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Saturday, January 22, 2011

Children Are Annoying Around the World

It is about 12° below "my ass is freezing" and all I want to do today is sit under a blanket and sleep. So please enjoy this repeat post from last year while I thaw out.

I may have found my new hero. Someone sent me a story (holla out to Bonnie) about a something that happened somewhere called Hallifax West Yorkshire in England-land. The link is at the bottom of the page but here is the gist of it written in a much more entertaining way and with much worse grammar.

Some family went to the grand opening of a Mexican restaurant and brought with them, as parents are apt to do, their two-year old child, Molly. Jeez, do parents have to take their kids everywhere? It's so annoying. The parents were obviously pretty stupid because they were going to a Mexican restaurant. In England. What the fuck is that? Chicken enchiladas with a side of scone? And English Breakfast margaritas? Whatever. I guess the restaurant was really slammed, or as they say in the Queen's English, "bartle bagged." (I totally made that up.) The family had to wait a long time for their food and I guess (say this with a Cockney accent) the lit'le tyke got a might impatient waitin' for 'er food and threw a bit o' a 'issy fit. (You can stop with the Cockney accent. You're really bad at it.) The article doesn't say exactly what Molly did other than get a bit "moany" and "grumbly" but I am pretty sure I know how she behaved. She wanted to wander around the restaurant and get in people's way and annoy other people who do not have kids. When her "mum" made her sit down, Molly began to scream at the top of her lungs and throw sugar packets and bread pudding spoons all over the fucking place. When the dad threatened to spank her arse, she cried until the food finally arrived making the waiter and every table around her hate dear sweet adorable Molly.

When they got the check they noticed at the bottom of it that something had been typed in underneath the food. It said, "thankyyou littell fucker." Now even though there are some points deducted for spelling, it is clear what was being said. The check called Molly a little fucker. Bravo! Here ye here ye! My hero. This server is Queen of all Bitchy Waiters. Capital B. Capital W. Understandably, the family got in a tizzy for insulting their little precious bundle of cunt and demanded an apology and blah blah blah blah. I am sure they got the apology and probably a free order of fish n chips quesadillas too. The sad thing is the person responsible for the "offensive" remark got fired. Or "sacked" as they say they across the pond. The server was just speaking the truth. Had she lived in America maybe she could have stood behind the freedom of speech and all that crap, but seeing that she lived in jolly old England, they fired her British ass. Hopefully, that server will move on to her next position having learned something from her mistake. You can never insult the customer. What I mean is you can never insult the customer where they will find out about it. Say it in the kitchen, write on your pad, think it in your head. Do not print it on their check. Amateur.

CLICK HERE TO READ THE STORY EVEN THOUGH MINE IS MORE INTERESTING



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14 comments:

Zena said...

Again, I have three kids who I have no problem taking to restaurants, because they know i'll take them to the bathroom and spank their asses if the so much as even raise their voices one octive. I don't know why parents expect every other adult to find their kids adorable and excuse their shitty behavior as 'kids being kids'. Try training your kids and you won't have someone calling them little fuckers.

jnana said...

Whoa can't believe she had the guts to do that! Hilarious though!

Bouncin' Barb said...

There's no excuse. Just no excuse. For the parents I mean. When I kid is that miserable get off your ass and leave. I am a mother and now a grandmother and this is just unacceptable. Maybe the comment was harsh on the check but lets hope the asshole parents learn something.

*BECCA* said...

Well Barb, I have to disagree with that way of thinking. I have friends who allow their kids to run their lives like that & their miserable ass grows more miserable as the kid gets older & more controlling... but instead what I would do is let the kid know early on in life that they're not always going to get their way, but no one wants to hear you bitch about it even with those cute dimples & curls. So, bust out the coloring books & politely ask the server for some crackers or rolls, whatever. I have a 17 month old son & can honestly say I've never had that issue with him. NOW I also don't throw myself under the bus, if he's due for a nap & already ill I'm not about to take his ass to the little bistro downtown. Just saying. Some life lessons are better learned early on, that's all. =)

Noelle said...

I hate reruns. pout. :(
Hope it warms up soon.

Anonymous said...

Though this has nothing to do with the post, I wanted to share something that happened to me today. Our restaurant was really busy today, one server short so the orders were going through to the kitchen a little bit quicker than usual and we had a full house. So obviously I would tell my tables beforehand that it might take a little longer than usual since they were busy. I had one table, one lady, who asked me "why is it busy?". How to respond to such a stupid question?

Eden said...

I believe its 12 below here as well and threatening snow, which pisses me off because we southerners don't own snow shovels and expect y'all to keep it in the north where it belongs.

That being said... "fish n chips quesadillas" - LMAO.

ADEEYA said...

Kids are adorable :D

Michael said...

Hilarious blog, kudos.

Gabriele Agustini said...

Another great post!! As always, thanks for my morning laughs!
Hope you're thawing out.

Anonymous said...

Great re-post and this time I'm going to comment. I think that one of the differences between child behavior in a restaurant today compared to when I was a child is this.... When I was a kid, we RARELY went to a restaurant. However, when we did, it was a big deal. Sunday best clothes and we were told to behave as if we were in church. Today's kids in a restaurant sometimes act like they are at home.

SkippyMom said...

"precious bundle of cunt" made me weep tears of laughter.

That will be the only thing I can think of the next time I am in public and a little rat acts up.

I thank you.

Ange said...

I am one of those "horrible" diners that has no issues telling shitty parents that their child needs to be removed from the establishment pronto.

The last thing I need during my cheesecake factory happy hour is having some fucking bratty two year old jumping up and down beside me while licking butter off her butter knife. I honestly don't understand why her parents thought that I was out of line when I told them that if the little brat accidentally stabs me the knife will then go straight for one of their jugulars.

sally said...

Parents: LEAVE THE KIDS AT HOME! I think the rule of thumb should be that children under the age of 12 do not belong in any restaurant that has a full bar and/or a "nice" wine list (i.e. wines other than turning leaf, franzia, etc). There are plenty of diners and fast food places and buffets and chain restaurants you can take your rug monkeys to, please don't inflict them on the grown ups at the nicer establishments.
The problem is, kid chatter becomes background noise to you because you are so used to it; but to those of us who do not deal with the constant sceaming, screeching, yelling, crying, banging, pounding, etc., it is torture! PLEASE just leave them at home, you may think they are being quiet and good--and compared to what you are used to, they probably are. But guess what-- I guarantee you they ARE bothering the adults who are trying to enjoy a nice meal. So just do us all a favor and please leave them at home.