Friday, February 8, 2013

Everyone's a Little Bit Racist

Since the last day or so has been a bit trying and certain people think I am incredibly rude, I want to repost something that shows someone else being an ass for a change.


Although it is not certain, I think I was verbally assaulted by a racist last night. One of my regulars who we all know at work as pretty much crazy was in my station. She is a performer and quite well known but last night she was there as a patron of the arts instead of standing on the stage and screeching out notes that were in her range about a decade ago, but now not so much. She wanted me to know that she had just enjoyed dinner at a Mexican restaurant and she had already sucked down two margaritas. In my attempt to make small talk, I told her that I love Mexican food. She seemed surprised. Like Mexican food was her little secret in the culinary world and she couldn't believe that anyone else had ever heard of the exotic treat "taco." "Sure, I love Mexican food," I told her. "After all, I'm from Texas and I am half Mexican." This comment too seemed to take her by surprise. I wasn't sure which part of the statement was so interesting. I certainly don't appear to be your average Texan since I do not have a drawl nor do I have a gun rack on the back window of my pick-up truck. "You're half Mexican?" She said this after sucking in her breath at an alarming rate. "I had no idea." Now if you knew me, you wouldn't necessarily think I was half Mexican either because I have fair skin and light eyes, but my last name is definitely of Mexican descent. That, and my clinical addiction to tortillas and Tequila should quell any questions about my heritage. Crazy Lady continued. "I can't believe you're half Mexican. You don't seem Mexican at all. You seem all regular." Wait, did this bitch just use the word "regular" to describe my race? Regular in the same way that "nude" pantyhose are flesh colored for white people and the way that Crayons used to have a color called "flesh" that was the color of white people flesh? Awww, hell no. I was about to reach into my pocket, pull out a handful of pinto beans and rub them all up in her gringo face. Do not make me add another tear tattoo under my eye because I may have to kill a bitch. (I will do the tattoo myself with a Bic pen, a needle and lighter.) As I walked away, I heard her say to the table next to her, "Can you believe he is half Mexican?" So now my race is a topic of conversation amongst my whole station.

I personally don't see race. I really don't. I guess growing up as a child who never knew which circle to fill in on the race section of the SAT's and crap made it something of a non-issue for me. I never wanted to check Caucasian and dis my dad or classify myself as Mexican and ignore my Mom, so I always put "other" and moved on. The next time I see Crazy Lady though, I will put on my best Cheech and Chong accent and drive to her table in a low-rider while wearing a big fucking sombrero. I want to make sure she is real clear on the stereotypes of us rice and bean eaters just like she has made it clear for me that all 70 year old female jazz singers in New York City must be racists who have no problem insulting me right to my half-Mexican face.

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Unknown said...

Hahaha We used to have a crazy lady like that at a restaurant i worked at,... we used to play rock paper sissors to see who had to take her. One time Alfredo got her (he's black) and she tols him that she wanted a White female waitress. Needless to say he was ok with it knowing he would never have to wait on her again. I used to love pissing her off and getting her all crazied up by bringing up gun control and shit, i liked to keep mysel entertained on Sundays...... God i miss that lady LOL

mingaling said...

I totally get the same response when I tell people I'm half Chinese (no way! you look spanish!) that supposed to be better? Why would you even say that?

And it seriously is annoying trying to fill anything out that doesn't have an "other" category. Literally 50% caucasian, 50% asian does not translate to "Asian American"

Anonymous said...

It is funny we have the conversation all the time about whether or not we are racsict in the restuarant, because I (and every other server, whether they admit it) most definitely stereotype after ten years in the same place. But it covers everyone. People with kids (too many kids) old folks and many other types. What really gets my panties in a bunch is when people act and encourage a said negative stereotype about their race/religion/gender/sexuality/age group. I refuse to ever become one of the toddy, look my nose down, catty middleaged women (see a stereotype):) And since I would appear as a skinny bitch from far, I make sure to be super nice, super patient and super tipping.

nahidworld said...

If you are people-oriented and like servicing others, being a waitress can be a great job choice for you. There are four types of waitress jobs : buffet, catering, cocktail, and dinning.

Anonymous said...

Le hubieras dado un pinche cachetadon, como los que da don ramon del chavo del 8. In all honesty, im mexican and also work in an upscale restaurant but this wouldnt have incomadate one bit, lady just give me your tip, im here to take your damn money! Not to hear your bullshit.

Lolamouse said...

I get the same kind of reaction when some people find out I'm Jewish (although with my nose, I don't see how anyone is surprised! Is that racist?) Love the Ave. Q ref!

Anonymous said...

Pinche babosa

maxi said...



Rogue Wino said...

That's hilarious, and pretty funny that many people don't know that people from Mexico come in all different colors, like people from the US do. Most of the Mexican dudes I work with right now are are light skinned with blue eyes. What a crazy beech.

Anonymous said...

