Comment on Comments

After almost two weeks of not writing for the blog, my fingers are literally itching to get back to work. Of course that itchy feeling could be attributed to me reaching into the bucket of sanit-solution underneath the soda machine to retrieve rags to wipe down the tables, but whatever. First off, I must thank all the guest bloggers who did such a great job while I was away but now that I am back, I am ready to bitch my face off and what better way to start than with a Comment on Comments post?

In response to Spotting and Identifying the Frugal Guest, an anonymous commenter had this to say:

You could also get a job that does not require bitching because you didn't get a tip. It's your choice to work the position you have and if you do not make the minimum, by law it is your employers job to make up the balance. I go into a restaurant, I have a base percentage of 15% and it fluxes dependant on YOUR service. you give me crappy service, it will reflect in your tip. I have been known to leave 25-30% for exceptional service, and if you suck, you get a penny. You are not entitled to a tip, you must earn it.

 
Okay, anonymous, here we go:

I can only assume that you must have the world's most perfect job that means you never under any circumstances have any reason to complain about it, is that it? What job must you have that is so wonderful?

Do you work with unicorns and rainbows? Are you the fluffer for unicorn porn? Do you sit around on set all day waiting until some stud unicorn needs some attention for his stud uni-cock? Do you just open your mouth and service unicorn porn stars until they are needed back in front of the camera and then after the money shot you go clean up the glitter with a rainbow cum rag?

Do you work at a candy factory? Are you the taster and it is your job to assure quality control? Do you sit on a chaise lounge for forty hours a week while Oompa Loompas cram bon bon after bon bon into your mouth until you can no longer move because your bowels are so full of caramel that taking a dump is reminiscent of cleaning out the hot fudge pump at Dairy Queen at the end of a busy after-church crowd Sunday?

Or maybe you're a rock star on tour with your totally awesome band and all you do is sleep with women all day and all night. Women throw their panties and themselves at you and they practically fall upon your penis. In fact, you sleep with so many women that your penis is raw and drips with gonorrhea ruining your underwear and letting you wear each pair only one time before having to burn it.

My point is, anonymous, that no matter what job a person has, that person is still going to bitch about it. It's what people do. You're right, it is my choice to have the position that I have. It is also my choice to write this blog called The Bitchy Waiter where I choose to bitch about my job. Maybe it's just my opinion, but I think the name of the blog is a pretty good indicator of what the blog will be about. Likewise, it is your choice to come to this blog and read what is written. If you think you might not enjoy reading about a waiter bitching about his job, then I would suggest you click away from a page that says "I wait tables and then bitch about it." You say you have been known for leaving 25-30% tips for exceptional service but also have left one penny for service that sucked. I believe exactly half of that comment. I will let you decide which half I think is true (Hint: I am pretty sure you're a cheap ass bitch who gives pennies out to trick-or-treaters.)

You are correct about earning the tip. No waiter feels entitled to a tip if he gives crappy service, but the same goes for you, anonymous. You have to earn respect around this blog. You can't breeze in here and leave some rude ass comment and expect to be entitled to my respect or anyone else who reads this blog. So why don't you take your drippy gonorrhea penis with caramel stuffed bowels on out of here and go blow a unicorn and then find some other blog to bitch on.

This blog is only big enough for one bitch and I'm it.

I'm back.