This story makes me sad. As usual, I wasn't there, but of course I side with the waitress. I imagine that the customer was some tired old hag who was siting in the smoking section and had been nursing her black coffee since she got off her cashier shift at the Piggly Wiggly down the street. (Okay, just so you know, I totally made up that there was a Piggly Wiggly down the street but a quick Google map search shows that there really is one! Ah, the south.)
The customer probably ordered the chocolate chip pancakes with toffee syrup and whipped cream and soon started screaming that she was starving and it was taking forever to get her food. The waitress looked at the computer and saw it had only been eight minutes and when she told the customer it hadn't really been "forever," the customer got all whiny and bitchy and called the waitress a name insulting her position as head waitress of the overnight shift at Waffle House. You know, because in the world of Beaufort, South Carolina a cashier at Piggly Wiggly is way above a waitress at Waffle House but still far below the position of stock manager at the Walmart Super Center which is also right down the street in the opposite direction of Piggly Wiggly. (Seriously, I Googled that too.) Our waitress, who may or may not have been buzzed on A&W Root Beer, sub-par bacon and marijuana, couldn't take it anymore and popped that bitch in the head with one of those metal coffee pots and said, "Bitch your fucking pancakes will be ready when they're ready, now shut the fuck up." Again, I was not there, so don't quote me. (And if you are reading this and you are either the waitress or the customer, how you doin?)
The whole story leaves us with a lot of questions:
- Why did the cops feel the need to search the waitress' apron?
- Did they have a search warrant or were they just looking for a pen to take notes with?
- Did the waitress get to keep her job?
- Did the customer ever get her chocolate chip pancakes?
- Who did the paper work and covered the floor after they carted the waitress' ass away? Surely there wasn't more than one waitress on the floor at the Waffle House at 3:20 AM.
- Have you entered the Bitchy Waiter Shoe Giveaway yet?
- Did the waitress learn that if she's gonna hit some bitch in the head with a coffee pot and go to jail for it, that she should at least do it hard enough to require medical attention?
- Have either of them tasted the Steak Quesadilla Towers at the Applebee's across the street? (Seriously, there is an Applebee's across the street. Beaufort sounds like a little piece of heaven.)
- Is marijuana really enough?
- Can the waitress please email me and tell me what it feels like to actually follow through on that "I wanna punch this bitch in the face" feeling?
Best wishes, Waffle House waitress. We servers are on your side.