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Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Pregnant and Drinking? Bring it On!

I am never one to judge. Ever. Not the slightest bit. So when a women ordered a glass of wine from me last week, I wondered why she first sort of asked permission from the two people she was with who it turned out were her husband and her mother. "Do you guys think it's alright if I have a glass of red wine with dinner?" I assumed she was considering that it was a weeknight and only 5:30 PM. In my book, 5:30 is the perfect time for a glass of red wine if you bump it up to 2:30 and make it a margarita instead. I instantly fell in love with her mother when she replied, "Sweetheart, you're talking to two alcoholics, of course it's alright." She followed that statement with a throaty laugh that was proudly brought to us by a fifth of Jack Daniels and a pack of Marlboro Reds. I brought her a glass of Malbec and then they were ready to order dinner. The wine drinker ordered a steak and said she needed it medium well. "Ordinarily, I would like it medium rare, but since I'm pregnant, I'm supposed to have it a little more cooked than I am used to." I looked down and saw that she had a baby brewing in her belly. Then she took a swig of wine.

I had always heard that drinking the occasional glass of red wine during a pregnancy was at least good for the blood flow if not good for copping a buzz to help you deal with the ever-increasing waistline. I had just never seen a woman feel comfortable enough to do it in public. Surely there are lots of pregnant wine drinking ladies who are in the closet because they don't want to see the eyes of judgement gazing down upon them if they choose to imbibe at a restaurant. But here was a lady who was like, "Fuck y'all bitches. Dr. Oz said there was a study that said it might be alright so I'm goin' for it." In truth, Dr. Oz said he didn't really recommend it, but some say if you have it in your second or third trimester, it's not so bad. It's not like this lady was doing Jello shots and beer bongs. It was simple glass of Malbec that she had with three glasses of water and a huge steak. Her mother approved of it and she seemed like the type that drank heavily so I imagine that she had a bourbon and Coke with her in the delivery room when she birthed her daughter and she seemed fine. Then again, I didn't really know how the pregnant lady's brain cells were. Maybe they were damaged and I just couldn't tell. Whatever. As long as she could figure out a 20% tip, I'm good. And who am I to decide, anyway?

It reminded me of this girl I went to elementary school with named Veronica. She was really mean, always getting into fights and did poorly on her report card. She was very short and chubby with stubby fingers and fat legs. She was only in the fifth grade, but she had the body of a 40-year old women who had already popped out three kids and never got her pre-baby body back. I remember that someone told me once that Veronica was like she was because her mom had smoked cigarettes and drank while she was pregnant. As a fourth grader, I took that for the God's honest truth. The only reason Veronica was mean, fat and stupid must be because her mom smoked and drank. Thinking back I guess Veronica could have been fat because she always had a red mustache like she drank Kool-Aid for breakfast and she ate three corn dogs everyday for lunch. And she could have been mean because she was fat. And she could have been stupid because she was always picking on people instead of picking up books. And why would some other fourth-grader even know what Veronica's mom was doing when she was pregnant? Man, I was as stupid as Veronica was.

The pregnant lady finished her glass of wine and then downed another glass of water. She was about 28 weeks pregnant, and my vast prenatal knowledge tells me that at 28 weeks her baby's brain was continuing to develop and is now forming the folds and grooves of a fully developed brain. Fine and dandy. The amount of tissues within the brain also continues to increase in large amounts and it is now deciding if it likes Malbec or Pinot Noir better. The hair that covers the baby's scalp is also getting longer and it is considering getting a Brazilian blowout if it is able to get an appointment before the due date. I applaud this women for having her sensible glass of red wine in station. Best of luck to her. And hopefully she doesn't end up with a Veronica. That bitch was mean.






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59 comments:

Taschima Cullen said...

I love your posts, always so funny ^^

Hmm at least she wasn't a hypocryte about it. She did it outside and proud. Not inside her house and disaproving of every other female who does it.

Fabulously Awkward said...

Hahahah. Veronica. It's funny how things stick with you and you believe them when you're young.

