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Wednesday, January 4, 2012

The Bitchy Bermuda Triangle is Where I Work

The restaurant I work in is sort of the Bermuda Triangle of dining establishments. Sometimes the people who work there just disappear and we never hear from them again. Every once in a while someone is fired and whisked away before we have our chance to say farewell. Case in point, Chef Tommie, who was the most foul mouthed chef I have ever worked with. (Favorite quote ever: "You know what my favorite thing to eat is? My wife's pussy.") But most often, people just vanish. Maybe the restaurant is in some weird centric vortex epicenter of Queens with a portal to another time but more than likely, people just decide to quit and they're too lazy to bother with a resignation bev nap so they just don't show up.

I worked with a girl for about three weeks. She was in grad school, really efficient, totally friendly and reliable. One day she just didn't show up. No call, no show, as they say. I suppose it's possible she caught a case of the "I don't give a shits" but isn't it also possible that she fell into the portal? The manager told me he thought it was odd that she came in the day before to get her paycheck when he knew she was on the schedule for the next day. Duh, manager. All signs point to "the bitch is quitting."

There have been several chefs who were only there for a few days. One was named Ryan and he was there just long enough for our one female co-worker to decide he was hot. As soon as that was determined, he was gone faster than a stick of butter at a Paula Deen pajama party. We never learned if he was fired or if he quit or if he too was sucked into the portal that carried him off to another land. Adam was our chef for a few months and one day he was gone. I heard he quit to be a waiter at a pizza place but it's entirely possible he was another victim of the Queens Bermuda Triangle. Our latest mysterious disappearance is that of Chef Nathan. He seemed so invested and ready to become an integral part of the team but after being closed for three days for the holidays, he never showed up again. Calls to him went unanswered. The last we knew, he was going to Connecticut for a few days. I have not been there since last week, so who knows if he ever showed up or not.

The question is "Why do people come and go so quickly there?" It could be that the restaurant is sitting on top of some ancient burial ground for Native Americans and by coming to work, we are continuously upsetting the ghosts who in turn make sure certain employees will never set foot inside the restaurant again. It could be that people find better jobs and decide it's time to move onward and upward. However, the most likely cause is that our manager doesn't bother establishing meaningful connections with any of his employees and they have no sense of duty, obligation or loyalty meaning that if it's too rainy outside and they don't have any bills to pay that week, they say 'fuck that shit, I ain't goin' in."

If you ever see that this blog or the Bitchy Waiter Facebook Page has been inactive for too long, you will know that I have followed the footsteps of those before me who were lured into the black hole of Queens and pulled into the darkest depths of unemployment never to return again. Then again, it's entirely possible that I am just too hungover to drag myself to the computer, so don't go all crazy or anything.


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7 comments:

Ninja Kitty Extraordinaire said...

May I just say that I bloody well WISH I could just up and walk out on my job due to rain... hell, even a gentle mist! That said, I need to procure the key to the mysterious gates of said Bermuda Triangle post-haste so I can at least claim to have a Plan B when my little tango with Publisher's Clearing House goes South!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

what a tough biz, chefs and managers can make or break it. To all those that hang with it, and do not get sent to prison, great job!!!

diatribesandovations.com said...

I can think of a few people in my office that I should send your way in hopes that they never return. Be careful ... you would be missed.

Sulky kitten said...

In my sister's place of work (hotel)the waiting staff go AWOL all the time, but the wily ones always manage to "injure" themselves before they leave. They then sue the wanker who owns the place and we laugh because he's such a tightwad we know it makes him sweat blood in his sleep at the thought of another insurance claim.

MedReigns said...

I remember my first day at a seafood chain restaurant I ran into an old acquaintance, Rick, a friend of my older brother growing up. He was super small for his age, total Napoleon complex. One time I got him from behind and held him down for like 10 minutes w/my brother and his friends cheering me on.

Anyway, I saw him then, six years later as a manager was giving me the tour. Ten minutes later we learned that he saw me, took off his apron, and quit on the spot.

Restaurants are just funny like that sometimes..

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