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Friday, April 8, 2011

Movin' On Up

Oh, the celebrities that I come into contact with while working in New York City. It is truly amazing. The opportunities to serve the rich and famous are endless here. Just a few weeks ago I was in the presence of Joan Rivers while working at a trade show. Coincidentally, it was about the third or fourth time I have bumped into her over the years. She has more of a presence in my life than some of my family members. I was in an elevator with her once and during the ride up she entertained us all by describing all the things she could do with her decorator to that ten by ten foot space. You know I have waited on Katy Perry (shh, don't tell the job or I might get fired) and have come into contact with Angela Lansbury. I once served the old man who played Palmer Courtland on All My Children and one time Connie Chung bumped into me as I tried to pass her with a tray of appetizers. This week, I had yet another brush with greatness. A true television icon came into my life and although he did not sit in my station, I did say hello to him. This man has done film, television, Broadway and concerts. His mere presence made my knees quake and my stomach flutter. Ladies and gentleman, I give to you Damon Evans:

Okay, what? You don't know who Damon Evans is? He starred in The Jeffersons as George and Louise's son, Lionel. He actually replaced another actor who played Lionel first and then the first Lionel came back and booted Damon Evans off the show again. It was sorta the way Roseanne had two different Becky's, remember? Damon Evans was the more snobby version of Lionel like Sarah Chalke was the more pretty version of Becky. Anyhoo, Mr. Evans came into the club and I was hoping he would sit in my station so I could ask him if that guy who played Ralph the Doorman was as fucking irritating as he seemed to be. I had other questions for him too:
  1. Why did Mr. Bentley act like he was such a ladies man when he seemed so freakin' gay?
  2. Whatever happened to Mother Jefferson? I guess she died, but couldn't they have given her a "very special episode" or some shit like that?
  3. I know you loved your wife Jenny and her parents were an inter-racial couple, but wasn't her father a total goober? And what did Helen ever see in Tom Willis anyway?
  4. I loved the theme song that was sung by Ja'net Dubois (Willona from Good Times) and can you get me an mp3 of that for free?
  5. Y'all were nominated for Emmy awards all the time and never won. Did that suck?
  6. Was Marla Gibbs as funny as she seemed when she played Florence?
  7. Did you ever want to kick the ass of the first Lionel after he came back and took your cushy sweet television sitcom gig?
  8. Did you know that whenever I go bowling I put Isabel Sanford as my name in the computer? I'm funny.
  9. What would you like to drink?
Alas, he did not sit in my station. I could only admire him from afar and send out positive vibes from my side of the room. Damon Evans, if you ever read this, I totally would have been honored to get your drink for you. Next time you come in, just ask to sit in the station of The Bitchy Waiter. Tell the host. He'll know who I am.

(For all of you who have no idea what the fuck The Jeffersons is, you should be ashamed of yourselves. Go to Netflix right now and educate yourselves.)

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Mary A. said...

He was the CUTE Lionel! The one that made my parents afraid I'd date a black man!

But you know who was REALLY cute? Jenny's passing brother. The one who lived in France.

The Bitchy Waiter said...

Mary A, I agree. Her brother was hot.

Bouncin' Barb said...

OMG, I forget Jenny had a brother. Wow, that was awhile go. Loved George and Weezie's fights. They were a hoot.

Gabriele Agustini said...

Love this!! And I loved the sitcom too!!
Have a great weekend!

Eden said...

10x10 is a very big elevator. Bigger than my bedroom anyway.