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Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Home Sweet Bitchy Home

That noise you hear off in the distance is the sound of my apron having the crud scraped off of it because tomorrow at this time I will tie that bitch around my waist and start waiting tables again. Hopefully, I will not accidentally tie it around my neck instead. After ten days off so I could go on obli-cation to see family in Texas, tomorrow I go back to work. I want to say thank you to all the guest bloggers who filled in for me while I was off having my way with bar-b-q, fried foods and humidity. They were all great. And thank you for still coming to the blog even though I was in a gravy-induced coma.

While in Texas, I was the customer on several occasions and not once did I mention to any of my servers that they should come visit my blog. Maybe it was because I was taking a break from being The Bitchy Waiter or maybe it was because I was too drunk to remember to give out my business cards or maybe it was because I don't even have any to give out.

Regardless, I had some great food and service in Texas. Thanks to our waiter at Haven in Houston who was on the ball with drinks and food and even hopped into the conversation when he heard us discussing Angela Lansbury. (Don't judge. I sometimes discuss Angela Lansbury over dinner.)

A shout out to our waitress at Texican Cafe (the one in Manchaca!) who was super cool when she saw my whole family strolling into her station. Yes, I was part of a ten-top with three kids and she never batted an eyelash. She rocked it and got everything exactly right.

Thank you to the food truck on SoCo in Austin that gave me a Mexican Coke and the best damn falafel I have had in a really long time. And also thanks to that shaved ice food truck that hooked me up with a wonderful watermelon flavored cup of deliciousness.

To the lady who served me chicken fried steak at Luby's cafeteria on Waugh in Houston: nice hair net. And to the server at Luby's: not sure why I was tipping you. I got my own food, carried it to the table, got my own straw and napkins. Thanks for the to-go box I guess?

To the counter guy at Whataburger in Giddings, Texas: way to work that cash register, dude. And thanks to the guy who brought our food to us after we sat down. To everyone else eating at Whataburger, I hope you only eat there once every three or four years like I do, because all y'all were really really fat. I mean the medium Coke was 32 ounces. C'mon!

A hearty thank you to our server at The Gristmill River Restaurant in Gruene, Texas. I am sorry that my 7 year old nephew had a min breakdown after he dropped his menu off the side of the patio sending it towards the Guadalupe River. And to the people who were smoking at the next table to us, thanks for moving when we asked you to. (Hey, Texas, wake up and smell the cigarette smoke. Get rid of the smoking sections already.)

I also want to say thank you to all the Bitchy Waiter readers who invited me to their restaurant. I wish I could have come to see all of you so you could give me free shit and I could leave you 50% tips, but next time.

I am back in New York City and ready to start bitching and writing again. Bring on the bitch!

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Jill said...

Welcome home. You never fail to make me laugh.

Mary A. said...

Missed you lots! And kept my eyes peeled in case you wandered into CC.

Practical Parsimony said...

You asked smokers to move and they moved? I would have thought smokers would tell you to move if you were not happy. Good deal! Maybe they thouoght you had a concealed weapon?

Toniah said...

Missed you, dude!. Hope your obli-cation rocked