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Monday, October 29, 2012

Oh, Sandy. You Hurt Me Real Bad

With all the hype on the East Coast about Hurricane Sandy, I can't help but write about anything else. It does not seem right for me to complain about that bitch who sat in my station the other night and just about how had a coronary when I told her we don't take American Express.

"But what about my points??" she exclaimed?

"What about the barrier islands in New Jersey??" I replied.

Or how can I justify writing about the man who asked for his burger to be "well-done but not too well-done, because I like it cooked a lot, but it's not like I want it burned, you know?" It seems trivial to respond to such an inane request when the future of residents in certain low-lying area of Brooklyn is so unsure.

In the face of the storm, I don't feel comfortable telling the story of that little boy who freaked out that there was bacon in his mac and cheese even though it clearly states that fact on the menu and I assumed that his parents knew how to read. This kid acted like a scorpion had crawled into his diaper and had an orgy with some fire ants. His parents did nothing about the tantrum except tell me they were going to need another round of drinks for them to be able to "handle the kid." So, no, I won't write about that.

What I will write about is how we on the East Coast are dealing with the storm. According to Facebook, almost every friend of mine has stocked up on liquor and junk food. Bottled water? Maybe. Vodka? Yes. Canned soup and tuna? Possibly. Doritos and donuts? Of course. It is 1:00 PM here in Queens and the winds are starting to pick up. The clouds are heavy and the rain is beginning to fall. I am still in pajamas but I might put some clothes on soon to go to the store for another essential need: bacon.

For anyone who is reading this who is in the path of this bitch Sandy, please be careful. Don't take any chances and if you must go outside for something (taco shells, beer, a dog walk...) make sure you watch those tree limbs. Those sneaky bitches are always falling down on someone and messing things up. I leave you with a You Tube clip about the original Sandy: the one from Grease. Below that, you will find a recipe for the Hurricane because if you don't have batteries, you probably have rum.


Hurricane Cocktail


  • 2 oz light rum
  • 2 oz dark rum
  • 2 oz passion fruit juice
  • 1 oz orange juice
  • Juice of a half a lime
  • 1 Tbsp simple syrup
  • 1 Tbsp grenadine
  • Orange slice and cherry for garnish


  1. Squeeze juice from half a lime into cocktail shaker over ice.
  2. Pour the remaining ingredients into the cocktail shaker.
  3. Shake well.
  4. Strain into a hurricane glass.
  5. Garnish with a cherry and an orange slice. 

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anne marie in philly said...

the parents don't need more drinks, they need some rope and a ball gag.

stay safe, bitchy; we need your voice in this fucked up world! said...

Stay safe, Bitchy Waiter!

Anonymous said...

Oh, it isn't so bad, BW.
I've stocked up on rum, apple cider, bacon, ham& cheese ... and MTA isn't running, we can't get to work, so all is well.
Bunker up with hubby and stay safe in this weather!!
(and may the lightning strike that Springs1 person)

Noelle said...

As I hope everyone's safty I can't help but be amused every nework has a correspondant standing in the Hudson River or flooded street the rain beating down soaking there hair and clothes. It's not necessary we in the Midwest believe your having a terrible storm.

the weirdo crater said...

I need you Bitchy! Stay safe!

Rouver said...

Gah, I hate "Grease." And those must be the most rickety damn swings I've ever seen.

Don't let that slut Sandy mess you over.

Anonymous said...

Ouch. Terrible grammar.