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Thursday, July 8, 2010

Inspiration from Lindsay Lohan

I am not a fan of the Lindsay Lohan. Anyone who is handed a career on a silver platter like she was and then throws it aside gets absolutely no respect from me. I don't really care that her ass is going to the pokey for 90 days or that her film work is in the toilet. It makes no difference to me, because I don't go see her movies and the only reason I ever know about her in the first place is because the media shoves it down my throat. Really, CNN? Breaking news? (Full disclosure: I don't watch CNN. I watch E! News Daily, Entertainment Tonight, The Insider and read every trashy Hollywood blog out there.) Perhaps you saw her crying in court yesterday and constantly wiping tears away with her well-manicured hand. But have you heard what was written on one of her fingernails? A teeny tiny "fuck u" right there on her middle finger. Is it possible that the waste of space known as Lindsay Lohan has inspired me to decorate my own cuticles with similar writings? It could be like a subliminal message every time I hand a customer a drink. I want to reach into my desk drawer right now and pull out my finest fine point Sharpie and go to town on every single fingernail. Get ready customers, because starting tomorrow, my fingernails have a message for you:
  1. tip me
  2. hurry up
  3. no lemons
  4. no hot tea
  5. no substitutions
  6. 25%
  7. ur dumb
  8. www.thebitchywaiter.com
  9. not listening 2 u
  10. as soon as I get home I am going to write a blog post about you because it is the only way I can get through my day without reaching across the table and strangling you with my apron strings.



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17 comments:

Keda said...

What a wonderful idea from such an uninspirational source... Lindsay Lohen deserves a wake up call. And waiters deserve to get loads of tips.

Taschima Cullen said...

Lindsay Lohan is such an ungrateful little sod. I like your idea. I work in the fast food business (I'm 17 and it's my first and the only job I could get) and I wouldn't mind writing some stuff like that on my fingernails... Instead of greeting a customer with a leer I could show him my pinkie finger which will saw "piss off".

PS;Love your blog.

Nikita said...

THAT is not her index finger; it is her middle finger... The one to it's right is... :P

Great find though! :)

Rima Kaur said...

it's not her index finger that says fuck you but her middle one.

Lynne H. said...

Great idea you have there. hey, maybe you could train her to work in the jails kitchen??

You are to funny..

Chrissy said...

@Keda: Its too late for Lindsay...She missed that bus along time ago..She's a product of lousy parenting.. Father is a druggie and mama is just there riding on her daughter's coat tails.. and the ride has just ended.

Jasmine said...

I agree. You are the 3rd person on my blog list to write about this today!

The Ranter's Box said...

I'm with you. I wish she would just go the fuck away once and for all. Between her, Paris Hilton and those tools Jake& Vienna, I say enough already!!... Though I suppose it is true that you CAN find inspiration anywhere. Can't wait to see a photo of your new manicure Bitchy Waiter!

芸茂芸茂 said...

走過路過~不能錯過~哈哈............................................................

JillyAn said...

LOLOL...I couldn't agree more! That girl exists just to suck up decent people's oxygen. The media gets enchanted over every famous headcase, drug addict, loer and philanderer that comes along (Anna Nicole, Micheal Jackson, and every politician that ever slithered out from under a rock).

I've been enjoying your blog and your cynical wit for several weeks now. Thanks!

JillyAn said...

Oh hell...how did I forget about Kate Gosselin...the biggest waste of skin that ever spread her legs and plopped out a litter. The woman is a breed sow...uterus for hire. I don't understand the media facination with some bipolar narcissist who has no business owning a dog nevermind raising 8 children.

Queen of the Rant said...

I hate that I am obsessed with this crap! But I like the idea of words on your nails too, but what was she thinking? The judge probably noticed and thats why she got jail time, I would have done the same thing-fuck me no fuck u-90 days in jail hunny!

Bob said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bob said...

I always knew she was a giver and a role model.
I'd like to nominate her for sainthood, AFTER jail and rehab of course.

StephersG said...

The only story about Lindsay Lohan just caught my eye for a moment before I looked away, completely unbothered. She could have had the career that most would kill for and she has chucked it away. I am glad she has gone away, it will hopefully help to sort her out. She has issues and needs to consider where she wants her life to go! But great blog! :D x

Mary A. said...

Don't forget:

I h8 ur kid

Sara said...

I want to put the salad dressings on my fingernails so I don't have to keep repeating them to the dumbasses that can't read the menu.