Awwweee I don't feel so lonely anymore after reading this.
Sometimes I feel like wearing a Name tag saying:
"Hi I am Karen, I have been working here for 8 years, I am 26years Old, I do have a boyfriend and my lovely accent is from Mexico"

Mary A. said...

Pinche pendeja. . .

I love swearing in Spanglush.

I live in South Texas and I am 99% Irish which means I am white. Like wonder bread white. Well, pink actually. Too much sun in the '80s.

Anyway. . .being wonder bread, I soak up whatever culture I am around. (Except white trash. I have fucking standards).

So I can get ALLL Meskin in that Puta's caro for you 'Mano.

Estan Bueno?

Anonymous said...

The next time I see Crazy Lady though, I will put on my best Cheech and Chong accent and drive to her table in a low-rider while wearing a big fucking sombrero.


I look Irish and my last name (which is my real name) is Spanish. People say some dumbass things don't they?

My favorite is when someone thought I was related to the Menendez brothers, member them?

They murdered their parents with a shotgun.
"Why yes, yes I am related! What's it to you?" (I didn't really say that, but wanted to!)

ColleenSMASH said...

I have experienced kind of the opposite/same thing... not sure how to even label it-
I'm in AZ (I hate sheriff Joe, would love to hear his fat ass finally keeled over due to massive coronary, please don't hate me anyone that hates him. Please hate me if you love him.)

just the other day:

"ohhhh, you must have some Mexican in you somewhere Colleen! You LOVE chilies!"

I'm like, "dude... I'm so white the whites of my eyes look dark. I like chilies." "NO, I don't drink milk. What's the problem? stop looking at me like a confused dog."

And my next thought was "Since when do Mexican's determine their genes solely by chili consumption?"

The whole thing felt like such a weird race interaction, but I suppose he could have been making reference to heritage...

Then I just laughed and went to finish rolling, because it's true, we are all a little racist. And I know that it comes from a good place when things like that are said 99% of the time.

Haruka said...

Hey Bitchy, I wondered what your opinion was on this:

Laura said...

As a redheaded full German Jew with small features I tend to astound people when they find out my religion...

"Youre Jewish? But your nose is so small!"

These exact words. And fuck you I'm not Irish. OR a leprechaun although that's sooo funny sir, ha-fuckin-ha never heard that one before! P.s. love your blog

Josh A. said...

Personally I find a huge difference between being racist and making stereotypes. If my friend says "I got jewed" or "Stacey must be a horrible driver" (she's Korean) we are making jokes amongst friends using stereotypes. I make jokes like that all the time but obviously not unless I know someone. I told my gay buddy Calvin about Louis C.K.'s routine on gays (I won't use the word here b/c I don't know you) and he thought it was funny too. I guess you just have to know where the line is.

Unknown said...

Love the blog. My wife and I both served in our younger days and always respect the crazy, challenge that often-unacknowledged waiters face as they take care of their customers!

20% and a smile for good service is typical . . . plus more for anything extra (dealing with our young'un; free seltzer re-fills; take-aways).
And the racist thing? WTF?! Who cares {"I didn't know you were 1/4 Italian")? We all come from someplace and it's who we are right now that matters!
Btw, I used to live in Texas and know that many many Texans with Mexican heritage are part of the "first families of Texas" and should be proud of it. Texas wouldn't be such a great State if it wasn't for its cultural and economic ties with Mexico.

Anonymous said...

Hahaha. this reminds me of our crazy man. He is hispanic. crazy. orders the same thing every night for two years then when we get a new waitress he changes it just to be an ass! He drinks Bud light and has the four wings and shrimp fried rice. yes. Ahispanic in a chinese restaurant. I personally prefer hispanics to.white people. im white. back woods. down home. thick drawl, hey yall, kinda gal. born and raised on the farm ya know? But my children are half chinese and my youngest daughter is half Mexican. I dont see race. i see a human whose insides are the same as mine. God just forgot to bake me as long as them. lol.

tattoos designs said...

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Anonymous said...

To the person who said everyone stereotypes a little while serving, so true. We used to joke that none of us were prejudiced till we started waiting.

I also agree that I hate the thought of being stereotyped myself because of other people ruining my "category's" reputation. As a young mom I know almost every waiter I get takes one look at me in my flip flops, my fiance in his ratty Converses, and our baby carrier, and does a mental "Fuck this shit" motion. Or a real one in the kitchen, out of my eyesight.

We make it a point to tip our servers, baristas, even our Sonic CarHops (who also only make 2.13 an hour) very generously, and we prebus the table as much as we can for them too, to offset the young people, parents or not, who ruin our reputation. We order water and skip the appetizer if that's what it takes to be able to leave a great tip. At Christmastime we also leave a pack of cigarettes and an ABC store giftcard.

I've also had to write apology notes and leave "sorry my 20-something-year-old friend is a cheap ass" tip increases, because there's a reason stereotypes exist, and for some reason I'm friends with quite a few.