At a restaurant called Frankie and Benny's, a family thought they would celebrate the birth of their little lush named Sonny Rees. I mean seriously, you name your kid Sonny Rees and you're surprised that he is drawn to whisky? That's like naming your daughter Bambi and then being surprised that she's a pole dancer. Sonny probably keeps his bottle in a brown paper bag. There was a stag party (I assume that's Wales for "bachelor party" and not a party for deer) happening in the restaurant at the same time and apparently, the server gave the future AA member the glass of whisky and water by mistake. Looking at that picture, it seems like Sonny is a real natural. Look how he's holding that glass. He looks like me at happy hour. Or me pretty much any time, truth be told. When the mom saw that Sonny was squirming in his seat and "pulling faces" after every sip, she tasted the drink and realized that her baby was turning into a 75 year old hobo right before her very eyes. She rushed him to the hospital where they checked him out and deemed him okay.
The restaurant felt so bad about the misunderstanding that they took 50% off their bill and issued this statement: "The company is incredibly sorry for what happened. It was a human error and we are putting measures in place to ensure it never happens again."
Wow, they really went all out, didn't they?
But now let's focus on the real problem at hand: that ugly fucking sweater. Maybe little Sonny knew that there was whisky in that glass and he chose to drink it in order to forget what his mother was wearing to his birthday party. Maybe he wanted to drink the whisky as an act of rebellion for the horrible haircut she gave him with a Flowbeee she bought on Craigslistist or maybe he was angry about the plaid shirt he was dressed in. Mom, after you rushed to the emergency room, I hope you swung by the Dress Barn to pick out a new top. I'm surprised that the staff at the hospital didn't issue a code blue for that sweater and rip it off of you and hand you a robe instead. It's seriously horrible. Maybe on Halloween one can get away with wearing a skull and crossbones sweater, but any other time it is wrong. And at your son's birthday party? You should be ashamed. I don't blame Sonny one bit for getting trashed.
So let's go over this again, parents. If you want to make absolutely sure that your child is not getting a major buzz at a restaurant, taste the drink first before your kids goes to town on it. Chances are everything is as it should be, but we have seen it happen enough times to know that occasionally, cocktails slip through the cracks and end up in a sippy cup. No server willingly gives a kid alcohol, we can be sure of that. It would jeopardize their job, be dangerous for the child and quite frankly it would be a waste of good liquor since no kid is going to appreciate a pomegranate margarita. I would suggest just testing it first. It could save you a trip to the emergency room. If, however, you are wearing an ugly ass sweater with skull and crossbones on it and you find alcohol in your child's drink here is what you should do:
- Take the alcohol away from your child.
- Take your sweater off.
- Pour the alcohol onto the sweater.
- Ask your server for a match.
- Light the sweater on fire.
- Resume your meal.
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