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Tuesday, April 24, 2012

The Olive Garden Gets Another Kid Drunk

I don't what is going on at The Olive Garden these days, but it seems like every few weeks they are getting a kid drunk. Just last year, they got  a baby trashed on Sangria.  Last week, a waitress mistakenly served a cocktail to a ten year old who had ordered a non-alcoholic drink called a Wildberry Frullato Smoothie. I don't know what's worse-serving a  ten year-old a cocktail or having something on your menu called a Wildberry Frullato Smoothie. The waitress realized her mistake and told her manager who then told the parents who then freaked the fuck out and took the boy to the hospital and filed a police report, presumably so they are all set up when they call 1-800- I-CAN-SUE. According to a witness, the boy's "eyes were changing. He was feeling sick to his stomach and didn’t want to eat no more.” According to another witness, "That previous witness has poor grammar because she should have said he 'didn't want to eat any more.'" The kid drank about two ounces of the four ounce drink. A police officer at the hospital described the boy as "alert" but "shaken up," which is exactly how I order my martini. Tests revealed that the boy had less than 1% alcohol in his system. Please. I have more than that in my system right now and I haven't had a drink since last night. In fact, when I dip below 1%, my eyes start to change and I don't want to eat no more.

The waitress was fired for the mistake and The Olive Garden released this totally banal statement: "We find this situation completely unacceptable. We are thankful that the child is okay and we will continue to work with the family to resolve this issue." In other words, "We know they are going to sue our asses so we offered them a never-ending salad and unlimited bread sticks for the the rest of the year in the hopes that they will be satisfied with that instead of a billion fucking dollars."

This story brings up a few questions that need answering.

To The Olive Garden: Don't you have specific cups that kid beverages are served in so this doesn't happen?

To the parents: Can't you tell the difference between a big frozen smoothie and a four ounce cocktail?

To the waitress: If I sit in your station and tell you I am ten years old and order a Wildberry Frullatto Smoothie, will you please bring me a Grey Goose Cosmo instead but still charge me for the Wildberry Frullato Smoothie?


To the child: It tasted good, right?


So what can we take away from this so that we can be better servers? We must all be aware that kids do not drink alcohol, people. Don't take a cocktail to anyone who looks under the age of 35 without first asking to see some i.d. If they look like they might still be in grade school, you should definitely ask to see i.d. If they ask for a Wildberry Frullato Smoothie, make sure you don't pick up the Frozen Mudslide instead. And by all means, if you're going to serve alcohol to a minor, do it when they are teething and need a little rum on the gum to calm their little souls. Anything else and you're asking for a big fat lawsuit and and an unemployment claim.

The Olive Garden needs a new slogan: When you're here, we might be trying to get your child trashed.




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24 comments:

jnana said...

Love the questions!

Workingdan said...

What the hell is wrong with people these days? I would have to question the person who hired the server who gave the kid alcohol. Obviously the server's intelligence is in need of questioning. Anybody who hires such an idiot should be fired as well!

I'm taking my kids to the Olive Garden! I just might have a chance to score a few bucks! Hell, I might even get them drunk before we even go...just for good measure!

csabolek said...

"Normal" people would have laughed it off...rather than traumatizing the poor kid and getting the waitress fired. Calling the police? They will definitely sue. As BW pointed out: poor grammar, they're probably dumb white trash who think they've hit the jackpot. Poor kid, poor waitress.

Jesse (Great Grandmother's Kitchen) said...

Wow...

I honestly feel a bit bad for the waitress who got canned. Still...everyplace I've ever worked you would have had someone from the bar intercept for taking a more expensive drink. No one on that end was keeping track of where the booze were going?

Anonymous said...

Hmmmmmmmm I think Jhonny Cash might have been onto something big when he recorded his his hit called A boy named *SUE*

Anonymous said...

When I was a bartender at a chain restaurant, I frequently had leftovers from the Island Oasis machine stuck behind my tip jar in a kid cup. This kept me from killing people who wanted a booth. I would certainly not have let some server mistake it for a chocolate milk and serve it to a cracker fountain!

