A comment reached out and poked me in the eye today and I am going to poke that bitch right back. Although I have been working my flat ass off for the last couple of weeks learning a new job leaving me precious little time to write, some comments are bold enough to pull me to the keyboard and respond. In this post about a waitress I had who may or may not have had an eye missing, someone wrote:Before I clicked the link, I was honestly about to email you and offer a place to stay in the Annapolis area should you be back again. I clicked the link to see where you ate and was sadly disappointed at this ignorant post. She should cover her eye because you're uncomfortable. You freakin' faggot. And, yes, I am also family but you deserve to be called an ugly, horrible name for this insensitive post. Fuck you and your blog. I hope you lose a leg which would mean no waiting tables, you sorry fuck.
Ouch. The post about the possibly-one-eyed waitress was admittedly mean and it was brought to my attention by other readers after I posted it. I reread it the day after and thought, "Man, I am one big asshole. It's a good thing this blog isn't called Sentimental Sally Sweetly Waits Tables." I didn't delete it though, because I don't do that. Once it's up, it's up. And then a year later this guy has to comment and make me relive the horror of when I made fun of a waitress who may or may not have had one eye missing. I guess the worst thing about this comment is realizing that the next time I go to Annapolis, I won't be able to stay with this complete stranger who was very close to emailing me and offering me a place to stay. Darn. You mean I can't stay with you and sleep in the bunker you built underneath your house with walls covered in pictures of Jodi Foster, Silence of the Lambs and dirty aprons? Shoot, darn! And not only do I no longer have a place to stay (other than a hotel, bed and breakfast or with the people I know who live there) now he wants me to lose a leg too? Harsh, indeed. And from family, too!
I always like it when people tell me how insensitive and rude I am by being insensitive and rude. It makes it mean so so much more. And if I were to lose a leg, I would totally keep waiting tables. I would hobble my ass over to table 3 and show them that I am not handicapped. I would be handi-capable! And if crutches were not working for me, I would get a mobility scooter and prove that you don't have to have legs to be the best goddamn waiter you can be! I would become master of the pity tip.
Thank you for your comment. I'm sorry that it offended you and please accept this most sincere apology, crazy stalker type. Take care. And good luck with your one eye.
Love,
The Bitchy Waiter
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10 comments:
You do call yourself the "bitchy" waiter for a reason. I always assume you write your posts with tongue planted firmly in cheek (BTW, have you checked out the webcom "Husbands"?) and read them with that in mind. Sorry about your losing a place to stay with a total stranger, though. I'll offer up my house, although you've met me once, so it's not quite as creepy.
You are a pissah ! I'm old enough to be your gradma and I just retired from waitressing last year (mostly Greek Diners) but you are welcome to stay with me in Howard Beach, Queens.
I'll even take you on the gangster tour! Thanks for all the laughs.
The Hag!
BW, there's a difference between bitchy and mean. That post wasn't bitchy, it was just plain mean. I wasn't the waitress who may or may not have had just one eye, but reading it made me feel like that high school drama kid who was tormented by the bully group. I think it's the undeserved name calling...
I'm pretty sure you aren't that bully, though. You just made a post you thought was amusing/bitchy, and it came across mean. That doesn't make you a bad or mean person, it just makes you human. It wasn't the first time, I doubt it will be the last, but your fans and friends are going to be just as fond of you as ever :)
Wait why has no one commented on the "I was going to offer you a place to stay" part.
I totally work with a one-legged waiter. Apparently Mr. Annapolis has never heard of prosthetics.
His response could have been right on the money, but then he pulled out the abuse. Dude -- know when to stop! (yeah -- look who's talkin')
I was at a diner once, and the waiter was perfectly nice and gave good service. But he had a single, thick, black hair growing out the bottom of his jaw, all curled and scraggly for about 4 inches. It just made me want to hurl. And then tweeze the hell out of it. It wasn't anything personal, but visceral. So I do understand your reaction to a lady with skin growing over her eye. But I'm pretty sure her name wasn't Ol' One Eyed Wilma...
I once had a waiter at a diner who was very nice and gave fine service. But he had a single, thick, black, gnarly hair growing out the bottom of his jaw about 4 inches. It just made me want to hurl. It wasn't anything personal against him, just a visceral reaction. So I understand your reaction to a woman with skin grown over her eye. But I'm pretty sure her name was Ol' One Eyed Wilma.
Just read the original post and had the best laugh I've had in a long time! I guess that makes me horrible too, but it was so relatable. Sometimes you just can't be politically correct all the time.
For me, The "comment card" comment is far more offensive than your post.
Nice article love to read the whole new way of your writing this things.
Mario
www.gofastek.com
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