Some of my favorite posts to write are based on photos and news stories that people send in to me. Today's blog post is in thanks to Katharine who sent this awesome photo of a child caught in the act of making me hate her. Katharine herself is pretty awesome and if you need proof, check her out in the fabulously funny improve comedy show Naked in a Fishbowl. Anyhoo, on to the picture.It comes from a blog called STFU, Parents which is kinda right up my alley. In the photo, we see an adorable little bundle of annoying expressing her creative side by scribbling all over the fucking wall at a restaurant. The mom thought is was so cute that she snapped a picture of it and then sent it to her Facebook page with the caption "She thought the wall was boring so she added a little color." She followed that insipid remark with the ubiquitous "lol." Okay mom-named-Karina, prepare for a thrashing from The Bitchy Waiter:
Who the hell do you think is going to clean that mess up, you horrible excuse for a parent, the Crayola Elves? Unless there is some fucking bleach in that Dora the Explorer cup and you plan on using it to remove your daughter's artistic interpretation of "Lunch With Lazy Mom" then you you need to put the camera down and explain to your daughter that this is not how children behave while at Denny's or IHOP or wherever the hell you went. Meanwhile, the waitress is probably standing behind you shooting you the crusty evil eye and giving the signal to Bubba the fry cook that it is okay if he wants to flip your pancakes with the broom and add some "special sauce" to your syrup. Your waitress hates you. I also see a few Equal packets laying there on the table which means there are at least five or six of them on the floor under the booth, because a sugar caddy is the perfect play thing for a two-year old, right? If your daughter found the wall to be boring, maybe you should have told her, "I know it's not as fancy as the wall paper we have back home in the double-wide, sweetie, but you just sit your butt down and wait for the food to get here." You do not encourage her to vandalize. I don't know the name of your daughter, but I am going to go with something like Tiffany Lynn. You are setting Tiffany Lynn up for a future of bitch. Anyone who allows their children to do whatever they want is going to soon realize they have raised a spoiled little brat who thinks she can get away with anything. Invariably, this will lead to a road of pole dancing and a six week contract with 16 and Pregnant. If your daughter was bored, I am sure there were other things you could have done rather than letting her draw on the fucking wall. I am not a parent and I just pulled these suggestions out of thin air, but what about these great ideas:
- give her a book to read
- let her color on a piece of paper
- tell her a story
- pour some NyQuil® in her sippy cup. (Again, I am not a parent. This may or may not be a good idea, but to me it sounds great.)
- play the quiet game
- let her play with whatever is in your purse. (Good parents would first remove their weed, vibrators, make up, condoms and flasks.)
- put her in her crate
- give her your iPad
- just fucking tell her she's not at home so she needs to sit her ass down and behave herself.
Karina, I hope you will keep these points in mind the next time you take little Tiffany Lynn out to eat. It may be helpful if you print this out. That way, when you have a hankering for the Rooty Tooty Fresh 'n' Fruity your waitress won't have to spend an extra fifteen minutes scrubbing crayon scribbles off the wall. And one more thing Karina: you suck at parenting.
If you agree that Karina showed some shitty ass judgement, please leave a comment and/or share this.
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13 comments:
Benadryl works better than Nyquil. Lasts longer.
We have a little "Picasso" of our own...he is now on "crayon probation" when he comes in to eat...meaning he gets no crayons with his kids menu since he doesn't color on the paper but on my wall instead! We had to repaint the wall one time for crying out loud!
This only supports the argument that licenses should be required to raise children.
This totally supports my habits of absolutely REFUSING to haul my two terrorists out in public to eat. I'm already well aware what they put ME through - no need to punish the general public!
My parents would never have let me do anything like that -- hell, I wouldn't dare IMAGINE doing anything like that because I knew better, thanks to my parents who actually knew how to do their job.
Karina needs to be kicked in the crotch. Hard. So hard, in fact, she can't push out another brat!
I love the Nyquil in the sippy cup idea!! Had to read aloud to my roommates it was so funny. Thank you for brightening my day!!
Yup, agree
I'll tell ya what works better than Nyquil or Benadryl; Phenobarbital!
Kind of hard to come by, though; need a prescription...
Karina prolly smoked the weed in her purse, therefore clouding her already doubtful judgement.
Shame on her mother. What the kid is doing is wrong, yes, but it's the parent that needs to be bitch-slapped.
I use to be a server, I remember this quite (not so) fondly, the bad parents and their little hellions. I have kids of my own now. If we're in a restaurant and one drops or throws something on the floor, I bend my down or get on hands and knees to retrieve it so our server won't have to. If one starts acting up, I take her outside so as not to annoy any other patrons until she's calmed down. I leave the other kid for the server to watch for me while I'm out. (Kidding, of course.)
Anyway, point is, what everyone else has already pointed out: take care of your goddamn children, make them behave themselves teach them respect.
And throwing bits and pieces of fries and whatnot on the floor and leaving it there isn't acceptable. Damn but I use to hate cleaning up after other people's kids. Ugh.
There's not excuse for this, at all. If she wanted to show the world how clever her child was for her blog, she should have used her own walls! (Unfortunately, when my daughter chose to write on the home furnishings, she chose lipstick and the carpeted stairs -- a very costly repair!). But, you'll be happy to know, BW, that the schools are now fed up with caring whether or not the little darlings feel good and are bringing back discipline! Yes. That I should only live so long to enjoy the fruits of these new labors! Great post. Come visit when you can.
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