Since I don't know your names, I want to make sure you know that this letter is about you and for you. Let me describe you: two middle-aged women. The one on my left had hair that was in desperate need of a hot creatine oil injection while the one to my right looked like she had just used the last of her gift certificate to Casual Corner. You drank a Grey Goose and Tonic and a Desert Sunrise and then you ordered another round. You shared an an arugula salad, curry mussels and the penne pasta special. Recognize yourselves? Okay, good.
We open at 5:00 so yes, it was absolutely alright that you knocked on the door at 5:01 to point at your watches and remind us that we were one whole minute late from unlocking our doors. I apologize for that. You see, it was just that the kitchen staff was a little bit behind that day so they didn't make our shift meal until 4:52. When you knocked on the front door one minute after we opened, we were still sitting down eating our dinner. But don't worry. I finished eatin in the side stand while standing up. It was our fault for waiting so late to eat.
I am also sorry that I was unable to accommodate your request to seat you on the patio. You see, it's just that it had been raining all day and it had only stopped raining about 15 minutes before you arrived. I simply hadn't had time to go wipe down all eight tables and all 16 chairs with a dry cloth so that it would be ready for seating. Since the weather forecast had predicted continuous rain all evening, it seemed unlikely that anyone would want to sit there as rain water dripped from the tress and the tables sat in puddles of water. Again, my fault.
It was nice talking to you about Coney Island. Remember how we talked about that? Dry-Hair-Lady, you mentioned that you were thinking of going to ride the Cyclone and I told you that I was pretty sure it didn't open until after Memorial day so don't go all the way out there unless you know for sure. You thanked me for that. After all, we both know how long of a subway ride it is, right? I shared that story about the time my friend and I went out there and it was closed and how disappointed we were. Casual-Corner-Lady, you seemed like you were too busy to talk because you were investing all of your energy into your cocktail and your cell phone. I thought the three of us had a good thing going. We chatted and laughed and you loved everything.
Your check was $66.41. You left $68.00 which meant I got a tip for $1.59. What the fuck is your problem? I was totally nice to you, I got your food and drinks out so fucking fast, I apologized for not having the front door unlocked on time and you loved your food. Is 2.4% your idea of a good tip? Well, I got news for you ladies: it's not. Had I known that you were going to leave me a completely crap tip, maybe I would have left the door locked and finished my shift meal in peace. Don't bother coming back to the restaurant again unless you are showing up with an apology and $11.59 to cover the rest of what you should have left me. It's people like you who give dry fly-away hair and the good customers of Casual Corner a bad name. I don't like you. If you come back in, I will not be nice. You suck and you wasted my time.
Love,
The Bitchy Waiter
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15 comments:
I feel like I waited on the same ladies. I was opening one shift and we open at 11am. Around 10:45 these two middle aged women tried opening the door, realized it was locked then plopped themselves on the bench in front of the restaurant. Every 5 minutes they tried opening the door until finally at 11:01 we opened. They gave me attitude for not opening earlier and making them wait. THEN THEY SAT THEMSELVES in my section! Long story short they complained that everything took too long and used that as an excuse to not tip and pay most of there check in small coin change.
That happens to me constantly. My place of employment also opens at 11am and I detest working the lunch shift because people have this idea that just because a McDonald's is down the street, that we, a sit down restraunt, should have the same speed. I get told multiple times in a lunch shift "could you please make it fast? We are in a hurry." No, I am a server not a cook. So no, I can't make it fast. And even if I could, I wouldn't because I can see you scowling at me across the dining room while I have 5 other tables and your Mountain Dew is low and god forbid you have to wait 10 minutes for a pizza. I know you will use this as an excuse not to tip me, so I'm going to put your Dew and your pizza as the last thing on my priority list and maybe you will learn not to be such a cantankerous whore.
Those two ladies probably left there thinking they had done you a favor. The nerve of people...
They sound horrible.
But a Desert Sunrise sounds good. What is that?
I know, right? Lunch shifters are always "in a hurry"
answered I love your post! You're my hero BW.
Casual Corner still exists? I thought they went out of business in the late 1980's.
It's kind of hard to give Casual Corner a bad name, so that woman earns my admiration for her abilities. When I lived in CT I saw their corporate office. So many unhappy souls....
An ex-boyfriend once tipped a waitress fifty cents because she said she liked 50 cent. I was not present, nor was I amused.
I always thought it was me, with Casual Corner.
I had the absolute pleasure of serving the younger version of your middle aged non-tipping women. She comes in Sunday morning to our establishment that overlooks the lake in a dress that should have been a shower curtain. Of course she decides she would like breakfast on the patio. After 5 bloody mary's, her kids and friends ordering enough food to feed a family of 4 with the stuff they didn't eat; the queen of the country called RUDE, pays her 119.68 bill with 126.00 cash with the words "keep the change," as if it was her royal duty to be somewhat nice. I have one special tip of advice to the "queen".... If you would have left a decent tip for all of your trouble and demands as I could not serve anyone else until you were done demanding different things while I was trying to set your breakfast in front of you, maybe I would have picked up your plates when you were done eating while you sat with your other female friend discussing the next splitting of the atom or world peace. I hope you enjoyed the flies and the bees that hovered around sampling your wasted food.
I was called in one night specifically to wait on a party of 12. They were there for 3.5 hours, spent about $130, we all had a good time laughing and joking and they were super nice, things were awesome, etc etc etc etc.... Then they tipped $12!
The worst fucking part, however, was that when I totaled the bill (we do handwritten checks) I accidentally taxed the booze (for anyone who doesn't know, there is no tax on booze. At least not in NY; I don't know if it's a state-by-state thing or if that's just how it is everywhere) and realized my mistake when I rang it into the register.
That means: This table MEANT to tip me only $8 for a $130 bill, and almost 4 hours! I was so pissed off that I went into the back and broke down in tears! (Also because this was not the first time it's happened to me. Another $130 table one time gave me $10.)
I just don't understand some people!!
However, when that happens, I always try to think of the best tip I ever received, and that helps me to remember that there really ARE some good people out there somewhere! Someone left me a $20 tip on a $19 bill. And on top of that, he was just such a pleasure to have in my section that night that I wouldn't have minded if he had given me an average tip. Sometimes, when I have ONE good person amongst all the shitty and rude tables, I almost think I would pay THEM just to stay and be nice to me!!
i agree with everything you say about the kids TODAY. in my day there would have been swift decisive action taken by my parents as well as punishment when i got home.
it seems that parents don't really know how to raise them.i believe the environment as well as parents inability to raise a kid.
i remember hilary clinton and her line about taking a village to raise a child. well raising a child also includes behavior, but don't any one ever discipline some one elses child!!!
what it comes down to is lack of discipline as well as respect for ones elders.
i always took pride in knowing the names of every adult i ever met.
it was mr. miss or mrs.
I will never understand people who consistently UNDERTIP..$1.59??? what the holy hell is that? a trip to Dollar Tree to get one item? Anyone knows that wasn't cool. Period.
At least now I know I am not alone... had a check of $50 all food was correct, everything on time, even was able to guess what the little kid wanted when he was too shy to ask me himself.... what was my tip??? literally 0.... didn't even sign the check ugh i hate people
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