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Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Was Alice a Maid or a Waitress?

In honor of Ann B. Davis' 85th birthday, how can I not post about The Brady Bunch? Alice Nelson is the wind beneath my wings. She is the apple of my eye. She is the maid I never had. Let's think back to episode #83, "Goodbye, Alice, Hello." The original air date was November 24, 1972. I was but a wee bitchy waiter then just learning how to carry trays and give attitude to tables. Anyhoo, this is the episode where the Brady kids feel that Alice is a snitch and they don't trust her anymore. Peter broke a vase and when Carol asked Alice who did it, she told the truth and got Peter into major trouble. Then some other shit happens that makes Marcia and Greg think Alice is wronging them so Alice says "fuck all y'all bitches" and she ups and leaves for a new career. As a waitress. Even though that's pretty much all she did for the Brady's anyway. Now I don't know how much money Mike Brady was paying her ass, but it had to have been more than she was making at The Golden Spoon Cafe (at Fourth and Oak). They only show her working one shift at the cafe but there are only a few tables in there and unless she is working 100 hours a week, it ain't gonna cut it. Plus all of a sudden she had to start paying rent and buying groceries. She had it pretty good at 4222 Clinton Way when she was living with the kids. True she had to clean up and cook for eight people but she had her own room, didn't pay rent and got to eat all the leftovers she wanted. Plus the uniform at the Brady residence was way cuter than that piece of shit they made her wear at The Golden Spoon. Who knows, maybe Alice shacked up with her piece of meat, Sam the Butcher during that episode. I mean, how could she quit her job as a maid and then the next day have a new job and an apartment? So the Brady kids feel all bad and shit for making Alice leave and they really hate her replacement, Kay. Kay is all business and won't even play a game of basketball with the boys when they ask her to. What a bitch, that Kay is. One day Greg, Marcia, Peter, Jan, Bobby and Cindy all go to the restaurant to check on Alice and ask her to please come back home with them. And of course she does. She throws her apron off and hugs them and is so excited that she got her old job back and off they go, leaving The Golden Spoon in a lurch because she was the only waitress and she just leaves in the middle of a shift. She totally burned that bridge and I hope she doesn't ever need a reference from Mr. Foster (he's the owner) because he was probably totally pissed off at her for bailing like that. Someone else that was probably royally screwed was Kay. She just started this cushy new job at the Brady's and then Alice decides she wants her job back, so now Kay is unemployed? I dunno, maybe she can talk to Mr. Foster and pick up some shifts at The Golden Spoon.

The fact that Alice left her waitress job to go back to the kids says a lot about waiting tables. Waiting tables must really really suck if she chooses to be a fucking maid for all those people (and Tiger too) rather than sling hash at The Golden Spoon Cafe. Waiting tables ain't easy. Go ask Alice. She knows.

Happy birthday, Ann B. Davis!

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Tiger said...

Don't forget -- Sam the Butcher was helping Alice out with his "meat deliveries".

California Girl said...

OMG you are just so funny.

Are you old enough to remember her on the "Love That Bob" show? She played Schultzie.

mb said...

Total Brady Bunch fanatic here
Great blog,,great post..lovin it.
former food whore

Practical Parsimony said...

After five days away, you are like a breath of fresh air! Several tornadoes hit my town in AL and my neighborhood. By the way, all women are maids and waitresses in their own homes, amongst other jobs they perform.

The Empress said...

Crikey! I had no idea Alice was 85! Totally makes me feel like a nanna but Happy Birthday to her all the same.

Mary A. said...

Alice was totally Mike's secod wife. She did all the work & Carol was the one who pleased him.

G.E. Moon II said...

I have never seen this episode before. Now I am going to have to search for it. Also, now my curiousity has been any of us know what Alice did before she worked for The Brady's?

Yours In Health!

G.E. Moon II

dirtydisher said...

My theory was that Alice had the goods on Mike Brady. She was the only one who knew he was gay and sleeping with Sam the Butcher...who Alice was a beard and cover for. And Mike payed her well. I know that because she had her own bathroom while those stinky 6 kids had to share one. And it was red, white and blue. Eww.

Anonymous said...

And there was no toilet in the kids' bathroom. Double ewww.