Maybe my psychic powers have gone. I certainly hope not, because I still play the lottery numbers that I dreamed about 23 years ago and I know that someday they are going to come up. Yolanda Vega is going to whisper those six sweet digits into her microphone and they will be handing over one of those gigantic checks made out to The Bitchy Waiter. I will now look into the bottom of my cup of tea and read the leaves to see what else I see in the near future. These are my latest predictions:
- Bristol Palin will win Dancing With the Stars prompting her mother Sarah to follow the surge of victory and run for president in 2012 with Bristol as her running mate.
- California will finally have "the big one" causing Los Angeles to break off and float into the Pacific Ocean making it one gigantic island where marijuana is legal and movie tickets cost $28 each.
- Lindsay Lohan will revive her career in a film adaptation of Gilligan's Island. She will play Mary Ann. She will win a People's Choice award for it. That girl who plays Joan on Mad Men will play Ginger Grant.
- It will be determined that high fructose corn syrup isn't really all that bad for you.
- A massive tsunami will hit a tiny island in the south Pacific but no one will die because by sheer coincidence the entire island will all be seeing Mission Impossible 4 which will be playing at the lone movie theater which happens to be on the highest part of the island. Tom Cruise will be designated a national hero and he will move there and become their God/President. Suri will stay in the United States because she "needs a break" from her dad.
- Gay marriage will become legal in a slew of states because all of a sudden people will realize, "oh, who fucking cares anymore?"
- Oprah Winfrey will decide that season 25 is not her final season after all and she will take her show on the road playing Knights of Columbus Halls across the land.
- Vice president Joe Biden will admit that he had some "work done."
- American Idol will play its final season because no one cares about the new judges and its time to out a fork in that shit.
- The whereabouts of Amelia Earhart will finally be discovered. It turns out she has been in line at the Whole Foods in Columbus Circle.
- The Bitchy Waiter will have something new to bitch about.
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14 comments:
Great list. A few on there that will inevitably come true. Mainly the issues that people just don't care about anymore, like American Idol.
karahoag.blogspot.com
Please tell me Oprah will go away now. She used to be good to watch but now she's too opinionated and obnoxious. Even without Gayle.
4-8-15-16-23-42!
And the Stephen Colbert/John Stewart ticket will beat the Sarah Palin train.
How do you come up with these things? You amaze me :)
Hey Bouncin/' Barb. Yes Oprah is going away, she's coming to Australia (thanks very much). They had a lottery to win tickets to her shows, seems someone stuffed up and some poor people who throught they were going, aren't. Good god you'd like they could find something else to cry about!! Especially on the morning news....
Love your predictions! It is great fun playing a blogosphere psychic.
Let's all pray that twat Bristol does not win DWTS. I've blogged a couple times about that as the situation AND her mother make me want to vomit.
28 dollar movie tickets...you're on crack!!!...oh wait you mean for one ticket? oh okay...yeah hope your wrong on that one...
Don't know about Palin winning Dancing with the Stars - there is a psycho out there that shot his TV because she sucks so much. Gotta run, I'm gonna post bail for him.
Oh Bitchy! You make my day! I love reading your blog, you make me miss tending bar and cocktail waitressing one minute and the next I'm glad I am out (hahaha, for now at least!)
You're a doll, don't ever change!
Have you ever wondered what you would do if these predictions came true? You are setting things in motion in the Universe that cannot be undone... Where is your feeling for your fellow man? Ah, ha! You wish to be the man on top of the mountain with nothing but a movie theatre to live in and popcorn for dinner... think, man, think...
Great writing, BW!
Thanks Jan...I feel for you but I'm so happy on this end. I'm not surprised about the money vs. poor folk!
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