KB said...

Don't the servers there still wear black and whites with ties? That seems like some kind of clue.

www.DiatribesAndOvations.com said...

The kid was ten ... I imagine it wasn't his first cocktail. I hope the parents don't win a lawsuit because it will set a terrible precedent.

Anonymous said...

I work at an OG as a bartender and have to wonder why a bartender would pour a cocktail in a kids cup?? The servers assume the drink in a kids cup is non-alcoholic, the bartender should be fired not the server.

Noelle said...

Over reacting parents. Stupid lack of procedures at this CHAIN restaurant I mean seriously they should have this down. Certain glassware should never be served to someone under age. Maybe it's managements fault. Maybe the bartender screwed up too.

It would be fun to take the kids and just order a round. :-)

Anonymous said...

what the kid was feeling was joy. And is most likely heated the rents took his booze.

Anonymous said...

Hey bitchy long time reader first time commentor. I work at the garden and I have to say that both the bartender and server are at fault. Also, we instituted a new system recently that all bar beverages come with either a Non alcoholic or alcoholic drink chit. Unfortunately OG also took the hiring protocol online and let's just say it don't weed like a good interview does. However, if you come sit in my section your first drink is on me and we'll put vodka in the frullato. Other than that, keep it bitchy my friend!

NellieVaughn said...

I say it was done on purpose. Can't blame them. Kids are better behaved under the influence.

Anonymous said...

I think Olive Garden is just going to its Italian roots and trying to get Americans to lighten up about alcohol.

TheRealBarman said...

I don't know about y'all, but I'm dressing up in my Batman costume and heading to the Olive Garden to try and get a $3 smoothie cocktail.

One of your best BW.

The RB

Myr said...

My son is 8. I am gonna have to start sipping on his kids cups when we go out to eat, especially with the price of alcoholic beverages @ restaurants. Who needs coupons and lunch specials? I'll save a grip! LMAO
Loved this post.

Practical Parsimony said...

I think some helicopter parents were with the kid. I would NOT have been a happy camper if this happened to my child. I would throw a fit, but would not take him to the hospital.

SkippyMom said...

A four ounce drink? It sounds like a rocks glass and who would put THAT down in front of an eight year old? A small kiddie cup is eight ounces, so I doubt it was served up in one of those.

Who are these buffoons serving these drinks? They can say they don't drink, but you can SMELL alcohol especially if you don't drink. And has anyone ever seen a FOUR ounce SMOOTHIE? That is equivalent to maybe two sips? For what you pay for that the parents would've been bitchin' about serving size [at 4 oz] LONG before junior ever got it to his lips.

Sounds like the parents might have been a few sheets to the wind themselves and now will most certainly sue while in the process screwing up their kid with an unnecessary trip to the ER and what I am sure was a lengthy tirade at the management at OG just to show 'dem dat dey mean bizness. White trash is an understatement in this case. Sigh.

I bet OG starts putting legal disclaimers on their menus and all cups and glassware served. "Parents are responsible for tasting minor's beverages prior to minor's consumption of beverage. Failure to do so will release OG from future damage and result in patrons banishment from future "All you can eat" promotions."

Anonymous said...

I remember when this happened a couple of months ago, the article stating that the mistake was make because OG makes their Sangria and other non-alcoholic specialty mocktails in batches and it would therefore be possible to mix-up the store-and-pours. Oversight, definitely, but malicious intent? Doubtful. I can't believe that between the bartender, the server AND the parents, no one noticed ANYTHING before the kid was drunk, tho.

Anonymous said...

*the article stated that the mistake was *made*...

Wow...I need to proofread before hitting send. *sigh*

Snowblood said...

This post ia ABsolutely hilarious & had me laughing out loud like crazy, which is a big deal, for me. I just discovered Bitchy Waiter! And I LOVE it.

Anonymous said...

Your blog is fucking hilarious...the highlight of my night, exactly what we're all thinking!! I've recommended it to all my industry friends (and non-industry that need help in how to behave)

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