You know the old saying that you never get a second chance to make a first impression? Well, such is the case with a couple of people at my new job. I have a manager who we shall refer to as Alexandria who made a very strong first impression on my first day at the job and that impression would be one of true ice queen bitch from fucking hell. What is it with restaurant managers who think they are so superior to everyone else?
So it was my first shift meeting and I am getting bombarded with all kinds of information that either I don't understand or don't give a shit about. And then Alexandria had something to say. Let me paint a picture of her so you can imagine what I have to look at. She dresses like Holly Hobbie grew up and started shopping at Anthropologie and she put on a special outfit for a Stevie Nicks concert. She wears glasses on the tip of her nose, all the better to peer over them in a condescending manner. She must have a lemon stuck up her ass, because her face is in perpetual sourpuss mode and she has a stick up there too which must have gotten there when she was trying to extract that piece of citrus fruit from her bunghole. You know what they say: when life gives you lemons, you shove it up your asshole. I don't like her. So she says, "Okay, so during opening side work this morning, someone thought they would put their iPod into our system and listen to their own music. That is not acceptable. The music that is played in here also plays in the mezzanine of our neighboring store." (We share a space with a fancy retail store.) "Not okay." Then another manager (we'll call him Lispy Gay) says, "Yeth. Now at night I thimply don't thay anything becauth the sthore ith clothed. But during the day, we abtholutely cannot do that." Now my thought was this: if you allow it at night and have never told anyone that it is not alright to do during the day, how in the hell is anyone supposed to know that vital piece of information? Then Alexandria, pulls the iPod from her crocheted vest pocket and asks who it belongs to. A server raised his hand and apologized. "Don't let it happen again," she hissed. And then she tossed the iPod across the bar and let it bounce a few times before coming to rest in front of the vilified server. She threw it. Was there a reason for that shit? It was an honest mistake and she could have broken the fucking iPod just because she wanted to toss her authority around. All of the servers said a collective "oooh" when it hit the bar. Alexandria pushed her glasses back up her nose and then readjusted in her bar stool presumably to see if it was time for the lemon to fall out of her ass hole. It's not time. And it never will be time. That lemon is there for eternity.
As I have mentioned before, I will not be telling anyone there about this blog so I can continually rake them over the coals without them knowing about it. Stay tuned for more first impressions of Lispy Gay, another bitch manager we will call Linda Evans and anyone else who gets on my fucking nerves. A new crappy job may be the best thing that could have happened for this tired ass blog.
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