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Saturday, January 15, 2011

A Burger With a Side of Gold, Please

Now you know I loves me a good hamburger. What's not to love? Juicy ground beef slapped onto a piece of enriched white bun with some melted cheese all up on it? It's perfect food and I am even willing to pay the price for the grass-fed no hormone no antibiotic beef. But there has to be a line. I saw in the news the other day that someone in Vegas is selling a burger for $5,000. Unless that burger comes with a three wished granted by a genie, unlimited french fries and a happy ending, it's too much.

A chef named Hubert Keller is selling it at Mandalay Bay and it consists of Wagyu beef, foie gras and truffles and served with a bottle of 1995 Ch√Ęteau Petrus. I assume that Wagyu beef is the new Kobe. And I don't want foie gras on my burger. I like pickles. And the bottle of wine is worth $2500 on its own. So why is the burger so much? I did a little research and discovered that the meat is only worth about $50 and foie gras might cost $25 while truffles can cost $50 an ounce. The bun they use is Wonder White Bread. (I might have made that part up.) Maybe the burger is worth about $400. But they are charging $5,000 for it. Why? I'll tell you why. So that some douche bag can take his gold digging whore of a girlfriend into the Mandalay Bay and order it and look like a big shot. Can't you just see this guy telling his friends the next day? "Hey, I've got so much money that I ate a burger that was worth $5,000, isn't that impressive? And I have a girlfriend is who is blond and younger than my daughter and I also paid for her to get a boob job because I have so much money. Aren't I cool? Aren't you impressed?" No. No we're not.

I'll tell you one person who would be very excited to sell that stupid ass burger though: the waiter. A 15% tip on that stupid ass burger would be $750. Which brings me to something else that someone commented on recently. They wanted to know why should they tip more on a filet mignon than a hamburger if the waiter is doing the same amount of work, which is carrying a plate. I see the point. I do. However, in our world we pay taxes on the amount of food that we sell not the number of plates we carry. Tough titty, but that's how it is. So that waiter who carries the one plate with the $5,000 burger will make bank that night.

But we know that very few people, if any, will order that entree. It's all publicity for the chef and the restaurant. They know if they put some ridiculous item like that on their menu, it will get talked about and generate press and get people to come to the restaurant that serves the $5,000 burger. But they won't order it. It's smart. It worked. Here I am writing about it and giving them more press because I have about 40 people who read this. You're welcome, Chef Hubert. And in the vein of doing something ridiculous, I add this:

The person who writes the most entertaining comment to this blog by 1/22/10 will receive $5,000 dollars in cash from me. And if I can't come up with the cash, I will send them a Bitchy Waiter necklace of my choosing. For real. I will do that. Be entertaining.









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27 comments:

RonaDolvi said...

I would have hoped there were gold shavings on top of that burger, and so help me, if I could EVER afford that thing, I'd order it and DROWN the sucker in ketchup!

No, but seriously, I'd like to think the douche-fags would be in pain from gold-flakes traveling through their digestive track; or maybe even undercooked beef heaven forbid.

J9 said...

The same d-bags that show up on the wealth channel, or thought of the wealth channel. Seriously? An entire channel devoted to people who are so impressed with themselves, they couldn't bother to be on the travel channel, so they have to buy a fucking entire channel, and a fucking film crew and drag them across the globe filming their adventuresome lifestyle and broadcasting this crap to the world, all the while thinking to themselves, "yeah, I showed those idiots at travel/discovery who turned down my treatment".

miss tia said...

you just know donald trump is gonna order his son's pre-school a bunch of these mini-burger style....

Shay International said...

...i guess it's worth it if:
the beef is from a rare holy breed of cow that is only found in india...
and the truffles must come from a remote village in france and only grow once a year and harvested only by virgins during a full moon after being found by wild sows...
the foie gras must be from a swan that was humanely force fed organic south american corn, then marinated in 100 year old cognac...
and served on bread made by an old blind italian man...
and it must be presented by a beautiful waiter/waitress on a plate of fine antique china (from china, no less) and wine poured into goblets of gold...

who am i kidding? 5,000 bucks for a burger and a bottle of wine? new tits don't even cost that much any more...

