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Thursday, April 28, 2011

No Money For a Tip? Then Stay at Home

It's been said hundreds of times before but I guess it needs to be said once again. If you don't have enough money to leave a tip when you go out, please do not go out. Yes, waiting tables is very fulfilling on many different levels, but tips are still needed. The picture you see is what someone left in lieu of a tip last night. It is not from someone named Erin as it appears, but a message to my fellow server, Erin. Not only was the customer broke, he also does not know what commas are for. Or maybe he thought a comma would cost extra. Seeing that Erin and I pool our tips, half of that no tip was mine. Let's see. If his bill was $30 and he left no tip, fifty percent of it is mine. Fifty percent of nothing is... nothing. But thankfully, he left this delightfully apologetic note for us to split instead. Erin simply tossed it into the trash, but I reached in and pulled that bitch out because not only did I want to scan it for this blog post, I want to try to deposit it into the bank today and see how it goes.

The broke guy was nice enough, as poor people often are. When he first paid the bill, he gave me $11.00 and told me to put the balance on his raggedy ass credit card. I gave the card to Erin who swiped it only to see it get declined. He then coughed up a twenty dollar bill to cover the rest of the check. Broke Guy, listen to me: if you can't afford to tip, don't go out. And if you insist on going out, don't order $9.00 Amstel Lights. Maybe you should order the less expensive bottled water instead so you can throw me and Erin a couple of bucks rather than passing us this pathetic note instead.

So I am now on my way to the bank with the note and I'll just try to deposit it as six dollars since that is what the tip should have been. If the bank won't take it, I will then go to the grocery store and try it there. If they won't accept it, I will just put it in my wallet and wait until the next time I see the crazy lady on the 7 train who plays the recorder and asks for donations. Surely she can appreciate the note.

Let's review: tips should be money. They should not be thank-you notes, candy, scripture verses on the back of what appears to be a dollar, phone numbers, panties, coupons or a sweet little note explaining to me that you're broke. None of those things help me pay my bills. Even pennies are worth shit today, so keep 'em. If I see the guy again, when he orders his Amstels I'm going to hand him a note that says: Sorry I'm tired Broke Guy.



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14 comments:

jessie said...

SO TRUE. I was a waitress at my previous job and I absolutely cannot stand when people don't tip, whether they're broke or if they just don't 'believe in tipping'. People just don't get it. It's even worse when someone pays with a 50 or a 100 dollar bill and leave a dollar. Or nothing.

Tonya said...

I hate the Jesus tracts the most. I had a customer hand me one once while I was pre-bussing and I just crumpled it up and threw it on top of the plate with the rest of his refuse.

One of my coworkers got a tip once that looked like a $50 bill but when you opened it up it said, "Disappointed? Jesus will never let you down." with directions to a church.Now, who the hell would see something like that and think, "Oh Hell yes! THIS is a group of people I want to associate with!" That's never happened in the history of ever so why do people spend their money on Jesus tracts? Spend the money on beefing up your 10% tip.

Mary A. said...

What would Jesus do? He'd fucking leave a tip.

"Give to Caesar what is Ceasar's". . .

dirtydisher said...

Assholes!!!!!!!!!!!

Tonya, if anyone gave me a jesus tip I WOULD attempt to stick it up their ass. Someone would have to call the cops and hold me down. ASSHOLES.

Jasmine said...

My fiance and I were just talking about this the other day. He's not even a waiter (and never was) and he can't stand when people don't leave a decent tip. We try to leave at least 25%. One time we tipped out waitress 50% because we did not feel like making her go get change, and she treated us very well anyway. We don't go out to eat everyday and when we do it's a treat, and we make sure our server gets tipped well... unless they were extremely rude and acted as if we were bothering them. We'll tip, but not so much now. :P

emily illinois said...

I love it that you are doing a job for someone and not getting paid for it. Tips don't = extra $$ for people. Tips are your actual paycheck...Some fuckers don't seem to understand that. And that's why I think everyone should have to work in the service industry for 6 months of their life. Everyone would be a little more respectful and grateful.

The Empress said...

Hopefully the next time it's payday for broke guy, his boss will look at him and say "sorry for working all week long but we already paid Billy Bob and Lindy Lou. There isn't any money left for you". Being broke sucks but having people serve your broke ass for free is rude.

Original_Wacky said...

Noy only should everybody have to work in the service industry for at least one year of their lives, they should have to serve people exactly like them selves! Somebody has to provide me with EXCEPTIONALLY horrid service not to get a tip, and you can be sure I will let them (and their manager) know exactly why. Otherwise, I try to be very very generous with my tips.Somehow I always seem to get pretty good service. Heheh.

Tonya said...

I saw an episode of Wife Swap years ago where a spoiled little bitch was rude to her waitress so they made her wait on the waitress. I would PAY for that privilege.

m!chael said...

Awesome post!!!! So true, too. Seriously, if you can't afford to leave a decent tip, stay home or go some place where a tip is not expected.

carmar76 said...

funny that i should read this post tonight. my mom & i went out for mexican, and normally she pays the bill & i pay the tip. but tonight she didn't have any cash. i only had about $20 - so, in order to be able to leave a tip, we ordered water. there is no reason for the waitstaff to suffer because i didn't stop at the ATM before dinner!

Ela said...

I always try to leave good tips. My ex-boyfriend and I once fought because he thought I tipped too much.

giannis said...

I have to say something about this one. A REGULAR who never tips over 10% decided to leave me NO TIP....as if 10 percent wasnt insulting enough he leaves nothings...so I was a lil buzzed when that happened so I went up to him, and asked " did I do something wrong " he goes " no, no at all", and I answered " why did you not tip me ?, and he said " i had no more cash", me : " but you paid with a credit card", cheap customer:" I left you a poem under my glass", me : "you did what ?????", " i left you a poem about your illuminating presence ", me : speechless. I let it go...what ???? I have the poem btw....are you kidding me ???

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to point out that while it might not have been indicative to this particular person, but some people can't afford to go out to eat and can only save enough to go out for say, their birthday or some special occasion. Please keep in mind that who you should be blaming is the company that makes you work for tips, not the people who are suffering because of the economy.