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Friday, July 22, 2011

A Comment on Comments

Oh goody, a comment on comments! These are the posts where I can switch to automatic-pilot and let my brain flow freely to my two fingertips as I hunt and peck on the keyboard and say whatever I want. A wise old soul commented on Beware of Possible Robot Children. Of course their comment had nothing to do with what the post was about, but I would expect nothing less from a random Internet commenter who continues to regularly read my blog despite making it very clear they do not like it or me.

Tagtag writes:

your a credit to society sir, and an hiv peddling scrunt. I select you to be the new caboose of the human centipede. most of all, just hope your life really is as painful and sad as you make it seem. cut the shit. where do you go from here ? your not getting younger. cant wait tables forever. that acting career panning out? didnt think so. just saying. maybe spend a little less time writing and a little more time figuring out what a washed up old hag like your good self can do in his autumn years. just lookin out breh... scroodly noodles ;:))

Okay, first off, there is "your" and "you're." They mean two completely different things. If you plan to insult me, I would always recommend that the very first word of the insult be spelled correctly. Otherwise, it makes your comment seem pointless and it will make people think that you're not very bright. You made the mistake twice in your comment. Just saying. Also, punctuation and capitalization have a purpose. Learn it.

Next up, I applaud the use of the word scrunt. I have never heard of that word and I really really like it. I will use it as my own from now on so I will always thank you for that, tagtag. However, I am not peddling HIV. It's impossible to sell something that one does not have, so my sales permit for peddling HIV was denied. Not that I know anyone who is on the market for HIV anyway. That would be a very poor choice of something to peddle. I do not recommend it. On the bright side, I heard that your license for peddling the herp was recently approved so good luck with that! You will be great at it, I am sure. I know you can do it.

Thirdly, I get to be the new caboose of the human centipede? Thank you so much. Can you please connect me to the previous caboose of the human centipede so I can get some pointers? I certainly do not want to disappoint and I am sure they would be very helpful in explaining my new role in life. (You're the previous caboose, aren't you?)

Also, you hope my life is as painful and sad as I make it seem? Sorry to disappoint you, dear, but it's not. I'm actually a pretty happy person. I have it good. I only work about 25 hours a week and have a lot of free time. I travel, live, laugh and enjoy my days. Sorry, can't help you with that one.

In addition, thank you for your brilliant perspective on aging. I was under the mistaken impression that I was getting younger, but now I know that I am getting older. Revelation! Newsflash: we are all getting older. I'm good with aging. The older I get, the less I worry about what others think about me and the more I focus on making my life and the lives of the people around me happy. You're not around me, so I really don't give a shit about you. As for the acting career not panning out, well it's kind of my choice. If I only audition once every three or four months I can't really expect to work all the time, can I? I only audition for things I want to do. If I audition for a national tour that would take me away from home for nine months, I don't want to do it. I like my life the way it is. Trust me, I'm good with it. Maybe I will wait tables forever, who knows? But if I can have a job that pays my bills by only working 25 hours a week, I think that's pretty good. I know a lot of people who would love to chop off 15 hours of their work week. I don't want a job that I have to think about when I'm not there, so this actually works out pretty well for me. As for my autumn years approaching, you're wrong there too. I have not been approached by AARP yet so I am definitely still in my summer years; maybe even late spring. Don't you worry your pretty little head about this "washed up old hag."

Finally, why are you here? If you don't like this blog, there is an easy solution for that: don't come to it. You don't like me? Thankfully, you don't know me so again you have the capability to live your every day life without any input from me. Maybe you used to know me or I pissed you off once or something, I dunno. My recommendation to you is to delete this page from your bookmarks and go on living your life sans The Bitchy Waiter. It might make both of our lives better. And again, good luck peddling the herpes. I am sure you will do a superb job. Email me if you need help with your craigslist ad. I know writing is not your strong point.

scroodly noodles,
The Bitchy Waiter

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Amber said...

This made my day. Hilarious.

Heather (aka Sugar Free) said...

Ooooh! Now I want to use the scrunt word!!!

Babs n Bacchus said...

What a bitter, bitter man. Sucks to be him.

Jamie said...

Love it!
And wtf does "scroodily noodles" mean?! LOL

Aunty Pol said...

Thanks for giving me a new word will show up in my blog.

Waving from Houston

Butterfly Kisses said...

South Africa loves you, thanks for basically making my day. You're a genius.

SharleneT said...

I hate it when you beat around the bush. Why don't you just say what you mean and not leave us out here, trying to figure it out. 8-) You might want to start a second (third) career writing responses to comments for others in need. This was wonderful. Thanks for making my day!

Chunky Mama said...

I love this.
I love you.
I think YOU'RE great. I love YOUR writing, and reading posts like this make my entire day.

You very tactful handled that douche while simultaneously insulting him, which is kind of brilliant.

Derby Wallus said...

What!? You're not peddling HIV? This is news to me!
Sarcasm of course. :)
Refreshing and hilarious as always Bitchy!
Just remember, whats being famous on the internet without a few haters?

Mary A. said...

Why didn't you leave the comment up so your fans could be mean to him???? I want to be mean to him!

I did get a little pissy about the person who said "How Cruel". Get over your sanctimonious self commenter who doesn't spank their kids when they deserve it.

I will use the word scrunt from now on too.

S'A said...

Bravo for pointing out the difference between your and you're. It's amazing how many people must have slept through English class the day that was taught. And I think I may have to borrow the word "scrunt", also. It's brilliant!

Lazidaisical said...

Wonderful! Very well played. Surely tagtag has a blog of his own that no one reads and he's jealous of the size of your audience.

I am very flattered FOR you that this person is sitting around concerning himself over your quality of life. I wonder how well his advice has served him in his own life? He must be quite the successful actor, or something, no? In which case, how exciting that a celebrity is reading your blog!

Allison said...

I love you bitchy waiter.

Terra said...

I'm pretty sure that was just a troll.

Rachel said...

Dammit, I was really hoping to get HIV from you. I guess I will have to look elsewhere.. you have really let me down. :)

Jamie said...

Actually you can wait tables for the rest of your life if you would like to. I can surely give you examples of about 10 servers that are grandparents and I am their boss (30 years younger than them). I didn't realize only teenage girls could wait tables. What do I know though, just worked at a restaurant my whole life. This blog is basically everything I ever want to say to anyone who eats out. Ever.

Kara Hoag said...

Your totally wrong. I only read you're blog, and others out there, because I hate myself so much and can only find pleasure in life through berating others, mainly people I don't actually know so I won't have to deal with confrontation.

visions unto myself

Vicki said...

You're the bomb...Too bad you have to deal with people like that. Like you told him, if you don't like the blog don't come to read it. I really get annoyed with people like him.

Keep writing because no matter what this man told you your writing is very well thought out and funny. You have a great night, BW. Most of us appreciate what you have to say. =)

Jasmine said...

Mary, if you're referring to me, on the how cruel part... I was talking about children with Autism and other special needs. You don't teach them by hitting them. THAT is abuse.

Caitlin said...

What a douche

lee woo said...

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. See the link below for more info.


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