CBS Sunday Morning Will Have The Bitchy Waiter, 11/20

I have on my hiking boots and my safety rope because I am climbing high onto a stack of pancakes to yodel out some news: I went to CBS yesterday to record my two and a half minute commentary for CBS Sunday Morning which will air this Sunday, November 20th. Of course since it's a news show, they can't 100% guarantee that my piece will be on because if some major world event happens, I guess the first thing to be cut would be the guy with weird hair who is telling people how to act when they go to a restaurant. So assuming Occupy Wall Street stays calm and no major wars break out, you can expect to see me on television this weekend.




It was very exciting to show up at CBS studios and have a reason to be there. The receptionist asked if I had ever visited before and I declined mentioning the time I was there for my semi-final interview for the first season of Survivor. (Yes, I could have been Richard Hatch!) I was escorted to hair and make-up where the hair lady told me, "Your hair is fabulous; I'm not touching it." The make-up lady on the other hand got out her trowel and started piling on the foundation. Since I look like a broke down Gene Wilder and I had three margaritas the night before, she had her work cut out for her, poor thing. When she was finally done, I think she needed a nap or at least a hug.

The producer made a few last minute changes to my commentary and put me in front of a camera and told me to "go." Was this really happening? Did CBS let me write 504 words about what I want the world to know about waiters and now I get to say it to the over 4,000,000 viewers of the show? Amazing. It went great. I did about eight or nine takes and only flubbed one word one time. My goal was to impress them so they'd think, "Hmmm, you know Andy Rooney's office is vacant..." And I also want them to know that I don't have to write about food service just because my veins happen to run with maple syrup and when I cry, my tears are made of balsamic vinaigrette. Once it airs, don't be surprised when I ask you to go to their website and beg them to bring me back. I know none of you would be surprised, because you know how desperate I am for the attention and if I didn't do that, you'd be disappointed in me.

So set your DVR's and Tivo's for Sunday, November 20 at 9:00 AM EST. And thank you to everyone who initially went to the CBS Sunday Morning Facebook Page and mentioned me because if it wasn't for you, I never would have had the opportunity. Now all we have to do is hope that nothing in the program changes and they don't leave my ass on the cutting room floor. If that should happen, I will be very depressed and drink tequila until I can feel no emotions. So basically like any other Sunday morning, yeah.

Would you do me a favor and "like" this? It just takes a click and every little click helps me take the next step to where I want to go: manager of my own Houlihan's!!