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Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Dear Bitchy Waiter

Weeks and weeks have passed since I have taken the time to answer a question and today is the day. Since it's about margaritas, it seemed absolutely necessary. You can email me here if you have a question that needs attention. Or you can just say hello. That's nice too.


Dear Bitchy Waiter,
Help me out here! I served a pretentious customer a strawberry margarita today and she argued on and on about the salted rim. She insisted that it's supposed to be a sugared rim instead b/c there is strawberry in it. My defence is that it's a MARGARITA despite what flavour, it gets salt! Am I wrong?

Signed,
Sara M.

Dear Sara,
I am assuming by your fancy spelling of "flavour" and "defence" that you must be from across the pond. If so, I thought you only drank ales over there in Jolly Old England. I have never been there but now that I know I can get a margarita, I may have to add the United Kingdom to my travel itinerary. In answer to your question, I concur with you. I like salt on a margarita no matter what the flavour. I have had a sugar rim a few times (is it just me or does that sound dirty?) but I always miss the salt. I think even with a sweet margarita, the salted rim is better. It gives it that sweet and salty combo that we all love so much, like chocolate covered pretzels or caramel popcorn or bacon dipped in Nutella. I hope the lady who wanted a sugar rim was not too disappointed with her saline substitute. I'm sorry, but I can't get my mind out of the gutter about a "sugar rim." I have this vision of Willy Wonka getting a taste of Oompa Loompa ass next to a chocolate waterfall. Meanwhile Augustus Gloop is passed out on a candy toadstool two feet away oblivious to the anal dining because he is in candy coma after just eating a truckload of Wonka Bars. Come to think of it, are we sure that you didn't serve Veruca Salt? I mean, after all she is British and she wants what she wants when she wants it.


I can totally imagine Veruca Salt all grown up and sitting in your station. She sashays into the restaurant with her red dress with a neat row of black buttons and orders.

Veruca: I want a margarita. I want a feast. I want a party. Pink macaroons and a million balloons and performing baboons and give it to me. I want a sugar rim, Sara and I want it now. I want the world. I want the whole world. I want to lock it all up in my pocket. It's my bar of chocolate. Give it to me now!

When Sara shows up with a margarita with a salted rim, Veruca loses it and trashes the whole restaurant. A bouncer named Charlie Bucket escorts her out but on the way back to her limo she keys Sara's car with the words "Suck my golden goose egg, bitch!"and is arrested. She ends up as the top story on the nightly news where newscaster, Mike Teavee says he always thought she was kind of a bitch. Veruca's old friend Violet Beauregarde remained in the restaurant and got drunk on blueberry vodka and lemonade until they had to roll her ass out of there.

So, Sara. I say just always use salt.

Signed,
The Bitchy Waiter



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15 comments:

Toni said...

I think I'd rather have sugar with a strawberry margarita. But I'd also probably be sure to say that when I ordered it. If I didn't, I wouldn't be upset about getting salt. I think it's the customer's fault for not specifying.

The Angry Redhead said...

hmmm I'm a bartender and the owner would level me if I ever sugared a rim. Margarita or otherwise. I agree, salted.

Aunty Pol said...

I guess I'm kind of easy....I always ask for no salt or in this case sugar on the rim...

Waving from Houston

Adam said...

Hey, has anybody ever told you that you look like Gene Wilder?

Oh, look! I just made a lame joke!

I think that sugar-rim really needs to make it into the urban dictionary.

Adam said...

Oh, and Bean-feast (whatever the fuck that is) needs to make it into the urban dictionary too.

It sounds like something that would accompany a sugar-rim.

Jasmine said...

But Veruca's last name was salt. How could she NOT want salt?

Jill H. said...

Personally, I prefer salt on the rim of all margaritas. I work in a restaurant and we serve lime margaritas with a salted rim and all of the other fruit flavors with sugar.

Chunky Mama said...

Cracking up and will never be able to watch that movie again without wondering what Willy's been doing to the Oompa Loompas.

ChiTown Girl said...

Strawberry margaritas are already too sweet. I can't imagine putting sugar on the rim. Like Aunty Pol, I prefer nothing on my rim.

I won't be able to sleep tonight until I have some bacon dipped in Nutella. Thanks a lot, Bitchy!!

kayla.rose said...

@ The Angry Redhead -- to be fair, a whisky sour calls for a sugar rim. And I wouldn't have it any other way, filthy double entendre and all.

Anonymous said...

While there is much to be said for a margarita being margarita... a really lazy, really smart server should just ask the customer's preference when taking the order. Invariably, whichever one you put, the customer will want the other, and saves you from dragging your ass back up to the bar to re-rim the damn drink.
But if someone does want sugar, you should garnish the drink obnoxiously with fruit and little umbrellas because someone who needs that much fruit syrup and sugar to appreciate tequila should still be sitting at the kiddie table.

A said...

or you could do both sugar and salt...then tell them it's an exotic thing

Susan said...

Bacon and Nutella? You have my gears turnin!

Anonymous said...

I have always understood it to be a sugared rim for fruit ritas, but I've never had anyone complain either way. I mean, it's on the rim...wipe it off if you don't like it ;) -Serenity

bbgunsetsail said...

Sara is Canadian silly