Anonymous said...

^ love shay

Lolamouse said...

I would love to have the money to buy that burger and then walk out of the restaurant and give it to the first homeless alcoholic I saw on the street! Then I'd hope he'd send it back because it wasn't cooked to his liking!

Mary A. said...

It will probably be purchased by some wanna be who charges it on his platinum card and then gets his house forclosed on because he didn't make the payments. Meanwhile, real millionaires are eating their burgers at Chili's.

I can't believe that was the best response I could come up with.

Bouncin' Barb said...

And until my disability case comes through I'm getting food stamps. Only in America!

Silvia said...

I'm sorry, I'm the one who made the remark about the hamburger & filet but you actually got the wrong message or perhaps, more likely, I explained myself badly.
My prime example was that if I go to a diner & get a bagel & coffee, my bill is pretty negligible compared to a full breakfast. Since the waiter is doing about the same amount of work, I would think that I'm insulting him/her by leaving only 20%. That's what's not fair.

I honestly didn't mean to imply that you shouldn't get your 20% or that you don't deserve it. Again, sorry.

BTW You're a great writer, I love your blog.

Melanie said...

Hamburger with foie gras, truffles and a very old bottle of wine...$5000

side of seasoned fries...$200

Tip to the waiter...$800

Getting laid by the young blonde...
priceless!!!

The Restaurant Manager said...

You left out the best part... They will mail you Certificate of authenticity to prove to your friends that you had the FleurBurger! I believe it reads:

I am a douche bag. I paid $5000 for a hamburger and got this cool certificate of authenticity because I didn't think you would believe me if all I had was a picture of my $5000 turd.

Mrs. Hyde said...

Fuck that! Let's go to Mickey D's.

a bitch called mom

Winston said...

Each $5000 burger should be served with a card that states 40% of the price will be donated to the local soup kitchen. That way the show-offs who order it will have at least done some real good instead of just showing-off. And the chef will be viewed as less of a publicity hound and as more altruistic himself.

Amanda said...

thank you for inspiring me!
http://groceryland.blogspot.com/

purplegirl said...

Oh good. I always wanted to pay $5000 to inflate someone else's ego. What a fuckstick idea!

Waiter At Arm's Wife said...

Lovely PR trick is right. Gets the customer in and they can lie about having ordered it. It would make my husband's night if he got the tip on one of those burgers.
But really, you work in NYC, where DB Bistro Moderne sells a burger for $32 with a side of fries and it does sell really well. Or so they say.
Hubert Keller's restaurant at the Mandalay Bay is not even the most expensive of all of the, "fine dining" places, since his average meal is $50 per person. Aureole is the most expensive at $95. I can't see why what Charlie Palmer can do is worth more than what Alain Ducasse can and he is there too.
So this isn't the most entertaining comment: even I know that. But I worked with Palmer, who needs an attitude adjustment when it comes to how he treats staff. But then he is getting his ass handed to him for the new Aureole in NYC. It is a horror of cold. austere dining. He should have kept the old brownstone original and made himself that much more exclusive. At least Daniel Boulud is fun to work with, despite his problems with preferring French wait staff over Americans. He got over it when he was sued and lost. How I wish I was back in NY where I grew up and ate in all those lovely places besides working there. My husband could make better money on tips, despite tip-outs, than he is in this holier than though state's cheap tippers handout.
BTW, lie and say you don't have the money and send the necklace to the winner. Just because someone can come up with the best comment doesn't mean that you have to starve.

YB said...
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YB said...
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YB said...

@ Silvia - I was a server and bartender for about 6 years and I really appreciate you post about the bagel, coffee, and 20%. I always found it annoying to serve a cup of coffee at $2 to someone who was taking up one of my seats for God only knows how long from which I might see a dollar (before tip out). Because of my time served, I always tip at least $2 on $5 or less and $3-$5 on $10 or less and then try not to occupy the seat longer than necessary. Bud Light girls and other various beer bitches don't get the same treatment. They're already getting paid a flat rate to stand next to an over sized cooler with bottles of beer and while showing off their assets. I have literally watched many, many of them bat their at some poor dumb schmuck to do their work for them. And...their only job is to turn around, grab a beer, say $2 and open. If you're lucky, they'll open it for you.