I have a good friend who is pregnant. Her doc said that now that she is in her second trimester, she can have a drink or two per week. I found that interesting...

t _tyger said...

love the background. As a former pregnant person, I was *allowed* a glass of wine or a beer per week. And I quit smoking, too. After the baby, I hope that woman continues with a glass of red or a dark beer every evening.... it's absolutely necessary.

Anonymous said...

I work with someone who is pregnant and smokes. That shit pisses me off. Asshole.

But wine occasionally? Not so much.

Waiting said...

I don't think pregnant women should even risk it. Eating s medium rare steak is less likely to harm the fetus than booze and she wasn't willing to do that.

When I worked at a Bennigan's (a long time ago) a woman who was a regular used to come in and get drunk while 8 months pregnant. The bartender served her and her boyfriend worked in the kitchen. I don't know how the baby turned out - I think it wound up in the system. The point is she used to sit at tables and the waitstaff refused to serve her booze so she would get hammered at the bar instead - I mean shots of bourbon even. It was horrible to watch.

Darlene said...

I had three babies prematurely. When I was pregnant with the fourth my doctor said. Please just down a glass of wine every day. My fourth kid held on past the 34 week mark which was about 7 weeks further than his siblings. So I am for down that baby for he baby! Just wait until week 12 is what I was told.

Chunky Mama said...

I didn't drink at all during my pregnancy, but my best friend had wine every night during hers. My kid turned out to be a rambunctious little hellion while hers is a spoiled brat.

Conclusion: Even drunk kids suck.

Anonymous said...

when i was pregnant with my first, i was SO strict about everthing. No drinking, no seafood, no diet soda... if there was cheese in something at a restaurant, i would ask if it had been pasturized. Kid turned out fine.

Baby no. 2 however.... much more leinient. Pretty much did whatever I damn well pleased. Kid turned out fine.

Mark W said...

Even though I never mentioned the white on black, I love this color scheme much, much better than the previous one.

in bed with married women said...

hmm, the best part is that you were spying on her and there's an entire blog post dedicated to dissecting her behavior.

jill
http://inbedwithmarriedwomen.blogspot.com

rae said...

I like this layout better. It IS easier to read. Thank you!

Scarlett said...

I think it's interesting that every 10 years or so, the world rewrites what is acceptable and not acceptable to do whilst pregnant. While I'm not advocating getting plastered at the bar every night, after 12 weeks a glass of wine every now and again doesn't hurt anything. At least according to my doctor and the doctors of close friends. THREE glasses, on the other hand...

I like the new layout, for what it's worth, though I never commented about it earlier. Much easier on the eyes!

Little redhead said...

I have nothing against a pregnant woman occasionally having a glass of wine or beer. Although I did hear a child can get that alcohol syndrome no matter how much you drank. But I don't think it's very common. I'm ok with it. Getting wasted every weekend is however not ok, so there's a boundary. I think so anyway.

Stephanie said...

I never had the balls to do it...but kudos to pregos who do. My bff got married while i was pregnant and i toasted with water instead of the champagne sitting in front of me...too many eyes on me! But I did get pretty drunk 2 or 3 nights on vacation before i knew i was pregnant...my daughter is pretty tiny though....but not fat like Veronica.

New look is great...old one was rough on the eyes but your posts were too hilarious to miss so I sucked it up!

Anonymous said...

Why is it there's always a Veronica who is a total b&tch? Must be in the name...

Adam Hawthorne said...

I don't really have too much of a point of view on having a drink during pregnancy, but if I was ever pregnant I would never do it.

This is only for the reason that if the baby came out in any way less than healthy (or worse, stupid or unattractive) no matter what the reason I would blame the fact that I had a drink and I would hate myself for the rest of my life. Even if there was no possible way that alcohol is to blame, I would look at my daughter's uni-brow and think I did this to you, with that four ounces of champagne at Thankstaking dinner...

At least if I did everything perfectly during the pregnancy later on when the kid needs help unsticking their tongue from the frozen flagpole I could tell her "just so you know, this is all your fault. I did everything right, and you're still not too bright."

Adam Hawthorne said...

