- Am I really a middle aged man sitting on the floor of a restaurant that only hours before I had mopped?
- Maybe I should go back to school and get my teaching credentials.
- What path has led me to this? Oh, I know what path it was. It was the "I'm gonna move to New York City and be a famous actor" path. Remember that fork in the road about 15 years ago? You took the wrong turn.
- I really need to quit "trying" to write a book and actually do it.
- Hey, remember that time you were proud to be a waiter?
- Hey, this would be a good blog post.
- Hey, a french fry.
- That baby at the next table thinks I'm having a good time under here.
- I wonder if there are any boogers on the underside of this table and if not, there's about to be because I've got one in my left nostril that has been needing to come out for about ten minutes.
- I should have just left this napkin under here and made Moe get it. He sucks.
- Would anyone notice if I took a nap under here? I mean, other than that baby?
- At least I can't hear that douche tool at the bar yapping away about Toddlers and Tiaras.
- The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side.
- The blood is rushing to my head from being on my knees like this. I need a drink.
"But wait, Mr. Einstein! Tell me more! What should I do? And where do you want me to take your coffee?" But Albert Einstein was gone. I brushed myself off and tossed the napkin into the trash can. I looked at the baby at the next table and said, "Be a doctor, kid." I went on with my night but felt a determination to change my life and quit talking about the things I was going to do, but actually do them. Right after I emptied out the trash cans in the restrooms.
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