The cafe is a place I have frequented many times. The waitress was sweet and efficient and I don't blame her for anything, but it pissed me off. I ordered a cranberry scone and yes I wanted it toasted and buttered. Doesn't everyone? Who would order a scone any other way? That's like ordering toast and being asked if I want it to be toasted. “Yes, I want it toasted. If I didn't want it toasted, I would have asked for bread.” I was not told that butter would be an upcharge, but there it was on my check: fifty cents. It's not like I asked for a scone dipped in gold or sprinkled with diamonds. I just wanted some goddamn butter. I paid the bill without bitching about it, but mark my words: I will never go there again. Fifty cents for butter? I was so angry that oleo was dripping from my ears. (Full disclosure: it wasn't oleo, it was vodka. And It wasn't dripping from my ears. It was seeping from my pores.)
I have never ordered a case of butter packets but I am pretty sure that a box of butter packets comes in a quantity of 300. That means that Greedy McGreed Greed is making $150 on every box of butter packets when he probably paid about$7.38 according to a Sam's Warehouse website. That is margarine madness, I tell you! Mr Cafe Owner, I am ashamed of you. And Paula Deen is even more upset because charging that much for butter is a down-right sin.
I left the cafe after resentfully paying the additional fifty cents but here I am days later still pissed off about it. If I was teenager, I would want to go egg his store but since I am a fully grown mature adult, what I will probably do is go to his restaurant one night and smear the windows with I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. That would be much more apropos for the situation, don't you agree? Have you ever cleaned butter from a pane of glass? Yeah, me either but I bet it's a pain in the ass.
I understand that the cafe owner has to make ends meet, so I offer these other suggestions for him to earn some extra cash:
- He can add a "Baby Tax" to all those who come in with a child. More than once I have gone in there only to be surrounded by strollers and moms so why not take advantage of those breeders and tack an extra five bucks on them?
- He could always order some cheap ass silicone bracelets and then charge $3.00 for them.
- Charge extra for things that people are used to paying extra for like cream cheese and bacon, not butter. Butter is expected.
- If he really wants to make some extra money on the butter, he could invest in some butter-flavored lip balm so people can rub it across their scone and then take it home with them when they are done.
- Just raise the price of the fucking scone so I don't see what a cheap ass you are by charging me fifty cents for butter, you tight wad twat.
If you'll excuse me, I am going to go to my fridge now and tell the sticks of butter how much I love and appreciate them. Has anyone else seen a restaurant that charges for butter on toast or a scone? C'mon, say it ain't so.