Oh, and the new layout is very nice... ...I prefer the black but change is good.

It's a little cheery though. You might want to balance that out a little by being extra bitchy for a few days.

Veronica said...

Just wanted to say that I like the new colour layout better. :)

And although my name is Veronica, I'm not the one in your blog. XD

Anonymous said...

Too much of anything can cause problems. Dose is what matters, so a couple of drinks a week (not at the same time, of course) theoretically shouldn't be an issue. The problem with smoking is that it's highly addictive and very difficult to cut down on the amount smoked. Loved reading your memories of Veronica!

Joe Sixtop said...

it's not a real big deal either way,I'll keep reading and all, but I liked it better the old way.

California Girl said...

you're insane...insanely funny

Veronica from the blog said...

This color scheme really highlights the undeserved arrogance and horrible self-loathing. I really like how desperate and sad it makes all the comments look. But I think I speak for everyone when I say it's time to try an online dating service, and maybe pick up a hobby, like knitting your own potholders. Overall I like the switch. The black was very "I'm a 13-year old cutter who got my period too early", and a little depressing, phew!!

Lala said...

I'm 34 weeks pregnant, and I freakin' love wine. I drink a glass about every two weeks or so. Sometimes I'll have a sip of my husband's beer or his margarita. I can't stand bitches who judge me for my decision- I have a buttload of research studies to back me up that an occasional drink is just fine and dandy. Hell, I found one study that said that women who drink lightly, (1 unit a week) end up with kids who are BETTER behaved, do better in school, and have less rates of ADD and ADHD. (Although I think that's because women who drink lightly are probably better parents, because they're more laid back.)


I spoke to my doctor about drinking, and she says that one or two units a week are just fine.


Kudos to her for doing it in public! Usually I'm too much of a coward, because three months ago a waiter gave me some mega attitude.

Practical Parsimony said...

Adam, so funny!
BW,If you ever had to work with children with fetal alcohol syndrome, to drink or not to drink would NOT be a difficult decision. Smoking can cause premature births. What are smoking, drinking mothers thinking about, anyway? I never smoked and never had a drink until after my last was born. I never had decisions about addictions or pleasures to forego. Just look up "fetal alcohol syndrome" and see the facial and bodily abnormalities caused by drinking plus the retardation. I know a nurse who thought she knew enough to drink sensibly, and her daughter ended up with fetal alcohol syndrome. Doctors gave Thalidomide to pregnant women who then gave birth to children without limbs. Soooo, if a doctor assured me it was okay to drink, I would not be so quick to follow medical advice.

Practical Parsimony said...

Oh, the background is so much easier on my eyes. For anyone who is thinking about the energy that your computer uses, the black screen/background requires more energy to run.

ChiTown Girl said...

You know that I've adored you forever. This was the first time I've taken offense to something you've written.

"And she could have been mean because she was fat."'

Not cool, Bitchy, not cool.

The Bitchy Waiter said...

"Mean because she was fat" translated: She was unhappy with herself and took it out on others. ChiTown, I hate when you don't like me. My apologies.

Anonymous said...

The new format is easier to read. Thanks B.W.

watergirl said...

I've heard that a glass of wine once in a while, and after the 6th month, isn't terribly detrimental, it is important to note that developing brain cells in the fetus can still be affected with even a small amount of alcohol. It's a bit of roulette.

While I prefer the previous scheme, I'll deal with the changes. I like you too much *not* to get used to it. :)

~watergirl~

Anonymous said...

new layout is much better.
I was best friends with a French woman who drank wine throughout her pregnancies and was not about to give it up, and while i do not know her kids now, i think they got that weirdly large forehead from their father.

Mind Of Mine said...

Yes, the white does look better. I know one glass of red wine is harmless, but is there any real need. Why not stick to water or orange juice. Seems rather pointless to me.

Cordelia said...

I drank some wine while i was pregnant with Mini me, I even drank a glass with dinner in public. I got some weird looks, but then again i was living in po-dunk washington at the time and these people were all squares. I think everything is ok in moderation...except for maybe crack and LSD. That can never be good.

