Another Kid Gets Drunk at a Restaurant

I always considered my childhood a good one. I had two loving parents and two younger brothers and I remember being a happy child. It turns out my youth was not as idyllic as I thought, because not once was I ever given booze by a waitress who wasn't paying attention. Man, my childhood sucked. Well, everything old is new again, because we have reports of yet another child getting drunk on the sweet nectar. If it's not a drunk ass baby The Olive Garden then it's a drunk ass baby at Applebee's.

A restaurant in Clearwater, Florida is the latest establishment to be all trendy by serving liquor to a child. Two moms took their kids on a Mother's day outing to a place called Frenchy's South Beach Cafe. The kids had earned a "special treat" so the moms ordered them each a virgin strawberry daiquiri. The waitress hit the wrong button on the computer and the next thing they knew, two four year olds were partying like rock stars at Club Med. One of them drank the whole daiquiri in ten minutes which says two things: number one, frozen daiquiris are the bomb and number two, this kid a has a real future as a lush. The other child did not drink his which says one of two things: either the kid was holding out for a Guinness or the moms only ordered one strawberry daiquiri and they are saying that both kids drank them so the story sounds all that much more dramatical. Looking at the receipt, I only see one strawberry daiquiri, so "I'll go with 'moms being all dramatical,' for a thousand Alex."

 

Shortly after though, one kid "started acting a little strange, falling asleep, stumbling over things … then he started vomiting." Damn four year olds, can't ever hold their liquor. The child was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance where the doctors were probably like, "Yes a four year old should not be drinking daiquiris. I would suggest starting out with something like a wine cooler or maybe a gin and tonic. Also, it helps if they drink plenty of water as they go on their alcohol binge and always follow it up with a banana and an aspirin."

No charges are expected to be filed against the restaurant or the waitress since it was pretty clear that this was an accident and there was no intention to get a kid trashed on Mother's Day. The moms, understandably, want some kind of system in place so this doesn't "happen to another child, where they die," said one overly dramatic mom. It's called "plastic cups," people. That way you know that nothing alcoholic ever goes into plastic, kids never have a glass that might have alcohol in it and it also means when the kid knocks that shit over (and they will) the glass won't break.

It does seem to be happening a lot lately or maybe it happened all the time and thanks to videos and stories "going viral" we just hear about it more often now. Either way, it's my cue to go to Party City and buy myself a baby costume and head right over to my nearest Olive Garden, Applebee's or Frenchy's South Beach cafe and order a smoothie and keep my fingers crossed that it will show up as  a cocktail but they will only charge me the non-alcoholic beverage price.



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