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Saturday, July 2, 2011

French Fries With a Side of Blood, Please

I have a love/hate relationship with Cracker Barrel. I love their cheesy hash browns but hate that they are a wee bit homophobic. As I have said before though, biscuits and gravy trumps gay rights and I give them my hard-earned dollars on occasion when I feel the need to clog my arteries. There is one particular Cracker Barrel that I will not be going to anytime soon. It's the one in Kingwood, Texas that recently served some french fries with a side of blood. Click here for the real story or just read my recap:

Basically, a lady ate half her order of fries before she noticed that some of them had red splatters on it. She called the waitress over to ask what it was, the waitress was like "Oh, my God, Oh my God" and took it to the kitchen. She came back and said that the cook had cut his hand and he got some blood on her french fries but he had a Band-Aid on it now, so it was all good. Lady freaked out. Cracker Barrel sent her an apology and a gift card for $100. Lady not satisfied and called the press.

Okay, what? Does Cracker Barrel think that this lady is going to satisfied with a lame ass $100 gift card? This is the United States of America, Cracker Barrel. You better dig a little deeper than that. This lady just ate some blood at your restaurant. That is the equivalent of a hitting the lottery. She is going to take your ass to court and get $2.2 million dollars, her own Cracker Barrel franchise, a rocking chair for every room of her home and a lifetime supply of Moon Pies. She wanted a blood test run on the cook but there was no legal reason to do it. Besides, the cook was probably too busy taking smoke breaks and not washing his hands to be bothered anyway. The disgusted diner said she was discussing the matter with a lawyer and her doctors. "I pray to God there's nothing wrong with me," she said. After that she rubbed her hands in front of her face while grinning and thinking about how she will finally be able to get that double wide trailer she has had her eye on for the last six years and also have enough money to go back to cosmetology school.

I must admit, bloody french fries are pretty nasty. No one who goes to Cracker Barrel really gives a shit about their health as evidenced by what's on the menu, but that doesn't mean they are cool with eating the blood of an undocumented food service worker. Cracker Barrel really dropped the ball on this one. By just sending the waitress back out with an "it's all good" they gave the impression that it didn't matter to them. This will be used as ammunition when she gets their ass to court. The manager should have made a huge deal about it, called 911 and got an ambulance in there so the lady thought that Cracker Barrel really cares about their customers. Instead, they sent her that lame ass gift card and a note: "Roses are red, violets are blue. You ate blood, too bad for you. xo, Cracker Barrel" They fucked up.

On the bright side, with the recent popularization of vampires due to Twilight and True Blood, Cracker Barrel can expect an uptick in sales due to the mass number of goth kids and Twihards who will come in and order french fries.



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13 comments:

CarrieAnn said...

Holy shit. I can't think of anything else to say.

Anonymous said...

Bitchy Waiter you are Hilarious! Loved the note they "sent" with the gift card!

Liss said...

I love you bitchy. You're hilarious. Love your writing style.
I may comment only once a year but since i found you, i have you bookmarked and i read every single one of your posts. Everyday. Kisses from toronto!

lee said...

i think it was the waiter's faulty- the bloody fries should have gone to the table next them.

i hope blood doesn't replace ranch dressing as america's new hip sauce.

ChiTown Girl said...

Oh my bloody hell!! This is the most disgusting thing I've ever heard!! WTF?!?! I would have NEVER let them take that plate away. Those fries would have gone home in my purse, so I could have my own testing done on the blood. OMG, I think I just threw up a little in my mouth!!

Megan O'Neil-Bajorek said...

You are so funny. I loved every word of this.

Rosie said...

Well that makes me wanna go out to eat.... yeah no way Im ever ordering fries and ketchup!! EVER!

Adam hawthorne said...

My STARS! What if that poor soul caught that hiv or the aids from Cracker Barrel french fries?!?

I hope that after she takes them to court they at least ask for their gift card back.

Noelle said...

YUCK! The new clientele of goth and vampires might cure a little homophobia.

Maria said...

Am I the only one who wondered how in the world she didn't notice the blood? I mean, fries don't come to the table pre-ketchuped.

I don't know the likelihood of the customer getting AIDS through ingestion of blood, but if the cook is a Zombie, she is SO SCREWED.

Bareftgardener said...

Dear God I just ate there a week before this happened...never again! The service isn't all that great and the food is meh anyway. I don't get why the parking lot still remains packed to this day 0.o

Steverino said...

Once helped a friend run wires for camera’s in the Mc Donald’s by the Third Ave Bridge / Willis Ave<NYC…A real nasty ugly ghetto beyotche… came into the restaurant and said " Who da fuck cooked myze mutha fuck'n hambeerger, this shit be cold!"….This ugly look'n ho then threw the hamburger full force at the cashier….smashing her in the face.. she then said " I'ze wants a new hamburger, Mutha Fucka before I go off in this place, you don't know me"…..the cashier then picked up the hamburger and gave it to the cook…..The cook said " I'm sorry miss! I'll make u a new hamburger"…..the cook took the cold hamburger unwrapped it hocked up a louggy and blew it or spit it onto the hamburger… rewrapped the hamburger thre it into a microwave and gave it to the customer…. I would'nt have beleived it if I had'nt seen it for myself

Mongo said...

I once saw a worker in Mc donald's clean a bathroom in which someone blew diarhea all over the toilet, wall and floor with a bucket....afterwards used shitty bucket was placed at the doorway to the kitchen....another worker picked up the shit laced bucket and poured it over the grill, thinking it was clean water....d-e-e-s-t-g-u-s-t-i-n-g!