I miss the old layout, for some reason this is harder to read for me...then again, i'm crazy.

Sincerely, The Waitress said...

My mum drank the occasional glass of wine whilst pregnant with me and I'm fine!

...Aren't I?

Maria said...

Meh. Nobody likes change. Either we'll get used to it, or you'll find a happy medium between black & white. Maybe the old school MySpace style backgrounds, with black text on white screen down a vertical strip, backdropped by some kind of illustration, perhaps dirty dishwater smegma?
(No, not really. But serious about the rest.)

We'll keep reading either way, dear.

My two cents on the debate?
Fetal Alcohol Syndrome isn't just a theory.

carmar76 said...

i like your attitude on this one, dear waiter.

also, yes, thank you, this makes your blog easier on the eyes. altho i always struggled thru the other background because your blog is always a good read. : )

watergirl said...

You're not crazy, Cordelia. :) The bright background is hard on my eyes.

:huggles:
~watergirl~

The Empress said...

I'd probably err on the side of caution and skip the wine if preggers.

As for the new look, I think I prefer the previous design but I'll keep coming back no matter what hue of the rainbow you go with.

Lisa said...

Nice post. Liked it. Quite entertaining.

Take the test ABC's of Pregnancy and find out your knowledge of things you are supposed to do and more importantly, what you are not supposed to do during your pregnancy.

Take Care.

Hannah-Lou said...

I preferred the black background, the white is very bright, and as Adam says, not bitchy enough!However, I will continue to read your blog no matter the background. Well.. maybe if the background was nudie pics I would have to stop reading as I read your blog at work...

Also, my verification word is bitypen, this amuses me :)

Anonymous said...

When will people learn that it is RUDE to spam with the link to your blog? I think we are all smart enough to realize that if we WANT to read your blog, we can click on your name. If you spam, I have no interest in your blog.

Anonymous said...

When will people learn that it is RUDE to spam with the link to your blog? I think we are all smart enough to realize that if we WANT to read your blog, we can click on your name. If you spam, I have no interest in your blog.

Anonymous said...

When will people learn that it is RUDE to spam with the link to your blog? I think we are all smart enough to realize that if we WANT to read your blog, we can click on your name. If you spam, I have no interest in your blog.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, I have no idea why that posted three times...

grahamophone said...

Maybe men's eyeballs are different than women's, as Adam and Joe seem to prefer the old color scheme. I, for one, began to see stripes when reading the white on black, and would put my monitor on "negative" mode (ctrl+option+command+8 on a Mac). But then again, maybe I have eye damage from all those daiquiris my mother drank with me in her belly.

Anonymous said...

i really liked the black... but i guess white is ok :/

Mary A. said...

I personally did not drink when I was pregnant, but I have NO problem with someone having a glass of wine when they are preggers. Like it is my fucking business. (People get SO judgy at pregnant women!)

My mom smoked daily and had her nightly martini when pregnant with all 4 of her kids. We are all a bunch of fucking idiots, but we're likable enough and none of us is on welfare.

SkippyMom said...

I like the old color screen better - the white is too stark, but as everyone has said, it won't make me stop reading. I'll just wear sunglasses.

As for everyone talking about Fetal Alcohol Syndrome - it takes quite a bit of alcohol over the course of the pregnancy to cause it. It just doesn't occur over a glass here and there. Not that I am a doctor, mind you, but the research is there.

Ela said...

The blog design is so much better, haha. Whew! I can now spend more hours on this site.

dirtydisher said...

It is easier to read, but, I miss the black. It was slick looking and usually there's one post I haven't read so, it wasn't too much strain.

Maria said...

My mom smoked when she was pregnant with me, and I turned out all right. Okay, I can't do math and I have no sense of direction, but other than THAT, I turned out fine.

But seriously, that was in 1963, before the Surgeon General announced that smoking during pregnancy was bad. My mom says she still wonders why she didn't figure it out for herself. (That might explain the math impairment, actually.)

But the occasional glass of wine? As far as I've ever read, it's fine.

SolitaryAngel said...