Do they stock their own ice? No! Do they have legitimate opening/closing work? No! Do they have to tip anybody out? Hell NO!!.......I'll stop there before this goes any further.

YB said...

@bitchy waiter - (sorry about the novella) You're exactly right about serving a burger vs. serving a filet. It's all about the sales at the end of the night. You, I, and every other good waiter out there knows that. And that's why we all compete for the good jobs. I used to work at one of the best restaurants in town and consistently had high sales and high tips because I knew how to increase my bottom line. No, it wasn't in the sort of shady way you see the skeezy waiters pull. It was legit. The patron knew they were paying more with me and enjoyed it because I always ensured their experience was top notch. Come to think of it, I had more call parties in my first year than anyone the owners had ever employed.

Thus ending my self-righteous rant. I might have to start blogging my stories too.

Bar Harbor Waitress said...

do you think they would serve me a PBR with my burger?

Jamesrfitz said...

So a priest, a rabbi, and a Baptist preacher walk into a restaurant in the Mandalay Bay Hotel in Las Vegas. Since it is currently the coolest, most glamourous restaurant to be seen at in all of the world, space is tight. The three are asked to share a table. Being affable and Godly types, they agree. They look at the menu and are astounded at the prices.

The waiter arrives to take the order and the rabbi pulls his prayer shawl around him and unfastens his money belt and pulls out a twenty dollar bill. He says, "I would offer to take you to lunch, but at these prices, all I can afford is to buy each of us a cup of coffee. With tax and tip, that will take up all of the money I had budgeted for lunch today. Blessed be the name of the Lord."

The priest, moved by this act of generosity pulls out a small money purse and says, "I have served my parish for thirty years and in thanks for my dedication, they took up a collection to give me this luxurious vacation and I want to share some of their generosity with you, my colleagues. I have a hundred dollar bill and this will buy us each a salad, plus tax and tip. God is great and God is good and now I thank him for this food."

The Baptist preacher reaches into his suit jacket and takes out his wallet saying, "Thank you friends. I appreciate your hospitality." Then he pulls out $5750 and hands it to the waiter saying, "I'll also have one of them expensive hamburgers. There's NO business like SHOW business."

Mama Sky said...

OK to whoever said you can get a boob job for less then that please let me know where. Ive been saving up my pennies for that darn boob job... lol

5grand for a burger!! I better have an orgasm when I bite into that baby. It better be served to me by the hottest men in town and as they all wait with collective held breaths I lift it up to my lips and take a monster sized bite, tie those fancy bibs you get at the Rib shack around my neck since that thick ass bitch of a burger better be dripping with juicy goodness. After I finish off that bottle of wine I probably will be in no shape to give a true opinion on how good my 5 thousand dollars just tasted. I hope the damn chef is nice enough to call me a cab and he better send me flowers when I end up in the hospital from either clogged arteries or a nervous breakdown after I sober up and realize I paid 5grand for a burger and drink when I could have gotten the same thing from Wendys for $2.

Waiter At Arm's Wife said...

BTW, was that an intentional mistake about the $5000. prize for the best comment, or were you hoping to slip it by all of us.

This is what you wrote,"The person who writes the most entertaining comment to this blog by 1/22/10 will receive $5,000 dollars in cash from me."

None of us win even if we do write the most entertaining comment because it will be well past the closing date. This is 2011. That New Year's Eve multi-day hangover must have really been a brilliant one.

Derby Wallus said...

Some poor bastard is going to end up taking a girl to the restaurant and she'll want the $5000 dollar burger. He'll buy it for her, hoping to get laid. I'd be willing to make a bet that she wouldn't even have eaten half of it. The price we pay for sex is simply overwhelming.

Joe said...

I wouldn't mind winning 5g's ,but I'm really all about that snazzy "The Bitchy Waiter" necklace! Too bad I can't think of anything amusing. I think no one will ever pay full price for that burger, but some highroller and his painted whore will get it as a comp. They'll feel like they got a $5000 comp and management will have seriously plussed up some wealthy douchebag for maybe only $1200.

Joe said...
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