Monday, March 25, 2013

White Zinfandel is Fancy

Two women are sitting at Booth 3, presumably on a "Girls Night Out." Under the misleading idea that wearing all black would be slimming and that sequins class things up, it is clear that these girls are ready to party.

"Hello, ladies. Can I get you anything to drink tonight? A Pear Cosmo? Or maybe a glass of wine?"

'We were thinking of ordering a bottle of wine, actually but we don't usually order a whole bottle. What do you suggest?" one of them asks.

I cringe at the question because I am the first to admit my lack of wine knowledge. In the types of restaurants I usually punch in at, bottles of wine are not a top seller. Seven years of serving breakfast and lunch didn't really require me to know a lot about bottles of wine.

"Well, would you like red or white?" I ask.

"What's the difference?"

I do a mental face palm and realize that even though I grew up drinking Boone's Berry Farm and California Coolers, I am practically a sommelier compared to these girls.

"Red is served room temperature and white is served cold," seems to satisfy their quest for wine knowledge.

The ladies hem and haw trying to decide what to get when they finally ask me the most important question that anyone who is ordering a bottle of wine can ask:

"Can we get a taste of the White Zinfandel?"

A taste of the White Zinfandel? What are you tasting it for, to see if it's tastes like ass? I can tell you right now, it does. It will taste like Mr. Kool-Aid took a piss inside a wine bottle and then shit out a couple of Splendas. It will taste like a raspberry Fla-vor-Ice that was in the freezer too long and got a mean case of freezer burn and then sat outside in the sun for two days. It will taste as bad as your make-up looks.

"Absolutely, I will be right back with a taste of our finest White Zinfandel."

I return moments later with two glasses. It would have been sooner, but the bartender had to dig deep into the reach-in to find a bottle of our finest White Zinfandel. It was behind the whipped cream, the huge jar of olives and an old container of yogurt that the hostess had left in there about two weeks earlier.

I place the glasses before the ladies who each pick one up and sniff inside giving their olfactory senses a a workout trying to decipher between a "subtle floral aroma" and "nasty ass whiff of Hawaiian Fruit Punch."

They swirl the wine around in their glasses and hold it up to the light to see if it "has legs." Finally, they let it wash over their taste buds and I await their reaction.

"Hmmm, I think I like it, what do you think?" one says to the other.

"It tastes really good. That is a very nice bottle of wine. I say we go for it."

They do indeed "go for it" spending a whopping $28 for a bottle of our finest White Zinfandel. They pair it with a hummus plate and spinach artichoke dip, because these bitches are fancy like that.

When they are done, the bottle is empty and they tell me how much they loved the wine. I can't really judge because I have been known to drink wine out of a box, champagne out of a can and a margarita out of a plastic to-go cup on the Q32 bus. What I can do though is write a blog post about the two ladies at Booth 3 who think that a bottle of White Zinfandel is a sophisticated night on the town.



Click here to follow The Bitchy Waiter on Twitter.
Click here to find The Bitchy Waiter on Facebook.



215 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   201 – 215 of 215
seoindonesia said...

poker idn

Merajul said...


Excellent! I love to post a comment that "The content of your post is awesome" Great work. Thanks for Sharing This Article.
It is very so much valuable content. I hope these Commenting lists will help my website.fnx™-45

Unknown said...

Wonderful, this is more than I expected. Thanks,winchester usa forged review this is exactly what I was looking for. This is so great I don’t need to make any revisions to it at all. Thank you so much for such a wonderful blog. I’m really thankful to you for this informative

Unknown said...


Our site Shroom2gostore is pleased to welcome you. Organic Magic Shrooms has the best and most comprehensive variety of Magic
Mushrooms, Microdoses, Mushrooms, Psilocybe Cubensis, Psilocybin, and Edibles on the market.golden teacher capsules

Anonymous said...

I’m amazed, I must say. Rarely do I come across a blog that’s both equally educative and engaging, and let me tell you, you have hit the nail on the head. The problem is something which not enough people are speaking intelligently about. I’m very happy I found this in my search for something relating to this. However, Discover an amazing gucci handbags replica luxury collection of high-quality, many women love to buy designer replica shoes on this online store BestReplica.

Prescription Meds said...

Moreover, a range of factors often contributes to an individual’s use of drugs. This may involve combining several treatment approaches, such as buprenorphine maintenance, A-PHP Powder counseling, alternative or holistic therapies such as massage and naturopathic treatment, and developing a positive support network including peers, family and friends, and support groups. visit our site buprenorphine for sale

ANAK DEWA said...

Slot Online
Judi Slot
Bartenderslot
Judi Pulsa
Slot Online Terpercaya
Puja88

Unknown said...

Daftar Situs Judi Online Terbaik Dan Terpercaya warkop66

36SLOT said...

Situs Slot Tergacor daftar sekarang claim bonus 2 juta | Deposit Minimal Rp.10.000,-
Link Login : www.36slot.com
Link daftar: https://167.172.69.35/register?ref=OABAAAE0001

Anonymous said...

Very knowledgeable blog……Thanks for the sharing very useful information awesome, thank you for this article really helped me a lot of. Anyway, If you’re looking to purchase Louis Vuitton Keepall Bandouliere 45 in monogram canvas. Then please visit in dreampurses for fake louis duffle bag

female to male spa in Majestic said...

Hey my self Madhuri i have 3 years of experience in Body to Body Massage services. I gave 100% satisfied service to to our customers through our best spa center IZSPA in Bangalore.Visit female to male spa in Majestic

Deepika Agarwal said...

It's nice to connect with other bloggers, and you really have lots of good reads in your blog. I at reputed packers and movers in bangalore relate to it a lot

vignesh said...

nice content, thanks for sharing
https://vmsdcc.co.in/

BGIBOLA said...

Jangan lewatkan momen-momen seru pertandingan sepakbola dan bola basket. Kunjungi BGIBOLA NOBARTV sekarang juga untuk streaming live yang berkualitas.

Anonymous said...

Calm down.

«Oldest ‹Older   201 – 215 of 215   Newer› Newest»