Yep! Much better!

badbadwebbis said...

I'm late to the pregnant drinking party, but I don't care.

I was 'allowed' 1 or 2 units per week, which I usually didn't drink because by the time I sat down on the couch at the end of the evening I fell asleep. But when we went out for dinner, I certainly did have a glass of wine. Because I was pregnant in Texas (#1) and Georgia (#2), and no one thinks twice in those states about that sort of thing unless you are drinking in Atlanta or Austin, since people in those places actually read.

That was a joke.

Anyway, anecdotal evidence is not real data, but mine turned out just fine. My youngest (14) just won her first Nobel this year, although she was really the fourth author on the research so they didn't mention her name.

(that last was a joke too. I feel the need to point that out in case the interwebs are getting touchy lately)

NWREG LLC said...

Yeah! It's easier to read :) As to the pregnancy and drinking thing, it's an abused statistic.

First: Going OUTSIDE "might" be bad for the baby. Might. Yet, millions of women in third world nations persist on being outside all day, because they live there. See what I did there?

Second: Alcohol "might" be bad for the baby, but millions of women in 2nd world nations drink every day of their lives. They'd be nations filled with Downs-like children if that was automatically bad.

I think you can see where I'm going with this.

Statistics are one of the EASIEST, and BEST ways to LIE. If you want to trick, influence, or control someone - what better way than to pull numbers out from "studies" that frame your argument? It works, and it works extremely well.

It works for MADD [which is why there's actually a group called DAMM,] it works for the US government [Iraq, Iran, endless war,] and it works for big corporations.

There is no greater lie than the lie told with statistics. The reason for this is because it bulldozes the truth, and warps reality for everyone, not just the recipient of the lie.

She could have had three glasses of wine without hurting her baby. Or, two shots, or four beers, approximately. Maybe more. I would not recommend getting blitzed, or drinking heavily and often, but even that clearly would not affect every child - or human history would not be. People have been drinkers since the dawn of time.

Why? Blood alcohol levels protect against pathogens, including food-based parasites, diseases, and injuries. Have a drink. It's GOOD for you.

BA Literature, & MCS near completion.
BS in physics underway.

Anonymous said...

That was probably the best blog post I have ever read. I am still laughing. I am 15 weeks pregnant and trying to sift through the conflicting literature and opinions about drinking while pregnant. This post came up in my search and boy am I glad it did! Thank you!! (Still laughing).

Andrea said...

I was too busy puking my guts out to even consider drinking while pregnant, haha. I don't see the big deal with it, as long as the individual prego's doctor gives the go-ahead.

When I used to tend bar there was a woman who would come in while pregnant and drink more than the recommended one glass. Her excuse? it was the same glass. Dumbass. Why did I serve her? Because I'm no doctor and her husband was the boss!!

lee said...

Why is it there's always a Veronica who is a total b&tch? Must be in the name...

i always hated girls named phyliss.

i didn't drink when i was pregnant, but if i had wanted to, i was told i could drink 2 oz. twice a day.

Jader said...

I'm currently 32 weeks preg with no 2, and even during the first, I had the occasional mouthful of hubby's scotch and coke. I never had a full drink to myself.

That being said, I didn't really drink outside of pregnancy anyway. Though I'm craving a good Mudslide cocktail.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this blog! Every Monday my sister and I go to the same spot to get water and wings and then off to a movie. Yesterday we went for our usual visit and I decided to order a glass of wine. The bartender instantly refused to serve me and embarrassed me in front of my sister and friend. When I stated that my doctor said it was ok for the occasional glass of wine she still refused and said that she could not live with that on her conscious. This being the first time I ordered a glass of wine, I was mortified! I mean its not like I dink often, I am 22 weeks and have had 3 glasses of wine my entire pregnancy. I obviously don't have a drinking problem if I ordered water the last 12 times I was there. I went home in tears for being judged and embarrassed. In my opinion it is my body and my decision, not hers! The way she made me feel by passing judgment and pushing her views onto me was unproffesional. Needless to say they lost a regular high tipping customer!

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