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Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Waitress Hits Customer With Coffee Pot; Becomes My Hero

Not a day go by it seems where there isn't a waiter or waitress in the news for something. Either a waiter is having his finger broken by a customer or a waitress is winning $104,000 on The Price Is Right. Today I see in the news that in the sleepy town of Beaufort, South Carolina a waitress was sent to jail for hitting a customer up against the side of her head with a coffee pot. The story goes that it was the overnight shift at the Waffle House and after waiting for 25 minutes to be served, a customer got into an argument with the waitress resulting in the head banging with said coffee pot. The police were called at 3:20 AM and they found what was believed to be marijuana in the waitress' apron pocket. Wait, you mean a waitress who works the overnight shift at the fucking Waffle House in Beaufort, South Carolina has to be on drugs in order to get through that hot mess? Color me surprised. No medical attention was needed which basically means the waitress didn't hit the lady hard enough. She was arrested on charges of misdemeanor assault and battery and possession of marijuana and then released on her own recognizance. To top it all off, she probably had to go back to the fucking Waffle House and finish her sidework which consisted of filling the syrups, stocking the butters and mopping the floor.

This story makes me sad. As usual, I wasn't there, but of course I side with the waitress. I imagine that the customer was some tired old hag who was siting in the smoking section and had been nursing her black coffee since she got off her cashier shift at the Piggly Wiggly down the street. (Okay, just so you know, I totally made up that there was a Piggly Wiggly down the street but a quick Google map search shows that there really is one! Ah, the south.)

The customer probably ordered the chocolate chip pancakes with toffee syrup and whipped cream and soon started screaming that she was starving and it was taking forever to get her food. The waitress looked at the computer and saw it had only been eight minutes and when she told the customer it hadn't really been "forever," the customer got all whiny and bitchy and called the waitress a name insulting her position as head waitress of the overnight shift at Waffle House. You know, because in the world of Beaufort, South Carolina a cashier at Piggly Wiggly is way above a waitress at Waffle House but still far below the position of stock manager at the Walmart Super Center which is also right down the street in the opposite direction of Piggly Wiggly. (Seriously, I Googled that too.) Our waitress, who may or may not have been buzzed on A&W Root Beer, sub-par bacon and marijuana, couldn't take it anymore and popped that bitch in the head with one of those metal coffee pots and said, "Bitch your fucking pancakes will be ready when they're ready, now shut the fuck up." Again, I was not there, so don't quote me. (And if you are reading this and you are either the waitress or the customer, how you doin?)

The whole story leaves us with a lot of questions:
  1. Why did the cops feel the need to search the waitress' apron?
  2. Did they have a search warrant or were they just looking for a pen to take notes with?
  3. Did the waitress get to keep her job?
  4. Did the customer ever get her chocolate chip pancakes?
  5. Who did the paper work and covered the floor after they carted the waitress' ass away? Surely there wasn't more than one waitress on the floor at the Waffle House at 3:20 AM.
  6. Have you entered the Bitchy Waiter Shoe Giveaway yet?
  7. Did the waitress learn that if she's gonna hit some bitch in the head with a coffee pot and go to jail for it, that she should at least do it hard enough to require medical attention?
  8. Have either of them tasted the Steak Quesadilla Towers at the Applebee's across the street? (Seriously, there is an Applebee's across the street. Beaufort sounds like a little piece of heaven.)
  9. Is marijuana really enough?
  10. Can the waitress please email me and tell me what it feels like to actually follow through on that "I wanna punch this bitch in the face" feeling?

Best wishes, Waffle House waitress. We servers are on your side.

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Margaret said...

Omigosh. I've been to Beauford! That'll be the talk of the town for months!! said...

Another great post. You are so damned funny.

I side with the waitress, too. I'm a closet Waffle House fan and my experience tells that each of these servers must have a very high threshhold for bullshit. They've seen every kind of sad-assed customer that crawls up to their yellow counter looking for something smothered and covered.

