Do you have an issue that The Bitchy Waiter can help you with? Job, personal, relationships? You name it. You can email me here . Or just email me to say hello. It makes me happy. Let's see what we find in the mailbag today:
Dear Bitchy Waiter,
I consider myself to be an ideal customer. I am polite, good tipper, not too picky. I have one pet peeve that will put a black cloud over my dining experience. I do not consider myself a slow eater but I absolutely hate it when I am enjoying the appetizer I ordered and then the salad comes 2 minutes later. Or if I am still eating my soup and the entree is brought out. Can they not see that I am obviously not ready for that food? I do get an attitude and I will ignore the new food on purpose and make sure they see me taking my time getting to it. I hesitate to send it back "until I'm ready" for fear I will piss them off. What is the best way to handle this situation?
Dear Still Eating,
On behalf of all waiters please accept my heartfelt apology that they brought your food out too soon. Yes, that can be annoying I know. But the one thing that I find even more troubling in your letter is that you order an app and then follow it with a salad. Salad? After an app? I don't get it. Maybe a salad as an app or maybe a salad for an entree, but what kind of sick health nut are you that you require an app and a salad? Maybe it's my upbringing in Texas, but to me the salad is the thing that you have to eat as soon as possible so it is out of the way and you can then focus on the real food. Like mashed potatoes and chicken fried steak. But back to your problem. I think you should just say when you order that you want to make sure the first course is finished before the next one comes out. I don't imagine that any server is going to care that much and worst case scenario is that shit will sit under a heat lamp until you are ready for it. By accepting the food and then letting it sit there on your table as you take your time to get to it seems like it's only making things worse for yourself. Trust me. The waiter doesn't care if you are trying to prove a point by making sure he sees you ignoring the food. All he's thinking is, "Whatever. If you don't want it yet, just tell me to take it back to the kitchen and keep it warm." If you don't say anything, they aren't going to do anything. In the future, just order your app and entree and just tell them to not bring out the entree until you are ready for it. Or you could always hold off on your entree order until you are almost done with the app. That will work too.
Most importantly though, chill out on the salad. Eat some fried cheese sticks.
The Bitchy Waiter