Service Charge for Gay People?

Oh what cost is it to be gay? Not only do the homosexuals of the world suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune they also have to learn to love shopping and decorating and learn to look fierce in skinny jeans. As if that didn't cost enough, now some restaurant in New York City thought it would be cute to put a surcharge on a check for customers being gay. Yes, a server named Theo actually added $0.01 onto a check with the message "you guys r gay." I scoured the Internet to try to figure out where this place was, but the only clue is at the bottom of the check where it says "Surf's up at the ranch." There is no place with the word "ranch" anywhere in the zip code of 10038. I think I know which restaurant it is, but I don't want to say it and then have people go to their website and get Theo fired. I just made that resolution yesterday, so no thanks.

Further examination makes me think that the two customers were not even gay, meaning that Theo was simply calling them gay because he must have the mind of a sixth grader. Why do I think the customers weren't gay? Because they ordered a Steel Reserve which is a beer and not a Cosmopolitan and they shared an order of French Fries. Gay men do not eat carbs; everyone knows that. Maybe Theo was a friend of theirs and he just thought it would be funny, but what if the two customers really were gay? How do you think they felt seeing that on their check? I'll tell you how I would feel. I would feel mother fucking insulted. First off, I am way more gay than one penny's worth. If I was going to be charged for being gay, it better be at least five or ten bucks. (On the pay-for-gay scale Zachary Quinto would pay $4.00, Ricky Martin would pay $8.75, Richard Simmons would be charged $15, Liberace would be charged $25 and Lispy Gay would have to take out a second mortgage on his home and hock his Department 56 Original Snow Village Collection in order to pay his fee. Yeah, Lispy Gay is that gay.)

It isn't the first time we have seen an errant message make it onto a check. A couple of years ago a server in England put on the check "Thank you, little fucker" referring to the bitchy-ass two-year old at the table. Oops. In all honesty, Theo probably did this as a joke to his friends and then his friends took a picture of it and sent it to Facebook and that was it. If it was real, those two customers would have called up the ACLU so quickly that it would have made Paul Lynde rise up from the dead, adjust his ascot and say "Hey, Sammy." But let this be a lesson to us all. If you have gay guys in your station, it is not okay to add a penny to their check. You add it to the credit card tip after they leave. Duh.

Click here to follow The Bitchy Waiter on Twitter.
Click here to find The Bitchy Waiter on Facebook.