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Saturday, June 11, 2011

Beware: Disgusting Drops of Water

There are a lot of disgusting things that servers have to deal with. Crusty ketchup bottles and crusty old ladies just being the tip of the crusty iceberg. There was a time when smoking was allowed in restaurants and many times I had to scrape cigarette butts off of a dessert plate. Disgusting. Cleaning up vomit? Disgusting. Serving an old man with a cold sore so big that it needs its own table? Disgusting. But there is one thing that we deal with every day that makes my skin crawl and it's surprising that it has never made it into the blog before. It's that bus tub full of water that we throw the silverware into after we clear a table. It's like a murky soup of every item on the menu mixed with a tablespoon of soap. On occasion, when tossing some forks into that tub of putrid disgust, a splash happens that sends some of that water right back onto my arm and every time it happens I want to throw up. You know how the Wicked Witch of the West melted when Dorothy threw that water on her ass? It's sorta like that, except I don't melt. I just recoil in terror as my gag reflex goes into hyper-overdrive and I imagine all the bacteria that is slowly dripping down my arm. Last week, a few of those drops of water took square aim at my face:

Hey everybody, look! There's that bitchy ass waiter! Why don't we all gang up on him and go land on his face, you want to? Especially you, leftover tilapia mixed with chocolate syrup! Get over here, you crazy piece of smegma, you. And can someone go to the bottom of the bus tub and get a piece of braised kale? That shit is nasty and it needs to be on his face. Whadda ya say, gang? As soon as he throws a fork at us, we all go for it, alright? Get ready, here it comes! Three...two...one! GO!

The drops of water splashed right onto my face, some of it landing on my lip. I tried hard not to think about everything that was in that water but all I could picture was the man at table six who was busy coughing up internal organs all night. I wanted to ask him if he needed anything. Water? A napkin? An iron lung, perhaps? Now I probably had his germs all up in my mouth and within moments I would have a rip-roaring case of the emphysema. And then I remembered the lady at table eleven who was sneezing all night and said it was just allergies but it was probably some rare case of yellow fever that I was now going to contract. The water dripped down my cheek and onto my shirt. I ran to the bathroom to wash my face with industrial soap and lukewarm water.

No disease or illness has befallen me since, so the cleansing must have been sufficient. But it still grosses me out. From now on, I will no longer casually toss the silverware into the bus tub. It will forever be lovingly placed ever so gently into the water. I can't risk that disgusting happening being repeated. Fucking nasty ass water.



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19 comments:

SlumSlut said...

I feel the same way about taking public transportation.

Noelle said...

Come work for me bitchy all of it goes in the bus tub and dish dogs endure the ick. Isn't that lovely. No scrapping either.

That is the top of nasty. eeeww...

Heather (aka Sugar Free) said...

I can't stop laughing at the nasties ganging up and going after you all at one!! That shit was funny!! Well written, buddy. I'm sure to be chuckling over this for the rest of the day.

Oh, but sorry about the gross ass water getting on your face. That shit does suck.

Cheers!
SF

Anonymous said...

what is this? do people actually like reading this stuff? Are you complaining about getting dirty water on you? Talk to the dishwasher some time. He might have some life changing stories for all of you that would make you question the way you understand the world we live in.

Also, have you heard about this, http://www.bigapplerx.com/? It's a brand new prescription program the city released May 1st. It provides an average savings of 47% on prescription meds to all New Yorkers, and its 100% free!

Finally, tax money is being put to good use, right? Anyway, I'm sure if you just got yourself back on your meds you might be able to turn that frown upside down mister! Well here's to wishing you luck with all your big battles in the future tough guy. smoochies for my little man!

Elizabeth said...

hahaha...I love it, because it is soo true! I have once put an empty glass rack back up on the rail over the dish pit and had all the backwash of the empty glasses splash onto my entire face. I was going on 12 hours and nearly had a mental breakdown.

The Bitchy Waiter said...

@Elizabeth. I was going to talk about that same thing but thought it was too vague. I know exactly what you are talking about.

jdracecar said...

When I was waiting tables I got ringworm!!! SO FREAKING DISGUSTING!! My friend told me it was probably because I was touching everyone's drinking glasses and the nasty bus tub and everything. My heart goes out to you! I understand!!

Practical Parsimony said...

You made me gag! Thanks. Sometimes when I am doing my own dishes and something has been the sink for two days in this heat, I am grossed out that my own garbage is getting on me....ewwww. I hope you delete anonymous and block is address.

So funny--I scrolled down to word verification and the word is "coughol." NOW, I have to type it again.

KB said...

What is today's Anonymous's problem? Oh well, anyway. Yeah, sliiiidng that silverware into the bus tub is the way to go. Unless you want to offer to change that bus tub water every hour or two? Or not. Thanks for the laughs.

Vicki said...

Ughh! Been there and done what both you and Elizabeth wrote about. I just wanted to throw up when it happened. =( I still get attacked by the silverware water sometimes because as the manager I have to help everyone do their jobs--including bussing. Bleck! I feel for you.

theblonde said...

Ohhhh my god we have that too. We practically have a drill every time it happens.
"BLONDIE! THE DISHWATER GOT ME!"
"HOLD ON I'LL GET THE ANTISEPTIC AND A SHOT OF VODKA!"

buffalo bill said...

@Heather (aka sugar free), thats what she said.. haha

The Girl From Back Then said...

This has happened to me more times than I can count. Especially when it splashes on your face, all you can think is 'mmm lovely, just what I wanted'.

Next time I think I'll just drink it, cut out the middle man of trying to be careful, and then wearing it regardless.

purplegirl said...

My coworkers like to throw that shit in from feet away, sending nasty water everywhere. I've gotten it directly to my face a number of times, right in my mouth and my eyes. I always start freaking out thinking I'm going to get the hiv or something.

tinkles said...

@Elizabeth I have once put glass thing over dish wetter and made horrible splash party for the mouth also. It was such a terrible thing to make for me!

winky said...

@theblonde, hahaha, i also use antiseptic and vodka as contraception, haha

Rachel said...

This reminds me of a show (Chelsea Handler or The View, I can't remember which)and they read an excerpt from an article that said when flushing a toilet without the lid down it could spray as high as 10 feet. To me, that's my "disgusting drops of water".

Also I read the comment from Anonymous just now...HILARIOUS. Dirty water and pharmaceuticals.

I love Sundays!

Dolly Daydream said...

Its similar for me at work, the potwash cleans the cutlery and put it back into a tub, where it waits to be polished.
Most of the time, bits of food manage to make its way into the tub, and when you go to grab some cutlery to polish, BAM, you put your hand into the slosh at the bottom, DISGUTING indeed.


http://oliviatheenglishrose.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

"Get over here, you crazy piece of smegma!"


Oh. Dear.

This is what I'll think of everytime I toss silverware into that tub now. Thanks, bitchy.