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Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Olive Oyl is Alive and Well

Have you ever wondered what Olive Oyl would like in today's day and age? Wonder no more because I think she sat at table 18 last night. She has put on some weight which is a good thing because I always thought Olive Oyl was bit too thin. It was rumored that she had body dismorphic syndrome and may have had some type of eating disorder as well which would explain why she always seemed to weigh about 70 pounds. Judging from her fickle nature and not being able to decide between Popeye and Bluto also shows that she probably had some issues with low self esteem. But last night she was healthy and robust and acting like she has finally got her life on track. Her hair is still jet black but it's obvious that she dyes it now. But she's in her early 90's, so more power to her. It also appeared that she had gotten a boob job because she actually had breasts. Popeye and Bluto probably chipped in and paid for those tits after years of pancake breakfasts. Her feet are still huge but she was wearing snow boots so maybe it was an illusion. She was wearing that sad black pencil skirt and red top but she had jazzed it up with a zebra print jacket. Overall she looked good for a 90 fucking year old cartoon character

"Hello, ma'am. May I get you something to drink?" I asked.
"Oh dear, I dunno. Ooooh I dunno. Ooooh...ooooh."
"I can come back in a few minutes if you want to take a moment to decide."
"Nooooo, I'm ready. Ooooh, I would like a vodka on the rocks with olives. A lot of olives. I love olives."
"More than three?"
"Oooh, are they the big olives or the little olives. I love olives."
"They are the big olives," said I.
Olive Oyl smiled from ear to ear and said, "Ooooh, I love the big olives. I'll take as many as you can give me."
I went back to the bar and crammed five olives on to the tiny toothpick and carried it back to the table. She eyed the glass and went straight for the olives. I just knew that her panties were a little wet with olive oil at the very thought of downing those delicious salty little fruits.
"Ooooh dear, these are big olives. Thank you so much. I love olives," she said again as she swallowed two of them at once.
"Yes, I heard that about you. Would you like to order any food or will you be having olives for dinner tonight?" I followed that remark with a laugh so she would think I was being funny and not bitchy even though I was being bitchy and not funny.
"Oooh dear. Hmmmm. Ooooh my. Oh, I know! I would like an order of spinach artichoke dip."

Apparently her years with Popeye had rubbed off on her and she was a big fan of the spinach can. I was afraid to ask her about Popeye. He was older than Olive Oyl was so he's probably dead now. I also wanted to ask her who the hell Swee'Pea was and if he was the bastard child of Popeye or Bluto, but it seemed too personal for a waiter to ask a customer. I almost shared with her how I played her one summer in an amusement park in Denver but decided that she probably wouldn't care. (Yes, I really did. I was Olive Oyl at Elitch Gardens the summer of '87 so if you hugged her that summer, you probably hugged me.) The rest of the night with Olive Oyl was uneventful. She had her two drink minimum and enjoyed the show. She gave me a good tip and went on her way. I was just happy to see that Olive Oyl was alive and well and living in New York City. Now if I could only find out whatever happened to Josie and the Pussycats.

This is a repost because I am getting married next week and have been kinda busy.

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13 comments: said...

Awesome post! You ROCK!

Anonymous said...

Youre getting married???!! CONGRATS!!!

ChiTown Girl said...


JoBo said...

You're getting MARRIED??? Best wishes for you & yours Bitchy!!! P.S. Will you please post a wedding photo??

TheRealBarman said...

Ah yes, the good ol' days when sailors and thugs fought over rail-thin girls with size 16 feet. Perhaps BW, you could enlighten us on what their drink of choice would have been. I take Pluto to be a bourbon drinker and a mean drunk, Olive Oyl a drinker of dirty martinis, and Popeye? I'm not sure. Muddled spinach mojitos?

You'd know better than me, with your Olive Oyl experience.



Katy said...

Congratulations on getting married! :)

Mary A. said...

Mazel tov on the wedding!

Where are you registered?

Little redhead said...

Funny post! And congratulations on getting married, wondeful news! Hope you and your partner have an amazing day!

Nightgaunt said...

Super congrats on the upcoming wedding! I hope it's everything you hoped it would be, and that we get to see pics.

As the obnoxious web mene goes:

((except for the part where it will actually Have happened and absolutely rock. And probably have plenty of delicious booze.))

I'll raise a toast to you guys tonight, please forgive me if it's just a Heineken from the fridge instead of something really good. I'll belatedly raise a Margarita when I get out next.

Wendy said...

... i don't know what happened to Josie, but i can sure tell you what happened to the Pussycats!

NellieVaughn said...

I always thought the child was Blutos', but Popeye didn't care. he is a good man. You can tell Bluto kept his women in line with the help of violence.

Practical Parsimony said...

Congratulations on the marriage. Pictures would be very nice.

Anonymous said...