What Happens in Vegas...

In all the land, there can't be anyplace else that has more severs per capita than Las Vegas, Nevada. I did absolutely no research regarding this, but I would assume that there are about fifty ba-jillion servers in that city. Give or take a billion. I have a feeling that there you can't throw a stale biscuit without it hitting a cocktail waitress. I also have a feeling that it can be a pretty miserable place to work. Think about it; the casinos are open 24 hours a day and every place offers a smoking or non-smoking-but-you-can-still-smell-it section. I have only been there a few times, but as I recall, all of the servers on the casino floor were ladies, so I bet guys are hard pressed to find a job there. Let's give it up for those casino floor cocktail waitresses, y'all.

As they meander around the room in their slutty looking uniforms with their tits hanging out, they breathe in second-hand smoke and take orders from people with nicotine stains on their lips and fingers. I bet the customers never bother taking their eyes off the slot machine in order to say thank you and since the drinks are usually free in the casinos, there are probably a lot of losers who don't bother tipping. The first time I was ever in Vegas, I was 21 years old. I had just dropped out of college and went there with my friend Erika. With a pocket full of singles, we headed to the slot machines and kept our eyes peeled for a "cocktail babe." The idea of free drinks as long as were playing was like a 21 year-old's heaven. "Hey Erika, you see a cocktail babe? I need another vodka cran." We would give them a dollar for every drink which in 1989 was pretty generous, we thought. In order to make our money last longer, we headed over to the nickle slots. It was also a great place to pretend that we were making a lot of money. Three dollars in nickels makes for a lot of clang-clanging when you hit a jackpot. The downside was that the cocktail babes didn't really pay much attention to the people in the nickel slot machine section. Why would they? Other than me and Erika, the section was full of old ladies with wicker purses.

I would think that the real money to be found in the Las Vegas cocktail waitress world is over by the high-rollers clubs. It probably takes years of experience and seniority to make it to that section and I bet all the servers there must be attentive, professional, efficient and friendly. Or have big ol' fake ass titties. I wonder if any of the waitresses try to learn the tricks of the trade while they're working. It would come in pretty handy if your section was in the blackjack area and you spent your downtime learning all about card counting so you could finally throw that tray down and make some real money. Or I guess prostitution is always a viable option.

I have a couple of friends who play a lot of poker online at some place called CasinoTop10.net. They're pretty good at it but it just doesn't seem right to me. Unless the website is going to offer me complimentary Vodka gimlets as I sit on my computer, I'll pass. Of course, my friends are actually good at gambling and they do it for reasons other than the free drinks. I don't understand it, but more power to 'em. If I need a gambling fix, I'll just buy a scratch-off lottery ticket or take the express bus to Atlantic City.

I'd love to hear from some Las Vegas servers. Any of you out there? Comment please and give us a glimpse into your life. Do you make a lot of money? Do you get sick of dealing with tourists all the time? Has your boob ever flopped out of your uniform?

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