that receipt, a lovely woman by the name of Alois Bell, scratched out the 18% gratuity that had been added to her large party and left a big fat zero instead. On the check, she wrote, " I give God 10%. Why do you get 18." She also added that she is a pastor, I guess so that the server would know that not only was her customer a cheap bitch, she was also filled with God's love. Anyhoo, Chelsea took the picture, posted it on online and Pastor Alois Bell got wind of it when an angel whispered into her ear, "Alois, honey, the whole world is finding out that you don't tip because that busted down note you left on your receipt at Crapplebee's is going viral. God also told me to tell you that he is super proud of the 15-member congregation that you have amassed in your store-front church in the strip mall between the 99 Cent Store and Bob's Beauty Barn. Bless you, girl."
Well, Alois didn't like that word of God at all. She huffed and puffed and did a little bit of speaking in tongues and she called Applebee's to complain about it. She also wanted to to tell them that she left six dollars in cash on the table and of course everyone believes that, right? Sure you did, Alois. Everyone who bitches about added gratuity always leaves cash instead. Applebee's looked into the matter and consequently fired Chelsea for violating their social media policy.
What can we learn from this? We can learn one thing that so many of us already know: serving the after-church crowd is very seldom worth it. In the early 90's,when I worked at Bennigan's which is the second cousin, once removed of Applebee's, every Sunday night we got a crowd of Pentecostals who came in. They would fill the restaurant and everyone wanted to get half orders and separate checks. Every single person wanted a cherry in their water or extra something. They would swoop in like a swarm of locusts and leave us with crap tips and the restaurant totally rearranged. We didn't call them "The Pennies" for nothing.
We also can confirm that working at Applebee's sucks. Not only does it bring in clientele like Pastor Alois Bell, but they also make you sign a social media policy that makes it wrong to post a photo of the stupid shit you have to deal with. Our hearts go out to Chelsea who is now back on the streets looking for work. Meanwhile, Pastor Alois Bell is looking around to see who else she can get fired. Her dry cleaner gave her the stink eye a couple of days so she is probably about to call the corporate office and get that bitch fired too. Alois also did not like that when she went to the Piggly Wiggly last week, the butter that was supposed to be on sale was sold out and they didn't give her a rain check coupon or nothing. Alois has plans to get Piggly Wiggly fired and then fry his ass up and drop him into a pot of beans that she will serve at her next church social. (Spoiler alert #1: Piggly Wiggly already has another job lined up as the new spokespig for Porky Food Service Products. Spoiler alert #2: Nobody likes to go to Alois' church socials because it's too hard to find a parking spot at the strip mall since Sundays are the days that Supercuts has their "buy one haircut get a blow out for free" sale. Spoiler alert #3: beans at a church social are never a good idea.)
Thank you to everyone who sent this in to me. And Alois? If you're reading this (because you know she is getting a lady boner over all this free publicity), I promise to never go to your church if you promise to never come to my restaurant. Thanks, honey. And in the future, let's let God do the talking about tipping. I have a feeling He has bigger concerns.
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