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Thursday, March 28, 2013

No Reservations, Please

At the restaurant I work in, we do not take reservations. No matter how whiny and petulant a guest will get, we still won't do it.

"But please? It's gonna be my mom's 70th birthday and there will be fifteen of us. We just don't wanna have to wait when we get there. We'll be there at 7:30, I promise. Please? Pretty please??"


"I don't understand why not. Don't you want my business?"

This conversation happens at least once a week.

The truth is, Ms. Whiny, we don't need your reservation because we can fill those tables without having to keep them empty for an hour before you say you will get there, that's why. So put your name on the list and have a seat at the bar and we'll call you when your fucking table is ready. Oh, and happy birthday to your mom.

Customers don't understand that a reservation for fifteen can kill a whole evening if the restaurant is as small as mine. In order to keep those fifteen seats open for a 7:30 reservation, that means we can't seat them past 6:45, and that's pushing it. At 7:30, four people will show up and then at 7:35 three more and by 7:45 maybe ten people will be there. They will spread out in the space that we saved for fifteen people and than at 8:00 they will finally tell us, 'I guess nobody else is coming so we'll go ahead and order now." The problem is that there are now ten people sitting at a table for fifteen and those five seats are going to be useless for the rest of the evening. They will leave at 10:00 and we will never have gotten to turn that table over even once. I'd rather see seven deuces that I can turn and burn and reset the tables and do it again.

A restaurant in Beverly Hills called Red Medicine takes reservations but if you skip out on it, get ready for a little bit of Twitter shame. According to NBC Los Angeles, the manager has taken to Tweeting out the names of people who make reservations and then don't show up.

When someone named Kyle Anderson bailed on his res, they tweeted, "I hope you enjoyed your gf's bday and the flowers that you didn't bring when you no-showed for your 8:15 res. Thanks." Of course, Kyle Anderson probably never saw this Tweet and if he did he probably didn't care because he was too busy trying to decide if his girlfriend would rather have red carnations for her birthday or pink roses with tons of baby's breath. Truth be told, most blow up dolls would rather go with the carnations since the thorns on roses can be dangerous for them. Keep that in mind, Kyle.

Of course there are plenty of people who think what the restaurant is doing is wrong. I, however, freakin' love it. When I worked at the Marriott, I hated when people made reservations and then didn't show up. I would always call and leave some passive aggressive message on their answering machine.

"Hello, Mr. Anderson. This is BW calling from the Brooklyn Marriott about your 1:00 brunch reservation. It's 1:15 now and I just wanted you to let you know that your table is ready and I am waiting for you. I hope you're on your way and that everything is alright. If you've decided to not come, a phone call would have been nice." 

My manager out a stop to that. They're just lucky I didn't have this blog back then.

But why shouldn't we shame these people who skip out on a reservation? If we make an appointment for a massage or with a doctor and we don't show up, we are hit with a cancellation fee. It's not like Red Medicine is charging them money when they don't show up, it's just doing a little bit of good old-fashioned public shaming. Think back to Nathaniel Hawthorne's' opus, The Scarlett Letter. When Hester had to wear that big red "A' on her dress to announce to the village that she was a big ol' whore, I bet it taught her a lesson, don't you think? Maybe Kyle Anderson will think twice the next time he's gonna blow off a dinner reservation. And speaking of "blowing off," I hope he had a wonderful night with his girlfriend.

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JoeinVegas said...

But please, please, the twelve of us will be there right at 7

Georgette said...

Tra Vigne in St. Helena when Michael Chiarello ran the joint eons ago used to take a credit card number when you made a reservation. I am sure a small no show charge was run on the card if needed.

Rogue Wino said...

I had a reservation for a 15 top get double booked one night, because two different people from the party called in. Pretty much f'ed up my night.
I miss the simplicity of not doing reservations

Anonymous said...

What we sometimes get is a booking for 10 people and about 20 show up without telling us in advance that more people are coming. My parents' restaurant is small so bookings are sometimes essential so we can plan how many people we can accommodate, but we get so much drama either way. If a customer doesn't book and comes in to a full restaurant, they crack it and ask why nobody told them they had to book (because when you rang up for the specials, I was to know that you were interested and you were coming, yeah...not!)

Anonymous said...

I think this blog is pretty funny but I also find it pitiful that you cannot get a real job beyond waiting tables. Lol. I guess someone's gotta do it.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous- serving requires intelligence, social skills, problem solving, multitasking and inner motivation. I think its one of the most real jobs there are. It certainly pays my bills and then some at about 40k a year and that's at a chain. I know your type I've waited on 10,000 of you.

Jim said...

@ Anonymous
April 4, 2013 at 8:59 AM & May 25, 2013 at 11:18 AM:
What's a "real job?" comparing "Realness" has to be one of the stupidest things ive heard. all jobs are real, unless you live in your own special fantasy world.

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Avery Ahrens said...

Yes bc morons can memorize the tons of menial crap you privlidged, whiny, selfish assholes demand with a smile on their face as youre talking to them like complete garbage, make sure you ask for ranch the min she returns with the ketchup you requested 30 seconds before then tip $3 on a $100 order that you rudely walked in 15 deep and she had to frantically push together tables in preperation for. Really funny you assume shes stupid and needs a real job but you apparently have one in your eyes and yet it didnt teach you compassion, class, humility or to judge others jack ass.

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roth phallyka said...

I think this blog is pretty funny but I also find it pitiful that you cannot get a real job beyond waiting tables. Lol. I guess someone's gotta do it.



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