I want to offer this cook some advice: in the future, you might consider cat hair because cat hair can never be traced back to you via DNA. Simply do not leave home without a bag of cat hair for other people who may deserve hair in their sandwich. People such as:
- Your ex-girlfriend who broke up with you two months ago because all you do is play Wii and Angry Birds.
- Your seventh grade teacher who gave you a C- on your science project about pubic hair.
- That lady at Bed, Bath and Beyond who refused to accept your return of the back massager because it was sticky.
- Anyone from your high school who made fun of you.
- The bus driver who you always tell that your car is in the shop even though he knows damn well you don't have a fucking car.
- Michael T. who bounced you off as Mayor of Burger King on Four Square.
- Your high school guidance counselor who told you to get your act together before you end up being a line cook at some lame ass restaurant.
- Your boss who fired you from your last job for putting pubic hair on a cop's sandwich.
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