So, when a waitress hauls off and hits one of them, it must be because she had it coming!

Nancy said...

Please oh please if you hear from the waitress - please post it for all of us what it feels like to bitch slap a customer! Please!

Kayla said...

If she was still wearing her apron when she was arrested, they'd have patted her down with it on, thus finding the brilliantly hidden marijuana. No warrant necessary.

The Other Redhead said...

This lady is my new hero. Oh how I am dreamed of doing this before. If I was the owner of that Waffle House she would have the red carpet rolled out for her soon as she made bail.

Suzanne said...

Shiit. My very 1st waitress job was at a Waffle House. In addition to dealing with drunken morons, (customers AND coworkers), we had to wash the fucking dishes, hand-dry the damn silverware, and manually add up each ticket, including sales tax! It was 1996, but I do hope technology has made it a bit less of a pain in the ass to work there. Then again, it IS Waffle House. ;)

Megan said...

I worked at a Denny's overnight for several years. This girl is my hero!! :)

KB said...

Did you know that Beaufort rhymes with "you fert"? I lived in nearby Savannah, GA for a year a year ago and just thought I'd mention it. I totally can envision that scenario and am reminded that I am so glad I no longer reside in the south.
I was thinking this morning about starting my own blog, non-hospitality business related, but you have raised the bar so high with your delightful wit that I feel a little intimidated.

JoBo said...

Dear Bitchy,
I was gonna enter your contest & totally win since my pic has my Bitch Proud bracelet in it, but now I want that hard workin Waffle House Hero to win what would have most likely been MY shoes. Please.


TheGlorifiedWaitress said...

Just for the record..Waffle House doesn't have have to "call out" and "mark" the plates...(I used to slave there) and second...i doubt she waited 25 minutes for food at 3 am...are you KIDDING ME?? People looking for something for free. Go waitress!!!!!!!

Michael said...

Oh you're so silly....they don't have computers at the Waffle House!

clinish said...

Best. Post. Ever.

Unknown said...

"9. Is marijuana really enough?"
I almost snorted Chardonnay up my nose! Ha!

This reminds me of a movie with Al Pacino and Michelle Pfeiffer where she was a waitress in a coffee shop in NYC. She and her co-worker band together to get revenge on a customer. One server trips the other server, who has a coffee pot in hand. Hot coffee spills on the customer and hilarity ensues.

My personal weapon of choice, should I ever let dreams turn into reality, would be a pepper grinder. One of the ones at my restaurant is the size and weight of a child's baseball bat. Can you imagine the sound of that cracking against a douche bags skull? I sure can. Batter up!

Lolamouse said...

I love Waffle House! Their hash browns are to die for! Anyone with any sense knows that you DO NOT mess with Waffle House waitresses; they are some scary ass bitches, especially if they are working at 3 a.m.!

SkippyMom said...

My guess is either they are related by blood or one of them is dating/living with/married to the other's ex. They have to be well acquainted. Then again, small town living.

I can appreciate why the waitress snapped. I hope she is going to be okay. [Yes, I think I waitressed too long to have any sympathy for the loud mouth customer.]

NellieVaughn said...

I would have popped the customer twice.

Anonymous said...

I have visited Waffle Houses late at night. The male patrons, mostly truckers, are laid-back and flirtatious, but the female patrons are nearly all ill-tempered bitches! Send that Beaufort, SC, waitress a bouquet of honeysuckle and gardenias!

BTW... I have dealt with the general public. They always think that any atrocious behavior on their part is covered by the phrase, "the customer is ALWAYS right!" Whoever coined that dangerous over-quoted phrase needs to face a firing squad-- of sales clerks and waitresses!

Anonymous said...

you go girl!! the damn coffee pot cost more than your paycheck amounts to. I know I worked there for two weeks and couldnt take it any longer. o/ow (waffle house lingo order over well) well done!!!!!!!!!