The Facts of Life

"You take the good, you take the bad, you take 'em both and there you have, the facts of life." And one fact if life is that all good things must come to an end. I am one sour bitch today because my vacation is over. Within a few hours, I will be back in New York City where according to my averagely-smart phone, the weather is cloudy and rainy with a 95% chance of I-hate-it-here. I had some great service here in South Beach. The one thing I noticed though is that almost every single server was in no hurry to give us our check. Maybe it's because the tip is already included and they were like, "whatever" but I hate waiting for my check. When my cocktail is empty and my plate has been licked clean (seriously, I have no shame when it comes to a good sauce), I want my check. This is even more important when I am on vacation because I am ready to get to the next activity whether it be parsailing, jet skiing, visiting a museum to see a cultural art exhibit based on the trails and tribulations of Floridians who fled Cuba or just going to the next bar to see what their happy hour is. (Most of those activities are things that I never even considered doing, by the way.) As of this morning I learned to simply ask for my check as soon as the food arrived so I could be on my way.

So it's back to New York City and I must put up a front. My exterior must remain tough and strong even though inside I am a soft mass of messy emotion. I liken myself to television's Jo Polniaczek from The Facts of Life played by serious actress Nancy McKeon. Sure, on the outside she was a tough as nails, no-nonsense closet dyke who never let anyone see her soft side. (Well, Blair saw her soft side one time but that was after one too many California Coolers and they swore they would never talk about that occurrence again even though Tootie was spying on them and saw the whole thing and then told Natalie who told Mrs. Garrett, but whatever.) Jo hid her emotions so people would think she was a real tough cookie. I shall play Jo today. My face will say, "Meh, my vacation's over. No biggie.' My heart is saying, "What the fuck? I have to go back to making my own meals? And who is going to do my turn-down service? And when I need ice, I will have to go to my kitchen to get it instead of dialing housekeeping? This sucks! This sucks!" On the outside, my eyes are dry. On the inside they are wet with tears. And they might be a little bit bloodshot.

Happy Birthday, Nancy McKeon. Born on April 4, 1966!