you ordered prime rib. I can't believe that I just wrote a whole blog post about fucking chipotle sauce.
Yes, sometimes restaurants don't have what you want. Our refrigerator is not the same as the one at your house. If the restaurant doesn't have something that you want, your only choices are to accept it or go somewhere else. You don't need to do the eye-roll-heavy-sigh thing because no amount of that is going to make me want to go to the grocery store and get it for you. Besides, I offered Tabasco. I know it's not the same thing, but couldn't you have just said, "No thank you?"
And just so you know, we don't have Ranch dressing either, so don't ask.
What have people asked for at your job that you didn't have?
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